Hi all,
I made an earlier post discussing suicide recordings and wanted to make another post just to vent.
I'm embarrassed to tell anyone I'm heart-broken. I've been broken up with her for years now waiting for the pain to go away but it hasn't. I think it's been over five years now. I haven't really been able to pay attention to time since. All I know is that my friends have degrees, careers and the beginning of meaningful lives.
I'm stuck in time though. I'm stuck working dead end jobs. I'm stuck in the past with my ex. I'm stuck craving drinks each evening.
My family is out of town for the next two weeks and I'm seriously considering purchasing a firearm during that time. Im not sure if I would kill myself spontaneously upon having a gun or if I would hold on to it for some time. I have a trip planned with some family around Thanksgiving so delaying till after that might allow some more quality time with family before dying.
Anyway, for the past few weeks I haven't been able to go an hour without thinking of my ex or suicide. I can't describe how constant this pain is. There is no relief and it's eating away at me. I find myself also frequently thinking of memes I see on Reddit that are like "haha imagine killing yourself over a girl." There's A million fish in the sea type shit. I feel surrounded by cliches that tell me I should feel okay, especially after years, but it hasn't gotten better.
I made an earlier post discussing suicide recordings and wanted to make another post just to vent.
I'm embarrassed to tell anyone I'm heart-broken. I've been broken up with her for years now waiting for the pain to go away but it hasn't. I think it's been over five years now. I haven't really been able to pay attention to time since. All I know is that my friends have degrees, careers and the beginning of meaningful lives.
I'm stuck in time though. I'm stuck working dead end jobs. I'm stuck in the past with my ex. I'm stuck craving drinks each evening.
My family is out of town for the next two weeks and I'm seriously considering purchasing a firearm during that time. Im not sure if I would kill myself spontaneously upon having a gun or if I would hold on to it for some time. I have a trip planned with some family around Thanksgiving so delaying till after that might allow some more quality time with family before dying.
Anyway, for the past few weeks I haven't been able to go an hour without thinking of my ex or suicide. I can't describe how constant this pain is. There is no relief and it's eating away at me. I find myself also frequently thinking of memes I see on Reddit that are like "haha imagine killing yourself over a girl." There's A million fish in the sea type shit. I feel surrounded by cliches that tell me I should feel okay, especially after years, but it hasn't gotten better.
