Would I rather live and suffer than hurting the ones I love and who love me?

[Iris Blue]

I'm having a breakdown right now because I really want to die, I've wanted to for so long and I'm so close. But I don't know if I want to hurt the people I love and who love me. I don't have a lot of them. But the thought of them in pain seems to destroy me more and I almost want to stay in this hell for them. I want to die if I could have it any other than suicide to make the idea easier for them then I'd take it. I hate being here but I don't want to hurt them so much. Why do I have to be like this? If I say anything they'll lock me away and I won't have the chance I am so close to having now. I am almost done with all my notes and have most if not all my supplies. You may think this is just me rethinking staying alive but it's really not it would be for them like it always has been. Why do I care so much I've been numb for so long and now it seems like it's an overwhelming switch in everything.

 

[Anhaedra]

This is a very personal and non-reversible choice that I dont think anyone here will help you. Though you have to understand that once youre dead, thats it. You wont be here to see your parents' grief. So in away you dont get to experience it. In the end, the choice is yours.