Discussion Would you still self-destruct if someone truly and genuinely starts loving you?

[Leshen]

No, I've never been interested in relationships and I think people and their emotions are a huge burden.
I'm much happier alone.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Tough question. On one hand, I could see how that would be very helpful. On the other hand, however, it wouldn't remove the problem that has brought me to suicide anyway. She'd have to be truly spectacular and most likely unrealistic in order to have any hope of turning this train wreck around.

 

[lighthousekeeper]

No, I think my dad loves me, not sure about my mom, but ultimately it's not my responsibility to stay alive for him

 

[sarahlouise]

Yes

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I have several people who truly and genuinely love me, and I've still self-destructed. My woes are my own, and not exclusively linked to the way others feel about me. I self-destruct because of much deeper issues. Even the people who love me the most can't really save me.

 

[After The End]

Anyone claiming to truly and genuinely love me:

1. Is just trading in ersatz sentimentality. Many people are so divorced from the concept of integrity that they don't even expect such things to be taken seriously and have no concept of how manipulative and harmful they're being.

2. Is a liar looking to pull some sort of con, probably a narc who realized how much I have saved.

3. Has serious issues of their own. Their interest in me is not about me but about their need for something I can provide. If I fail to meet their needs, no matter how much I'm suffering at the time, regardless of whether they've shown any reciprocity, they'll start resenting me, and their perception of me will eventually end up in the gutter.

The idea that I'm ever actually going to meet someone who, 'who genuinely starts loving and caring about me regardless of my issues,' is farcical nonsense. Not worth thinking about. In fact it's nothing short of dangerous for someone in my position to entertain these beliefs because it vastly increases the odds of me being taken for a ride by someone who is only going to leave me worse off. Emotionally, financially, or both.

 

[Emily123]

Many people love me .At least they tell me that they love . But it doesn't help me to feel better about myself

 

[GonnaGoBye]

maybe, but that is only if someone truly accepts the darkness and this depression that is currently in me.
I found someone whom I thought, but nope.

 

[curiouskitty]

I am in a happy and content relationship, yet I still wanna CTB. Why? Cause they are independent issues. My partner is aware of my desire to cease and is as supporting as possible through my more depressed moods.

A relationship doesn't "fix" you. All it does is change your momentary living experience. If you desire to CTB because of philosophical/rational, financial, health reasons, it will occur entirely independently of your relationship status.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I have a partner and 2 children who love me. It makes no difference. You are still who you are inside x

I'm here at the bus stop with you even though I have a loving partner and kid as well. We are who we are, external affection changes little. It just makes you feel guilty.

 

[GoPeaceful]

No

 

[Cherrypea]

I'm here at the bus stop with you even though I have a loving partner and kid as well. We are who we are, external affection changes little. It just makes you feel guilty.

So guilty yes, that's why I'm still here x

 

[After The End]

A relationship doesn't "fix" you. All it does is change your momentary living experience. If you desire to CTB because of philosophical/rational, financial, health reasons, it will occur entirely independently of your relationship status.

Obviously a relationship doesn't, 'fix,' you but then I don't see anyone here suggesting it does so moving on from the straw-man.

You don't see how a change in your living experience can improve someone's prospects?

If you desire to CTB because of philosophical/rational, financial, health reasons, it will occur entirely independently of your relationship status.

There is a huge body of research out there showing that relationships can and do greatly improve people's health and financial outlook. There is a huge body of research out there showing isolation can do the opposite. So claiming that a relationship will change nothing if you want to suicide for financial and emotional reasons is just empirically false. It could change much.

You shouldn't even need to be familiar with the research to be able to infer this. A simple appreciation of the psycho/social/physical model of mental illness should suffice as being in a relationship can provide benefits in all of these areas. Although it can also cause more problems in all of them too. Heck a bad relationship could potentially make you more suicidal.

As for the point about philosophical/rational causes what if someone literally wants to die because they're convinced they will spend the rest of their life alone, and feel such a life is not worth living? I see people say this often in the SS chat. Never seen anyone intimate that a relationship will, 'fix,' them. Literally ever. In fact most of them despair of their ability to cultivate one precisely because of the things about them which are 'broken,'

 

[AllReturnsToNothing]

I'd like to think that in this case someone would care enough about me to do absolutely everything they can to pull me out of the abyss but realistically that would be a herculean effort and i'm incredibly stubborn which is why they would leave inevitably. So basically I'm unlovable.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

Someone does. It doesn't make a single difference for me.

 

[trigzter]

Yeah im an alcohlic. Even if id let someone into my life id still continue to drink and destroy both our lives. I actively push people away for a reason

 

[Life_and_Death]

I have 5 people that I mean the world to and they mean the world to me. They are my everything. But, sadly it's like I tell them, it's not your fault. You played no part in this. It's just.... Love can't change the past.

 

[minkymomo]

this is a really fresh wound and sort of a vent but my now ex was the only person i had in life and i loved him with my entire heart and more, i have bpd and he was bipolar so we clicked really really nicely and understood eachothers struggles and worries, i thought he was my soulmate; he fell into a really bad depressive episode june-current and just a week ago said he didnt love me anymore and doesnt know what made him fall out of love with me, and left me, and even said that once he was better he wouldnt consider going back to try and be with me again. i love him and i love everything about him and he was the only thing keeping me from hurting myself but now hes gone, i would do anything to feel him again and hear him say he loves me but i guess something about me wasnt good enough, i've never been enough for anyone in my life though so i guess im used to it
id do anything in the world to get him back, and i wouldnt dream of hurting myself anymore if i had him

 

[Jadedcat]

I had a boyfriend for 6 years and I still wanted to. Although I can tell you now, being without makes it so much worse. I think puppy dog love could probably help me but there's no way I could even do that right now because I'm grieving. Unless my other issues went away, I'd probably still want to go after the "high" wore off.. I think.. I don't know, it's hard to tell actually. If that person really fought for me I might get better.

 

[thickiana]

Yes. I have this stupid SHIT DICKHEAD neurologic disorder and it's the only reason why I have to ctb. I can't live with this. There's nothing wrong with my life except this physical condition. I have a loving family, wonderful friends etc. but being loved doesn't change anything when I'm trapped in my sick body.

 

[Cashewmilk]

No because that doesn't exist. People are users and liars and backstabbers, what you lonely folks are looking for isn't real.

 

[WinterFaust]

It would make a difference but only for a little while. In my experience, love doesn't cure mental illness, self-loathing, or trauma. But it does make it easier sometimes, in the few moments that your brain gives you a break. Being in love is nice. I miss it but it's hard when you constantly feel broken.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

No because that doesn't exist. People are users and liars and backstabbers, what you lonely folks are looking for isn't real.

I think it's a real thing, but it's so extremely rare that most people never find it. All I know is, I've had people in my life that I thought cared about me and it even seemed genuine at times, but it just turned out that I was being taken advantage of. It's really hard for me to tell the difference because dishonest people can be very convincing and manipulative. That is why being loved would never stop me from CTB, even if it postpones it a while longer, because in the back of my mind, I would always have my doubts about the other person's intentions.

 

[alexit]

I was asking myself today how would (if at all ) my attitude toward self-destruction and life change if I meet someone today who genuinely starts loving and caring about me regardless of my issues.

Anyone? No. Someone specific? Yes.

 

[ryla2090]

My family(Brother, Father, and Mother, along with others) as well as other friends do care for me genuinely, but life just sucks too much, so a no from me.