I pretty much feel the same way, friends and family are constantly in my life, I don't want to ruin their lives with my death. I feel like if I just sit through the years wasting away, saying yes to going to the monthly family or friend event, party, birthday, etc, then I won't negatively impact their lives, but if I do that I will just feel worse and worse every single day, and I know that's true because that's what I've been doing for the past 3 years. I hate every second of it but it's so hard to muster up the courage to make the choice that I know will greatly impact many people around me.
If one of them truly tried to stop me, I don't know what I'd do. I think I would be hurt by them more than anything. I just want to fade away into obscurity then die alone. The people I love are my greatest curse but also my greatest blessing, and it feels horrible.