would you still do it if someone cares about you/try to stop you?

[melonrazor]

i have a few friends and my family tries their best to help me. i am on anti depressants for 7 years and have tried a few times to ctb. i am only living because i don't want to make my parents sad. i have no will to stay alive. i want to go but i feel trapped. is it selfish?

 

[Midwest_Indigo]

One of the toughest questions. I've read countless replies online, from all angles. Even my psychologist has mentioned the effects of suicide as if I'm not aware. I never view it as selfish, and will never frame it as that. I truly don't think others can possibly understand the burden of feeling trapped. It's awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I have family who tries to help too and though I try to open up more now when I'm struggling, I also have valid reasons to isolate and to keep them from seeing my pain. It's like there's no win-win solutions sometimes. I've always said that it's not our job to manage others' emotions... though that doesn't make any of this any easier, especially for those who really do care and have been there for us. I don't think we should ever feel shame, but it's also hard to just turn off our feelings and act like we don't care. We also can't magically have a will to live for others and I think it's cruel when others insinuate we should stay alive for them. It's really, really tough and I'm sorry you and me and so many others are in this spot. I'd like to want to live for myself and be free from feeling trapped, but that never lasts...

Thinking of you!

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Lots of people care about me enough to try to stop me but I don't care about any of them. There needs to be a specific person that I care about who cares back and unfortunately this person likely doesn't exist.

 

[heresyinria]

I stopped attempting before because of my mother as well, because she would be alone. Though I don't view ctb as selfish, it's simply a way out of this hell.

 

[June 24]

i have a few friends and my family tries their best to help me. i am on anti depressants for 7 years and have tried a few times to ctb. i am only living because i don't want to make my parents sad. i have no will to stay alive. i want to go but i feel trapped. is it selfish?

I don't have anyone except myself

 

[heresyinria]

I don't have anyone except myself

Maybe that's all you really need

 

[Daryl72]

Lots of people care about me enough to try to stop me but I don't care about any of them. There needs to be a specific person that I care about who cares back and unfortunately this person likely doesn't exist.

I totally get that. I also don't think that one person exist either.

 

[dinosavr]

The problem is that they do… If I were on my own, there would be nothing to stop me. I'm more than sure.

 

[F@#$]

That would require that someone gives a fuck about me. That's not the case,so I'm aiming for trauma and chaos in my departure.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, I would still do it. Somebody caring about me isn't going to change society or the current system

 

[Nowilleavehim]

Lots of people care about me enough to try to stop me but I don't care about any of them. There needs to be a specific person that I care about who cares back and unfortunately this person likely doesn't exist.

It's crazy because I met someone who was that person and for 6 years I've been on the better side of things. Now that person has left. People tell me there's more out there but if one doesn't exist doubt I find another.

 

[everythingoes]

i've never been in a relationship and over the years i've lost all the friends i had. the only people who would "care" about me would be my family… and even that is debatable. but even so, a few people caring about me is not enough to keep me going. because it's not about other people, it's about me, i'm the biggest problem of my life. i see all my shortcomings and i can't do anything about them because that's how i was born. i don't care that people love me if i can't live with myself.

 

[AmberianDawn]

Some people try to stop me, but they are not the ones who are suffering from this mental illness.
They also don't want to invest money in my mental health, they want me to stay alive.
Therefore, they will have to live with the guilt that they did not help me enough. They will have to use the money on their own mental health after they find out I did the ctb

 

[astrichaoz]

Yeah, I would still do it. I need to choose for myself and do what I know is best for me. I can't just live for someone else.

 

[MisterOGBongWater]

half the reason i wanna is tht i drove off the only person who gave a shit

 

[thealteredmind]

of course. I don't want to be saved, doesn't gonna change a damn thing.

 

[lament.]

I pretty much feel the same way, friends and family are constantly in my life, I don't want to ruin their lives with my death. I feel like if I just sit through the years wasting away, saying yes to going to the monthly family or friend event, party, birthday, etc, then I won't negatively impact their lives, but if I do that I will just feel worse and worse every single day, and I know that's true because that's what I've been doing for the past 3 years. I hate every second of it but it's so hard to muster up the courage to make the choice that I know will greatly impact many people around me.

If one of them truly tried to stop me, I don't know what I'd do. I think I would be hurt by them more than anything. I just want to fade away into obscurity then die alone. The people I love are my greatest curse but also my greatest blessing, and it feels horrible.

 

[divinemistress87]

My family did stop me and it ruined my life even more i got put in psych hospital and talked into electro shock therapy which caused a bunch a memory loss

 

[nyul]

I have been experiencing a similar dilemma. I have been staying in the game just to prevent hurting others for a very long time but it's starting to feel unbearable. Also, I've come to really doubt how much it even matters to loved ones if I stick around, especially given how much of a ghost like existence I have been living. How could they miss someone who hasn't really been present in years anyway?

I ended up discussing these things with my sister and she seemed really mad at me for even considering ctb, for believing that it wouldn't make much of a difference. At first I felt hurt by her frustration, especially because she said that it would be less upsetting if I passed due to natural causes. It felt like it had nothing to do with me. And I guess it didn't. Still, this made me realize that I'll have to be discreet when the time comes if I want to prevent hurting people more than necessary. For now I'm going with slow and passive. Anything to up my chances of freedom.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Well what am I supposed to do? I can call the hospital but after they... attempt to fix me up I'm sure they'll just send me to the mental hospital or to an asylum. I was too scared to get it fixed and now it's too late.

I can't wait for the doctor to even diagnose me because that will take 30 days to even get an appointment. And then I'd have to wait god knows how long just for surgery.

 

[lament.]

I have been experiencing a similar dilemma. I have been staying in the game just to prevent hurting others for a very long time but it's starting to feel unbearable. Also, I've come to really doubt how much it even matters to loved ones if I stick around, especially given how much of a ghost like existence I have been living. How could they miss someone who hasn't really been present in years anyway?

I ended up discussing these things with my sister and she seemed really mad at me for even considering ctb, for believing that it wouldn't make much of a difference. At first I felt hurt by her frustration, especially because she said that it would be less upsetting if I passed due to natural causes. It felt like it had nothing to do with me. And I guess it didn't. Still, this made me realize that I'll have to be discreet when the time comes if I want to prevent hurting people more than necessary. For now I'm going with slow and passive. Anything to up my chances of freedom.

This captures the feeling so well, it's like if I died in a tragic accident or somehow naturally then they would be sad but eventually move on, but if I CTBd they would be even more upset because they would blame themselves for my death.

 

[m1ll1pede]

My dad views suicide as selfish, I'm worried about the funeral bills, I have a boyfriend, a little sister and two cats. They were all worried sick when I was at the hospital (or so they say) I wont be guilty after I'm gone, I wont feel it or anything. We all die in the end so in my eyes it doesn't matter if I die or not

 

[MidnightGloom]

I do not think it is selfish. In the first place, I do not have people who care for me, so I can not easily say how much it'd affect my decision. However, at this time, I'd say that even if there were people who cared for me, I would still do it without regret. I understand that it may have an effect on them, however, there is nothing in this world worth prolonging misery. I would not be able to force myself to succumb to their emotion. I wouldn't be able to force myself to pretend to be normal and happy.

Nobody is able to live through another person. As soon as something happens to the other person, it would only make their life worse than it was before they came into the picture. You cannot live for someone else. You cannot make them the reason for you living. If anything, I'd find it worse to put your life in the hands of this person, who has no idea their importance and value in you continuing to live.

That is why I don't find it selfish. I think it's fine for you to still want to die even though you have someone who cares and tries to stop you.

 

[RadiantNumber]

no and this is why I'm still alive unfortunately

 

[itsneverbeenmoreove]

There's only one person and they won't be trying so it's not really worth considering I don't think.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I suppose there are various levels of caring. I also feel stuck here because I know my suicide could well devastate my Dad. After him, there are people who care about me but- from a greater distance. It's hard to know how it would affect them. Some I haven't even seen in 5, 10, even 20 years- so practically speaking, just how much can you miss someone who hasn't been around all that time?!!

But yeah- for now, I can't bring myself to think it would be ok to do that to my Dad. Still- that has to hinge on our own experience of life. How tolerable it is. It's like a balance in my mind. I'm probably lucky enough to not be struggling quite as much as some poor people here. If my situation really deteriorated, I may well start to reconsider. To me, it's about when we feel our own pain would outweigh theirs.

I do wonder often- if we were able to talk about how we honestly felt. If people had a clearer idea of how unhappy someone was, how long they had been struggling, what they'd tried and what had failed to make them feel better- would they be more accepting of our decision? Sadly though, I just don't think we really allow that in society. We're all encouraged to pretend that we are ok.

 

[rednights]

I have a whole range of people who care about me and would try to stop me, anywhere from professionals to acquaintances to a few people I'm closer with. Even so, I'm quite set on trying to ctb.

The thing is, I won't be living my life for other people. I will still be dealing with everything that troubles me when I'm not spending time with them, after all.

Of course I don't want to hurt anyone with my death, but I think people should look out for their own needs before anybody else's. Not implying we shouldn't ever consider other people's feelings, of course. And it's absolutely complicated

Just that you can't pour from an empty cup. That sort of thing.

 

[ninfanatic]

No, but it's only because of my unfortunate circumstances.