Yes, weeks turn to months, and months turn to years. I've been suicidal since I was a child, and will never not be. Life gets harder as time goes on, yet fantasising about the idea of this hell being over and actually putting those thoughts into action are two different matters.
I was so close, got caught mid-attempt, and became afraid to try again, lest I fail and end up being traumatized in a hospital. My issues are not fixable, and have only gotten worse as I've gotten older. The outcome is inevitable, but I'm still around, for better or worse. I don't want to be, though. Survival instinct is a bitch.
Being stuck in such a situation is akin to purgatory. Not really living, and not dying either. No future to look forward to. Others who don't really care about me or what I want, and could drop me in an instant because "no one owes me anything" force me to live against my will, knowing the issues that make me suicidal are non-negotiable.
For me, I feel trapped because I don't have control over my life nor my death either. I'm sure many others feel the same way. All I can do is struggle, with no remedy for the things that destroy me, and get told by idiots to just be positive. I would like to see them try being autistic, without family or close friends, dealing with other health issues and PTSD. They know I can't be helped but don't want to admit it because they might be on the hook if I ctb.
How can one enjoy life when we have no freedom over it's ending? Imagine if you were forced to watch a terrible film on repeat, over and over again, and you beg to leave the cinema. Yet, bystanders insist you must be forced to watch this movie for your own good until the film reel decays and naturally succumbs to the elements, all because they enjoy the film, so by extension you must be manhandled into watching it too- despite the fact that the curtains will close and the screen is going to go black for everyone in the audience eventually. They just can't fathom anyone walking out of the film willingly, because they're afraid of what happens when it finishes.