Today I had my seminar. Social anxiety was very high. Could barely speak a word. They must consider me weird.
Then I thought maybe I could go to my self-help group again. Last time an interesting new woman joined. (she looks pretty beautiful) She also had psychosis as I learned today.
Maybe it is paranoia once again. But I think the chemistry master student might want to couple us. I think though I had a bad breath again. Last week it was really not good I noticed that. I did some preparations for today but I think it was still bad. I hate myself for it.
I had the feeling the chemistry master student intentionally split the group so that I can be alone with the new woman. I did not understand her name though. The conversation was pretty good but damn I am pissed against myself for the bad breath. Next time chewing gum.
I am really surprised the chemistry master student acted that way. It is only a hypothesis though. The new woman looks really attractive. The thing is I did not freeze. I was able to speak with her. A normal conversation even a good one. Sometimes my social anxiety kicks in and ruins everything. Like I barely can speak words. But conversationally I was really good. If the chemistry master student really is behind that I am so grateful to her. And I sort of regret how bad I talked about her in this forum. I think though there was some truth that she acted in a manipulative way in the past towards me.
I think the lesson I learned from my past dating experiences. Don't get your hopes too high up. Just because a woman considers you interesting this does not mean much. She can change her mind quickly. One can never look in the mind of others. This was the second time we met. However, tbh she looks like my dream girl. And I have the feeling she has a good personality mixed with her outer appearance. Damn. If I ruin that I am in the mood to kill myself (once again). But this goes against the rules of too much hope. I don't have her phone number yet. I think we have a pretty good chemistry.
I wonder though how much the chemistry master student told her about me. This could make me paranoid. Because the coupling theory does not have that many clues.
I think the two conclusion are: Don't get paranoid. Please don't get paranoid. By the way the woman just stopped taking her antipsychotic medication. I told her this is very dangerous. I think most people get a rebound psychosis.
Second thing. And this goes against my urge to kill myself when I fuck it up. There are still chances that I get a gf. Miracles can happen. And I almost was in a relationship, maybe I was for like a day in February. I should postpone my plans to ctb. And still try to improve.
Then I thought maybe I could go to my self-help group again. Last time an interesting new woman joined. (she looks pretty beautiful) She also had psychosis as I learned today.
Maybe it is paranoia once again. But I think the chemistry master student might want to couple us. I think though I had a bad breath again. Last week it was really not good I noticed that. I did some preparations for today but I think it was still bad. I hate myself for it.
I had the feeling the chemistry master student intentionally split the group so that I can be alone with the new woman. I did not understand her name though. The conversation was pretty good but damn I am pissed against myself for the bad breath. Next time chewing gum.
I am really surprised the chemistry master student acted that way. It is only a hypothesis though. The new woman looks really attractive. The thing is I did not freeze. I was able to speak with her. A normal conversation even a good one. Sometimes my social anxiety kicks in and ruins everything. Like I barely can speak words. But conversationally I was really good. If the chemistry master student really is behind that I am so grateful to her. And I sort of regret how bad I talked about her in this forum. I think though there was some truth that she acted in a manipulative way in the past towards me.
I think the lesson I learned from my past dating experiences. Don't get your hopes too high up. Just because a woman considers you interesting this does not mean much. She can change her mind quickly. One can never look in the mind of others. This was the second time we met. However, tbh she looks like my dream girl. And I have the feeling she has a good personality mixed with her outer appearance. Damn. If I ruin that I am in the mood to kill myself (once again). But this goes against the rules of too much hope. I don't have her phone number yet. I think we have a pretty good chemistry.
I wonder though how much the chemistry master student told her about me. This could make me paranoid. Because the coupling theory does not have that many clues.
I think the two conclusion are: Don't get paranoid. Please don't get paranoid. By the way the woman just stopped taking her antipsychotic medication. I told her this is very dangerous. I think most people get a rebound psychosis.
Second thing. And this goes against my urge to kill myself when I fuck it up. There are still chances that I get a gf. Miracles can happen. And I almost was in a relationship, maybe I was for like a day in February. I should postpone my plans to ctb. And still try to improve.
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