So this woman I had a date with on Saturday seems to ghost me. Today I sent a second message and if I don't get a reply the next 2-3 days I gonna delete her contact. I have like a million theories why she rejected me. And no theory is actually good for my self-worth and self-confidence. I feel horrible about it. We were so similar. We both are on the autism spectrum. However, I am not a single mom of a five year old child. And I think it is better that this isn't the case. Moreover, she seemed to like love bullying. For me a red flag.
I have one very close friend who is in a longterm relationship. He is among my two closest friends. The ones that called the police when I was on the edge of suicide. I think my family should be thankful to them. The irony is my mom never learned how serious it was. She thinks they called the police without immediate danger. But I was about to drink my SN. Thus far I think it was better the police arrived before I drank it. But this isn't the topic of this thread.
I think my friend has a role model relationship with his gf. He is never lying to her. They are extremely open and honest. He said he couldn't imagine a non-monogamous relationship when he never was in a relationship. But now after more than 5 years (not sure about that exact number) he says he would be open for sexual relations with other women if it is communicated properly. And his gf knows that. I am not sure whether she would want to do the same.
I often tell him about the quantum physics professor who was an expert in future predictions. My friend told me we will never play again a certain card game. He said that 5 years ago. I told him the quantum physics professors would say don't be too confident when making predictions. And well now we are playing it again. I am friends with him since over a decade. I think for over 15 years we are friends now. The people in the core friend group know themselve sfor over 10 years. I asked him in which scenario would it be likely that our friendship falls apart. I made a joke if I murdered a friend during a psychosis. (I am extremely harmless psychotic thank God) Or when I just murdered a friend for fun. Which was a joke. But he replied if a friend of him had an affair with his gf he wouldn't want to spend time with him anymore. And the condition was the affair takes place behind his back. There is a joke that someone else in the friend group had an affair with his gf. I am pretty sure this isn't the case though.
So I thought about it to myself. Would I trade a close friendship for a sexual affair? And I think never in my life would I do that. At least for now I cannot imagine it. It is way more likely that one day I am so desperate to go a sex worker. But betraying a close friend never. When our friendship started we both were pretty unpopular among peers. And there were two friends who talked shit about him behind his back to impress other women. I never participated in that. I think I told him straightaway about that. But I am not perfect I gossiped about another friend once but only because he wasn't loyal either. But my current friends are the best thing that ever happened to me. I would never trade their friendship for sex. Not even for a relationship. I think it is not worth it. And only a moron with no princriples would do that. But maybe the answer also depends on how good the friends actually are.
I am now friends with them for 15 years. We went through so much together. I think I have some traits that make it pretty unlikely that a relationship with a woman is long lasting. I think sex would be interesting. But I don't like the taste of betrayal. And sex would be easier to get if I just paid a sex worker. There is no need to stab a friend in the back for that. Both is probably pretty immoral. And I betraying my friend would be also stupid as fuck. I am a horrible liar it would come out eventually. And ruin a close friendship that saved me a couple of times from the edge. I think my support network is extremely important. Trading sex for it would be stupid as fuck. And a romantic partnership? I don't think this would work either.
I jokingly told to one of my friends. Imagine that all of our friends were bisexual. We often have parties (without alcohol), we are just playing video games, talking bullshit, having fun. Imagine we would have orgies at these parties. I think this would actually ruin our friendships. I know this thought is bizarre. I think though when the sexual factor comes into play this can make relations pretty difficult. I think it is way better to externalize it. However, there were two friends that they tried to couple and it didn't work. I think when sexuality comes into play talking about needs is very important. I think it can corrupt relations. And it can become pretty transactional. Sometimes it works. But often times it doesn't work.
What do you think?
Okay yada yada yada she (the woman I had a date with on Saturday) just messaged me and complimented me. I am not sure whether its honest though...
I just did stupid rationalization for convincing me that it is better when she tears me apart. Lol. I am not sure whether she is actually honest though.
I have one very close friend who is in a longterm relationship. He is among my two closest friends. The ones that called the police when I was on the edge of suicide. I think my family should be thankful to them. The irony is my mom never learned how serious it was. She thinks they called the police without immediate danger. But I was about to drink my SN. Thus far I think it was better the police arrived before I drank it. But this isn't the topic of this thread.
I think my friend has a role model relationship with his gf. He is never lying to her. They are extremely open and honest. He said he couldn't imagine a non-monogamous relationship when he never was in a relationship. But now after more than 5 years (not sure about that exact number) he says he would be open for sexual relations with other women if it is communicated properly. And his gf knows that. I am not sure whether she would want to do the same.
I often tell him about the quantum physics professor who was an expert in future predictions. My friend told me we will never play again a certain card game. He said that 5 years ago. I told him the quantum physics professors would say don't be too confident when making predictions. And well now we are playing it again. I am friends with him since over a decade. I think for over 15 years we are friends now. The people in the core friend group know themselve sfor over 10 years. I asked him in which scenario would it be likely that our friendship falls apart. I made a joke if I murdered a friend during a psychosis. (I am extremely harmless psychotic thank God) Or when I just murdered a friend for fun. Which was a joke. But he replied if a friend of him had an affair with his gf he wouldn't want to spend time with him anymore. And the condition was the affair takes place behind his back. There is a joke that someone else in the friend group had an affair with his gf. I am pretty sure this isn't the case though.
So I thought about it to myself. Would I trade a close friendship for a sexual affair? And I think never in my life would I do that. At least for now I cannot imagine it. It is way more likely that one day I am so desperate to go a sex worker. But betraying a close friend never. When our friendship started we both were pretty unpopular among peers. And there were two friends who talked shit about him behind his back to impress other women. I never participated in that. I think I told him straightaway about that. But I am not perfect I gossiped about another friend once but only because he wasn't loyal either. But my current friends are the best thing that ever happened to me. I would never trade their friendship for sex. Not even for a relationship. I think it is not worth it. And only a moron with no princriples would do that. But maybe the answer also depends on how good the friends actually are.
I am now friends with them for 15 years. We went through so much together. I think I have some traits that make it pretty unlikely that a relationship with a woman is long lasting. I think sex would be interesting. But I don't like the taste of betrayal. And sex would be easier to get if I just paid a sex worker. There is no need to stab a friend in the back for that. Both is probably pretty immoral. And I betraying my friend would be also stupid as fuck. I am a horrible liar it would come out eventually. And ruin a close friendship that saved me a couple of times from the edge. I think my support network is extremely important. Trading sex for it would be stupid as fuck. And a romantic partnership? I don't think this would work either.
I jokingly told to one of my friends. Imagine that all of our friends were bisexual. We often have parties (without alcohol), we are just playing video games, talking bullshit, having fun. Imagine we would have orgies at these parties. I think this would actually ruin our friendships. I know this thought is bizarre. I think though when the sexual factor comes into play this can make relations pretty difficult. I think it is way better to externalize it. However, there were two friends that they tried to couple and it didn't work. I think when sexuality comes into play talking about needs is very important. I think it can corrupt relations. And it can become pretty transactional. Sometimes it works. But often times it doesn't work.
What do you think?
Okay yada yada yada she (the woman I had a date with on Saturday) just messaged me and complimented me. I am not sure whether its honest though...
I just did stupid rationalization for convincing me that it is better when she tears me apart. Lol. I am not sure whether she is actually honest though.
Last edited:
