Venting Would ketamine help someone who wholeheartedly actively rejects everything and stands by that?

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

I don't care about experiencing cool shit, food, sex (ace), family, love (aro), friendship, fun, happiness, hobbies, skills, jobs, events, etc. Blah blah blah you get it, I don't want any of it, why would these things help ME? ME and not my brain that can be influenced by outside factors and chemicals, why would they help ME and why should I accept the brain as myself? I am my brain but I DID NOT WANT IT TO BE SO, I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS, YET ALL OF THEM ENJOY IT AND THEY WANT ME TO ENJOY IT TO OR I'M A DEFECT, THEY GASLIGHTED ME INTO FUCKING LIVING FOR ALL THESE YEARS AND NOW TELL ME THAT IT'S MY FAULT.

Sorry, got a little worked up

 

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If the issue is treatment-resistant depression and ketamine treatment is accessible, then the potential for help certainly exists, even amidst the concerns you laid out here. If anything has a chance to break through multiple complexities (eg. underlying biases or preconceived notions about ketamine, or about depression, or about life in general, or about one's odds of recovery, etc.), ketamine is probably the treatment with the highest potential to do so (perhaps excepting ECT which is more of a last-resort option).

Used as a standalone treatment, maintenance would likely be needed for sustained improvement. If used in conjunction with other treatments (eg. psychotherapy), the potential for sustained improvement increases. While you could see rapid relief of symptoms, this relief would likely be short-lived without maintenance infusions or other ongoing treatment.

If anticipating maintenance infusions, it would be worth making sure the doctor is accounting for the risk of tolerance buildup.

A caveat with ketamine: If there is any history of mania, psychosis, or severe dissociation, the treating doctor needs to know about it as ketamine could trigger episodes or worsen those symptoms.

It sounds like you might have more going on than "just depression" (if depression at all?), and if that's the case, it would be difficult to speculate on its potential as it relates to you specifically. Speaking in general, though, ketamine treatment is definitely worth looking at for anyone with depression (potentially other diagnoses as well), even people who have the kinds of strong doubts or holdbacks like those you mentioned in the OP here.