Venting WTF is wrong with me??!!

[Blackjack]

Man, talk about a head case. I'm dying, one way (via N) or the other (via ALS). Now, out of nowhere, comes this fear of actually dying! Or am I really just afraid of failing with N at the end of the month? Trapped in my body, yet now I'm just constantly mind fucking myself. N is literally 5 feet away from me in my drawer! I think I may be coming totally unhinged. Please someone make. it. stop. For the love of God. Make. it. stop.

 

[Mr2005]

You don't want to die you just don't know how to live. Probably. You've realised the enormity of it

 

[Stan]

I remember your story @Blackjack from the other day. If I remember right, the main reason for you going is the ALS. You spoke with love about your sons and your husband and your regret and worries about leaving them. Its only natural you have these thoughts, I am sure they will get even stronger later down the road

 

[scorpiooo2]

I'm simply not good at giving advice, but I hope this situation gets better for you and I hope you can come to terms and be at peace with death.

I wish you well

 

[Blackjack]

You don't want to die you just don't know how to live. Probably. You've realised the enormity of it

Not true.

 

[Mr2005]

^
Ok. Can't be right all the time. Only trying to help. You know better than anyone

 

[Blackjack]

^
Ok. Can't be right all the time. Only trying to help. You know better than anyone

I knew how to live before being given the slow, tortuous death sentence of ALS.

 

[Mr2005]

I misunderstood what ALS was sorry

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

May I ask what is ALS ?

 

[oopswronglife]

May I ask what is ALS ?

Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis...degenerative neurological disease where your body fails but your mind still works perfectly. Death comes from body failing.

Also called MND (motor neurone disease) and Lou Gherigs Disease.

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

I'm sorry, it's awfull. I don't know what else to say .

 

[Blackjack]

May I ask what is ALS ?

aka Lou Gehrig's Disease

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

I hate the nonsense of this life.

 

[Options]

I know we didn't get off to a good start. Sorry this is happening to you.
I think its pretty normal to fear death, especially as the time grows closer. Its a pretty difficult subject to fully grasp, knowing the facts isnt really the same as fully understanding.
I think pretty much anyone can understand your reasons for wanting to cbt. No one can blame you and I don't think anyone who cares about you wouldn't want you to suffer.
I hope you get to give your family a good goodbye.

 

[Blackjack]

I know we didn't get off to a good start. Sorry this is happening to you.
I think its pretty normal to fear death, especially as the time grows closer. Its a pretty difficult subject to fully grasp, knowing the facts isnt really the same as fully understanding.
I think pretty much anyone can understand your reasons for wanting to cbt. No one can blame you and I don't think anyone who cares about you wouldn't want you to suffer.
I hope you get to give your family a good goodbye.

What happened that "we didn't get off to a good start"? Not following.

 

[Dawn0071111]

You don't want to die you just don't know how to live. Probably. You've realised the enormity of it

Thats the case for me, but still force my death... to me it better than learning how to live...
I understand, I belive its conpletely normal what you are feeling. Ending ones life, unless in an impulsive moment, is something that requires a process, and fear imo is a part of that process. It doesnt mean you will or won't CTB. .. but it seems that you just have to resolve things to your own satisfaction in your mind as you proceed in the decision making process.

 

[account676]

ALS? That must be terrifying. It's like you don't have a choice in the matter. Take care

 

[Blackjack]

ALS? That must be terrifying. It's like you don't have a choice in the matter. Take care

Yes, it is terrifying. And every morning when I wake up & have that split second realization that I didn't die in my sleep is another crushing blow.

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

Yes, it is terrifying. And every morning when I wake up & have that split second realization that I didn't die in my sleep is another crushing blow.

Hi Blackjack,
Even if I can't really understand your suffering, I face the same thing every day when I wake up.