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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,242
Yeah at the moment I feel a little bit better. I try to spread some positive vibes here in recovery and provide some resources for other people who want to recover. I personally really doubt my life will have a happy end but this does not mean other people can't have it.

Having suicidal thoughts does not necessarily mean you have to commit suicide. Some only have a temporary crisis. For me personally I have now suicidal thoughts for roundabout a decade but I am not such a good example.

You can never predict the future a very intelligent man told me that. I struggle with that to be honest. I have always a very pessimistic view about my life because the past was such a pain. But there are people out there who have recovered after decades of mental torture.
I am always happy when I see people here in this forum who recover. Some really were at rock bottom and had an existential crises but then could recover. They seemed to be happy that they never ctb.

Especially when you hit rock bottom for the first time in your life you think this would last forever. At least this is what I thought. But it is likely rock bottom won't last forever. There will be better days for many.
My personal suicidal thoughts were in the past like 24/7 for roundabout 1,5 years. This time period was extremely painful. I had psychosomatic pain and it was just extreme torture. But I started to take medication. I tried A LOT of medication. I read a lot about my illness. Reading literature can help you to understand yourself better. Or psychotherapy can help you to come to terms with past traumatas. I just wished everyone in this forum had the opportunity to have appoinments with therapists. It is unbelievable cruel not to help people who struggle this much. They have blood on their hands. Politicians who do not support free health care for everyone.

I think most people who have suicidal thoughts don't finally ctb. Some survive suicide attempts and then rethink their view on life and death. I think it should not be underestimated how many people had/ have suicidal thoughts in their life. It is such a stigmatized topic. I was in many clinics and so many people were so ashamed to admit them. Most people prefer to hide them. There is no shame for having suicidal thoughts. I just wished more people could open up about them. Many are too scared about that. But this is also the fault of our societies. In our communities we should talk about this issue without so much shame. It is important to listen to someone with suicidal thoughts without judging him/her for it.
 
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edu0z

edu0z

carried away by a moonlight shadow
Aug 25, 2021
552
thank you friend, I hope you can continue to maintain that mental clarity for a long time to come.
 
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Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,794
Hell yeaah, that's what i do everyday of my life.
 
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june

june

Experienced
May 25, 2020
207
This was a nice read. I feel you all, many hugs
 
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lili

lili

Specialist
Feb 17, 2022
319
Thank you for sharing. I often wonder if it were more acceptable to speak about suicide without fearing commitment to an institution or social marginalization, if more people would decide to not CBT as well.

I also have been dealing with the thoughts for over ten years. It's difficult to find a way to live life with them. There's certainly ups and downs.

If therapists were more accessible perhaps there would be less CBT as well.

Thanks for trying to spread positivity. I do feel this forum has ironically helped me feel better, contrary to what other news articles where mentioned.

If some of us decide not to CBT and feel better, hopefully these people can spread more social awareness with a sound mind, to remind others that there's more that needs to be done and to provide more open spaces for people to speak up and feel comfortable.
 
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S

soup noodles

Member
Mar 13, 2022
6
i lurk here a lot but this thread stuck in my head more than anything else has. i'm having a really bad night and i remembered this thread and figured i'd hold off on doing anything permanent and create an account here instead. i don't actually believe that my thoughts will go away, but maybe it's not outside the realm of possibility. just wanted to say thank you for sharing.

i'm happy for you, that you're feeling a little better. wishing you the best moving forward, too.
 
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AnestheticVoid

AnestheticVoid

❤️ Dissociatives ❤️
Feb 17, 2022
273
Are you actually living tho?
 
NSA

NSA

Your friendly neighborhood agent
Feb 21, 2022
262
Are you actually living tho?
That kind of philosopizing can be a real trap. Too easy to lay around all day with one foot in the proverbial grave yet still breathing, so no your problems are not actually over and are continuing to pile up so either stick to the damn plan and keep going or buy my tank already and stop whining...

don't mind me, just telling this to myself. Again.
 
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AnestheticVoid

AnestheticVoid

❤️ Dissociatives ❤️
Feb 17, 2022
273
That kind of philosopizing can be a real trap. Too easy to lay around all day with one foot in the proverbial grave yet still breathing, so no your problems are not actually over and are continuing to pile up so either stick to the damn plan and keep going or buy my tank already and stop whining...

don't mind me, just telling this to myself. Again.
One foot is in the grave regardless. You're gonna die that's a fact.
 
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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,242
One foot is in the grave regardless. You're gonna die that's a fact.
Sorry but when he has hope that one day he might improve you shold not argument against that. I am really glad @noone2 finds this thread helpful. It is absolutely true that there is the chance that one day your mental state improves. There are so many different forms of therapy. (Yesterday I made a thread about it in recovery maybe this is helpful for you @noone2 .

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/a-guide-how-to-fight-nasty-depressions.85990/

If you are no sure about commiting suicide you should be careful about acting on it. It is permanent and cannot be undone. This is at least my opinion.
 
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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,242
Sorry but when he has hope that one day he might improve you shold not argument against that. I am really glad @noone2 finds this thread helpful. It is absolutely true that there is the chance that one day your mental state improves. There are so many different forms of therapy. (Yesterday I made a thread about it in recovery maybe this is helpful for you @noone2 .

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/a-guide-how-to-fight-nasty-depressions.85990/

If you are no sure about commiting suicide you should be careful about acting on it. It is permanent and cannot be undone. This is at least my opinion.
Ups I confused @noone2 with @soup noodles . Please forgive me. I hope you two can benefit from this thread. I am really sorry for confusing you.
 
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S

soup noodles

Member
Mar 13, 2022
6
Ups I confused @noone2 with @soup noodles . Please forgive me. I hope you two can benefit from this thread. I am really sorry for confusing you.

thank you for linking that thread, i'll definitely check it out. and absolutely nothing to apologise for, you're good! <3
 
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SuicideBoys93

SuicideBoys93

I am the lord of loneliness.
Feb 10, 2020
324
My suicidal ideation's have been concerning since I joined here. Im not implying this place has made it worse, but concerning that I have the date documented to where I noticed it becoming worrisome. I'm in a rut right now but it's how life goes. Lonely, but lack energy to build connections. I've been off the meds for over a month now so I'm guessing this is going to be the standing your ground test my brain throws at me. Hoping I find the bottom soon, because I could use some serotonin.
 
N

noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,242
My suicidal ideation's have been concerning since I joined here. Im not implying this place has made it worse, but concerning that I have the date documented to where I noticed it becoming worrisome. I'm in a rut right now but it's how life goes. Lonely, but lack energy to build connections. I've been off the meds for over a month now so I'm guessing this is going to be the standing your ground test my brain throws at me. Hoping I find the bottom soon, because I could use some serotonin.
If this forum makes your mental health worse you can always take a break.
I ruminated a lot about ordering something so that I can ctb always when I want. I talked to my therapist about it. We came to the conclusion not to order it (now). Due to the fact I could take it in an impulsive action which we wanted to avoid.
I think this was a good decision. I am a person who ruminates a lot. I think having something poisonous at home could have had a negative impact on me. This could have stopped me from being productive or made my recovery attempt way harder.
Not ordering it was a good decision otherwise my suicidal ideation might have become (way) worse. Always having it at home is not good for me.
 
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