Venting Wtf is my issue..

[hiddenbpd]

I've been a member here a while, but had a period of remission for a bit where I wasn't visiting SaSu much. Safe to say that is over now.
I cannot stop thinking about suicide, I'm indifferent about dying. I had plans to ctb previously, but big surprise, no effort put towards the action.
To many others here, I probably have no reason to want to ctb. I have a good job, own a home and car, have healthcare/mental health care, and have a supportive partner. But all of that almost makes it feel worse, knowing I am so privileged, and still wanting to disappear. I wish I was able to embrace it all, but there's a barrier somewhere. No matter what I do, I can't seem to let go of this part of me that is living to die. I never strived to have any of what I do, it felt like the bare minimum to be a human being worthy of life.
Reading through a lot of other posts, I see why a lot of members have been driven to this site and have a draw to ctb. Me though? It seems to be a mystery.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

Thoughts about ctb don't discriminate. You can have everything and still feel this way. You are just as valid for feeling this way as others. It's an illnesses that is very sinister.

I do hope you can get better. I know you've probably tried a lot to feel better, but if there's hope there's a possibility

 

[Front Back]

There's no helping, ideation can come from many thing and doesn't discriminate. Being in here is a mistake tho if you want to live