Venting Would it be selfish of me to CTB if I'm someone's safe place?

[nozomu]

Someone I deeply care for is likely in an abusive situation and finds safety in me. It makes me feel bad about needing to CTB. They don't know that I know but I found out on accident. (Boy, am I fucking tired of accidentally being burdened with other people's heavy stuff)

I can't tolerate living much longer. I'm just waiting for my obligations to others to be less, then I will CTB. Even if I don't have my preferred method by that point.

But I've been in abusive situations too, so the empathy in me knows this pain too well. I feel selfish for wanting to CTB still even though I know this person finds refuge from their situation in me, because having been there I'd be devastated if I lost the people who filled this role for me.

And I can't even directly confront them about it and be like lol hey, lemme help you out of this. Because I am not supposed to know.

Why do I keep getting tied down to this world by my caring and compassion for others? Why do I bear so much pain just to see other people smile?

When is it my turn to smile in earnest? to smile freely, without the weight of the world on my shoulders... No one is ever going to come save me. But I am forced to continue being a refuge for others.

 

[Life_and_Death]

(im going to start this with im sorry my response is basically just me projecting so take it for what you will)

Why not? i have no friends, no family. cant go to therapy. im living with a guy that denies r*ping me and my safe place f*cked off! apparently its totally cool to not give a f*ck

 

[nozomu]

(im going to start this with im sorry my response is basically just me projecting so take it for what you will)

Why not? i have no friends, no family. cant go to therapy. im living with a guy that denies r*ping me and my safe place f*cked off! apparently its totally cool to not give a f*ck

See, I don't want to be the kind of person hurting you :(

 

[Life_and_Death]

See, I don't want to be the kind of person hurting you :(

i started with i was sorry.
theres a lot of factors to my situation that spans over 10years. its understandable that im hurt.

And I can't even directly confront them about it and be like lol hey, lemme help you out of this. Because I am not supposed to know.

you might not be suppose to know, but that doesnt mean they dont want someone to talk to about it, especially if your their safe place. i dont suggest abruptly mentioning but maybe asking if theres anything going on they want to talk about.
theres also anonymously calling someone and saying my friend needs help. while this is typically frowned upon for suicide, abuse isnt the same. although id still try to get a general feeling for if they want that call. i personally dont and my "friends" know id kick their ass for it. in my case my life has been uprooted and in pain enough. for my specific situation i need to take my time and do it my way.

 

[nozomu]

i started with i was sorry.
theres a lot of factors to my situation that spans over 10years. its understandable that im hurt.


you might not be suppose to know, but that doesnt mean they dont want someone to talk to about it, especially if your their safe place. i dont suggest abruptly mentioning but maybe asking if theres anything going on they want to talk about.
theres also anonymously calling someone and saying my friend needs help. while this is typically frowned upon for suicide, abuse isnt the same. although id still try to get a general feeling for if they want that call. i personally dont and my "friends" know id kick their ass for it. in my case my life has been uprooted and in pain enough. for my specific situation i need to take my time and do it my way.

It's not the kind of abuse that I think any services would help with, but it's something if they'd accept my help I could realistically get them out and away from it. But it would require that conversation revealing that curiosity got the better of me and I did some digging I shouldn't have done, which may render me less trustworthy, or perhaps cause them to run from me and I don't want to lose their company before I CTB. I can try to go about it lightly and in a roundabout way, but considering this situation also involves me in a romantic sense, they probably will not disclose to me and continue to see me as an escape from their problems unless I am direct.

Ah, the complexities of human interpersonal relationships suck. :')

 

[Life_and_Death]

It's not the kind of abuse that I think any services would help with, but it's something if they'd accept my help I could realistically get them out and away from it. But it would require that conversation revealing that curiosity got the better of me and I did some digging I shouldn't have done, which may render me less trustworthy, or perhaps cause them to run from me and I don't want to lose their company before I CTB. I can try to go about it lightly and in a roundabout way, but considering this situation also involves me in a romantic sense, they probably will not disclose to me and continue to see me as an escape from their problems unless I am direct.

Ah, the complexities of human interpersonal relationships suck. :')

your situation sounds exactly like mine only unlike him you seem to actually care.

what about actually being honest? example "i know you probably dont want me to know this, and im sorry that i do. but i heard whats going on and i want to help you." (more projecting) followed by some bs about how they deserve better and whatnot

 

[Forever Sleep]

I really feel for you. You sound like such a compassionate person to be there for your friend like that. I wish life would repay you but sadly, it doesn't seem to work like that.

I'm so sorry to say that I don't know what the answer is. I think we all have that lonely choice to make by ourselves I'm afraid. For me, I don't feel like I can do it while my Dad is still here. The thought of what it would likely do to him is currently worse than getting through this life shit. That said- things aren't utterly terrible for me at the moment- so I do feel like- for now at least, I can hang on. I don't know how badly you feel.

I wonder if you could try and broach the subject with your friend. Maybe if you felt like you could put them on the road to getting out of their abusive relationship- or at least getting more help, you might feel like they were less reliant on you. I'm so sorry. It's such a tough position to be in. I wish you all the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound like such an complicated and difficult situation to be in, and it must be hard to deal with. But the way that I see it, no matter what ctb could never be wrong, it's a personal decision when to leave, and anyway we will all have to die and lose everything someday, it's the inevitable nature of this existence. Only you know what is best.

 

[nozomu]

Thank you everyone for the kind words. These feelings haven't gotten better and I keep crashing. I think my ability to hold on is really growing limited.

I hate this conflict of wanting to help other people and wanting to end my own suffering.