Writing all my thoughts into my final letter

[seabed_adan]

I'm finally writing everything I have ever felt into my exit letter. It directly talks to most of the people active in my life, including my family. I don't know when I will CTB and I don't have any SN right now but ideally I'd be gone before the next week (school) starts. I doubt I will do it before then, so I also aim before my birthday in a couple of weeks.
I used to have a shiny glimmer of hope but I was diagnosed with autism and I realize all the horrible things I do because of it, and how I'm not fixable and this is just me. Permanently. I don't even have the capacity to love my own family, only my mom. Therapy has actively made things worse, and I don't like medicine. I'm writing the letter so the people understand that living like how I do is truly miserable and to have empathy in my decision. I feel like everyone else is selfish to keep me living like this. Never in my almost 21 years have I ever been happy long term. I wasted my childhood, wasted my adolescence, wasted my only young years being miserable and I don't want to grow old, I don't want to see my parents die, I'd rather just be gone now. I am truly ready to embrace my decision. I just want to be free. I hope this final letter can just show them what it's like feeling like you're not even a human. Seeing how this is for the better.

 

[fwompie]

I'm finally writing everything I have ever felt into my exit letter. It directly talks to most of the people active in my life, including my family. I don't know when I will CTB and I don't have any SN right now but ideally I'd be gone before the next week (school) starts. I doubt I will do it before then, so I also aim before my birthday in a couple of weeks.
I used to have a shiny glimmer of hope but I was diagnosed with autism and I realize all the horrible things I do because of it, and how I'm not fixable and this is just me. Permanently. I don't even have the capacity to love my own family, only my mom. Therapy has actively made things worse, and I don't like medicine. I'm writing the letter so the people understand that living like how I do is truly miserable and to have empathy in my decision. I feel like everyone else is selfish to keep me living like this. Never in my almost 21 years have I ever been happy long term. I wasted my childhood, wasted my adolescence, wasted my only young years being miserable and I don't want to grow old, I don't want to see my parents die, I'd rather just be gone now. I am truly ready to embrace my decision. I just want to be free. I hope this final letter can just show them what it's like feeling like you're not even a human. Seeing how this is for the better.

Just want you to know that this is not your fault your brain works differently and society doesn't like that, which is completely unfair. You've not wasted any time, you were just not accommodated so you could be your best self.
I understand that it's hard to live in a society that doesn't like how your brain works, I will respect your choice or anyone's informed choice here but just know that you are, like so many people, a perfectly beautiful human. It's society that's the problem.

Wishing you the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's certainly very much understandable just wishing to be permanently free from this existence, I hope you eventually find what you search for, best wishes.