Eazy
𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶
- Mar 13, 2026
- 25
I thought if I got to a point where i didnt have panic attacks anymore, I would be happy.
I'm here now, and now I see that all of my emotions were still horrible and extreme, unlivable.
The emotions were still valid nonetheless, even when I didn't treat them as such.
I've never been happy a day in my life
And I don't know what I want
I used to try to hold onto the pictures in my head
A thought, a whim
And it would launch me into a panic attack every time I couldn't find it
Everytime it didnt make me whole, it didnt cure me
Thoughts never can make you whole. Or cure you from what you are
I would hold those thoughts
to try to make myself whole
to try to be different
from what i am
I wanted
to hold something
to have something
Rather than the nothing that I am
The nothing that my life is
Never for me to grab onto a lovers hand
Never for me to want someone else, and to be wanted in return
Warm words
A smile
Laughs
These are the highlights of my life, the things i share with others
No one has ever gazed into my eyes, wanted me
Yearned for me
Devoured me with their sight
Saw me as a whole and needed every part of me
And i have never felt that way towards another human being, although i have craved and hungered for their touch
i am utterly alone.
When I was young i thought i was in love
But i realize now that i was lonely
That desire is different
That's not what being in love feels like
I don't think its sick like that
I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am helplessly alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am helplessly alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone.
I'm here now, and now I see that all of my emotions were still horrible and extreme, unlivable.
The emotions were still valid nonetheless, even when I didn't treat them as such.
I've never been happy a day in my life
And I don't know what I want
I used to try to hold onto the pictures in my head
A thought, a whim
And it would launch me into a panic attack every time I couldn't find it
Everytime it didnt make me whole, it didnt cure me
Thoughts never can make you whole. Or cure you from what you are
I would hold those thoughts
to try to make myself whole
to try to be different
from what i am
I wanted
to hold something
to have something
Rather than the nothing that I am
The nothing that my life is
Never for me to grab onto a lovers hand
Never for me to want someone else, and to be wanted in return
Warm words
A smile
Laughs
These are the highlights of my life, the things i share with others
No one has ever gazed into my eyes, wanted me
Yearned for me
Devoured me with their sight
Saw me as a whole and needed every part of me
And i have never felt that way towards another human being, although i have craved and hungered for their touch
i am utterly alone.
When I was young i thought i was in love
But i realize now that i was lonely
That desire is different
That's not what being in love feels like
I don't think its sick like that
I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am helplessly alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am helplessly alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone.
