Venting You are selfish for wanting to die.

[claeasi]

At different points in my life, I've tried to accept that maybe my life is just always going to be a mess.
I made plans to make things less bad, but right now I don't even think I'll be able to go through with them.
I feel so selfish for wanting to die every day when my parents try to make me feel stable, when my friends make an effort to text me. I think about leaving my cats behind. I think about leaving the man who calls me "love" every day. And I hate myself for even thinking like that.
It feels like hell. I just want to be able to love, to forgive myself, and to understand that life is suffering you deal with so you can live better later.
But I can't. Pessimism feels like part of me now, and I don't know how to get rid of it. It doesn't feel like therapy or anything else can fix this.
I just feel confused and small.

 

[addictedfukup]

This is literally me, I have the same feelings with family friends my partner and my cats, everyone just wants to help, wants to make me happy, even the cats, but the problems is i dont think i can be happy, i seem to have accepted all my problems and the world problems, and its just all so depressing i cant ever became a better person, or positive enough to change. I dont know, i think we after we accept that, we are just so far gone and cant go back to how we were. Just what i have been thinking recently

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

At different points in my life, I've tried to accept that maybe my life is just always going to be a mess.
I made plans to make things less bad, but right now I don't even think I'll be able to go through with them.
I feel so selfish for wanting to die every day when my parents try to make me feel stable, when my friends make an effort to text me. I think about leaving my cats behind. I think about leaving the man who calls me "love" every day. And I hate myself for even thinking like that.
It feels like hell. I just want to be able to love, to forgive myself, and to understand that life is suffering you deal with so you can live better later.
But I can't. Pessimism feels like part of me now, and I don't know how to get rid of it. It doesn't feel like therapy or anything else can fix this.
I just feel confused and small.

Probably the most intelligent post that I've ever read on this website.

 

[liquid-crystal daze]

I don't think I've ever related to somebody as much as I do reading this post. Getting better feels so simple when you put it to words and that makes me feel even worse because I just can't change. Is it better to live on in misery as long as it doesn't cause anybody else pain? Because other people seems to be all I have left.

 

[claeasi]

This is literally me, I have the same feelings with family friends my partner and my cats, everyone just wants to help, wants to make me happy, even the cats, but the problems is i dont think i can be happy, i seem to have accepted all my problems and the world problems, and its just all so depressing i cant ever became a better person, or positive enough to change. I dont know, i think we after we accept that, we are just so far gone and cant go back to how we were. Just what i have been thinking recently

Unfortunately, that's what happens, isn't it? All that's left for us is to live the rest of our lives the way we always wanted, whether it was in childhood or now. Either way, we're going to die someday. Whether it was suicide or not.
It's difficult to try to see everything "normally" when you've already come to terms with the truth of life, i hope you find your peace.

I don't think I've ever related to somebody as much as I do reading this post. Getting better feels so simple when you put it to words and that makes me feel even worse because I just can't change. Is it better to live on in misery as long as it doesn't cause anybody else pain? Because other people seems to be all I have left.

There's the life we deserve to live and the life we think we deserve to live. Getting better isn't easy, but people try to make it seem easy because they haven't experienced their own pain. Even with life's difficulties, life is still beautiful, but also very painful. May you achieve what you desire.(⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

 

[addictedfukup]

Unfortunately, that's what happens, isn't it? All that's left for us is to live the rest of our lives the way we always wanted, whether it was in childhood or now. Either way, we're going to die someday. Whether it was suicide or not.
It's difficult to try to see everything "normally" when you've already come to terms with the truth of life, i hope you find your peace.

There's the life we deserve to live and the life we think we deserve to live. Getting better isn't easy, but people try to make it seem easy because they haven't experienced their own pain. Even with life's difficulties, life is still beautiful, but also very painful. May you achieve what you desire.(⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

thank you for your beautiful words, May you find peace as well