You ever wake up panicking?

[LavenderMemories]

It is rare indeed when I wake up without anxiety about EVERYTHING. Facing the morning is like putting on armor, girding myself for the day to come.Out comes my "normal" mask and i'm on with the day. Xanax, Zoloft and vitamins get me up and going; if it were'nt For Xanax, i'd be the equivalent of burnt toast by the afternoon. I can hardly wait to get home so I can remove normal mask. Truly, a hell of a way to live, huh?

I relate to this so hard. By the time I get to the end of my work day, I'm practically sprinting out the door from work. The only thing I can think of is how I need to get home. This I just sit and wait for sleep. I'm also always pretty much the equivalent of burnt toast.

 

[xBrialesana]

TW (?)
I haven't gone a day since those men raped me in the parking lot which resulted in a pregnancy of twins have I not woken up panicking and screaming and literally fighting the bed or like running. Every fucking day. I'm a high anxiety person (aren't we all) so it used to happen through the years often, but no I'm afraid to sleep because im reliving everything again..

 

[Nem]

It's unusual to wake up calm, it's mostly resulted in an immediate panic, kind of like holy shit wtf was I thinking?! About something in the past or future.
Peace/hugs

 

[siray]

I, also, am a cutter. You asked about trying to understand why people cut themselves.
This is my reasoning.
I feel an absolutely insane NEED to cut or punish myself in some way when something or someone hurts me in some bad way, to feel physical pain is Extremely necessary to Distract myself from extreme emotional pain. I haven's cut in quite a few years, however, the thought is there quite there! It's never completely far from my mind, especially when I am in any downward spirals. I do not think this urge or need will ever go away.

I suffer from quite a lot of mental issues you might say.
I suffer from PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Sleep Disorder, etc.

I, also, have awoken many times with this sense of panic, which is most likely due to my dreams and nightmares...A LOT of PTSD!!! For that matter, I have many times, throughout my whole life (for I have been an Extreme Dreamer my entire life), that I have been running from something or someone chasing me, in a nightmare, and I will wake up with the feeling that I lived the whole experience, and will wake up So exhausted, as if I Was Actually there!
I would be so burdened by this, and so exhausted, as if I had not slept at all...restful sleep, I mean, that my whole day would be ruined, and any chance of going back to sleep, or for even wanting to for that matter,

As for the continuous thoughts of CTB, and I mean all the time, (even when I'm smoking weed with friends or, hell, even while watching porn with my fiance'. It has consumed every waking thought. I figure that when it even interferes with these...it might just be THAT time!

I am on this site to talk to other lost souls, like me, about so many mutual feelings that you can't find anywhere else but here. As odd as this sounds, (I have been under psychiatric treatment since 2007), and I honestly feel that this site is more therapeutic than most therapy sessions. I want to communicate with others, who are on the same side of couch as me. That actually understand these feelings and emotions, and not just from something they read in a book. That is NOT nearly the same!

I am also wanting to know which way is the Best way to CTB and Do I have the means to get what I need or the Ability to get it.
Everything is so confusing! My despair, combined with my mental illness, makes it hard to even think straight! This causes great difficulty absorbing all of the information I am reading. But I refuse to give up on using this site for help!

I wish I had all the answers. I wish I could help you in some way.

Good luck on discovering the right answers for you.
If you ever need to talk to someone...I'm here.
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Thank you so much for your supportive words, It sucks that you cannot enjoy weed because of thoughts of suicide. I myself get a heart beat rise when I have smoked a joint of hashish and think of CTB. But then again, my date is almost here, I'll shoot myself with a shotgun very soon. So can't be bothered about wordly sorrows anymore, my existence was a fucking mistake from the very beginning.

Glad to hear you don't cut anymore, and yeah that reasoning of yours is solid, I could envision myself consider cutting if I were in your circumstances. But I always thought to myself, if I'm ever going to harm myself, might as well make it 100% lethal, hence the shotgun.

 

[porfin1234]

Im so scared now on a daily basis because my career is on the line and I've spiraled our of control.

 

[SenMorta]

I tend to wake up in a good mood and then when I go sleep, I tend to panic then for an assortment of reasons. Particularly because my seizures are nocturnal but also because it's then that the thought of suicide truly manifests itself.

Sleep and death, something about them seem so symbiotic to me.

 

[Pan]

One ancient Roman philosopher described sleep as "slashes of death"—+ a foretaste, if you will, of what was to come. Something worth investigating....