bloomingdahlia_
Member
- Jun 22, 2024
- 23
im sorry but i have to vent...and my grammar will be pretty bad because im writing everything thats going through my head as of this moment
i hate myself so much. seriously why was i even born? my mother told me before that she tried to abort me but it didnt worked, and i fucking wish she tried harder to get rid of me so i dont have to live this hell. i genuinely cant keep going anymore omg. i had planned to attempt suicide yesterday but i was too tired so i ended up falling asleep instead and i was surprised that i was still alive after waking up and i hate myself more for that. why do i have to keep living like this? like why? being alive is literally pure torture if i have to live with this mind for the rest of my life. im so tired. i think my exhaustion is beyond words right now. i have been trying to kill myself for the past year and i just cant fucking do it and each day my self hatred and despair deepens. everyday i wish i hadnt been born so i dont have to deal with all of this. if only my mother tried harder while she was trying to get rid of me....i wouldnt be here writing this. everyday i wish i would die in my sleep so i dont have to go through the complicated process of killing myself. i didnt even gave permission for the universe to bring me into this world, so why do i have to keep going even if i dont want to anymore? fuckkkk my lifeeeeeeeee. everytime i look at my body all i see are cuts and scars that will stick with me for the rest of my life and i hate how fat i am even though i have lost a lot of weight even though i have already risked my health just to lose weight even if i knew i didnt had to. i still see myself as overweight even though im underweight. i know my head is just playing tricks with me but why does it sound and look so real? i swear everytime i look at the mirror i genuinely cant see a underweight person. right now i actually gained weight because im struggling to control my food intake and im just so scared to step on the scale at this point. i need to escape my head before things get even worse from here. i need to escape my mind. i need to escape my mind. why do i have to live in this mental anguish....? im truly done with life
i hate myself so much. seriously why was i even born? my mother told me before that she tried to abort me but it didnt worked, and i fucking wish she tried harder to get rid of me so i dont have to live this hell. i genuinely cant keep going anymore omg. i had planned to attempt suicide yesterday but i was too tired so i ended up falling asleep instead and i was surprised that i was still alive after waking up and i hate myself more for that. why do i have to keep living like this? like why? being alive is literally pure torture if i have to live with this mind for the rest of my life. im so tired. i think my exhaustion is beyond words right now. i have been trying to kill myself for the past year and i just cant fucking do it and each day my self hatred and despair deepens. everyday i wish i hadnt been born so i dont have to deal with all of this. if only my mother tried harder while she was trying to get rid of me....i wouldnt be here writing this. everyday i wish i would die in my sleep so i dont have to go through the complicated process of killing myself. i didnt even gave permission for the universe to bring me into this world, so why do i have to keep going even if i dont want to anymore? fuckkkk my lifeeeeeeeee. everytime i look at my body all i see are cuts and scars that will stick with me for the rest of my life and i hate how fat i am even though i have lost a lot of weight even though i have already risked my health just to lose weight even if i knew i didnt had to. i still see myself as overweight even though im underweight. i know my head is just playing tricks with me but why does it sound and look so real? i swear everytime i look at the mirror i genuinely cant see a underweight person. right now i actually gained weight because im struggling to control my food intake and im just so scared to step on the scale at this point. i need to escape my head before things get even worse from here. i need to escape my mind. i need to escape my mind. why do i have to live in this mental anguish....? im truly done with life
