Venting worse than i thought

[iftheworldwasending]

tonight was a hard one. i hate thinking i'm doing better than i actually am.

tonight a guy i've been seeing gave me a compliment and i deflected it and he basically told me how constantly doing that affects him, how he feels, etc. and it knocked me down about 20 notches. i thought i was doing better with my trauma, but that really showed me that i have so much to work on. he was absolutely right and valid and communicated so calmly and i got so livid, and that's the part that hurts. it's embarrassing to know that you have so much work to do and so much room to grow before you're complete again, because of something my father took from me when i was a baby. my innocence, my ability to be loved, my confidence, it just all hurts now.

xx

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You're dealing with a lot. You're trying. It's not easy. It must be hard for this guy, too, but maybe you could try to work on things together.
I'm sorry if I'm not being very helpful…..

 

[wizzlefox]

tonight was a hard one. i hate thinking i'm doing better than i actually am.

tonight a guy i've been seeing gave me a compliment and i deflected it and he basically told me how constantly doing that affects him, how he feels, etc. and it knocked me down about 20 notches. i thought i was doing better with my trauma, but that really showed me that i have so much to work on. he was absolutely right and valid and communicated so calmly and i got so livid, and that's the part that hurts. it's embarrassing to know that you have so much work to do and so much room to grow before you're complete again, because of something my father took from me when i was a baby. my innocence, my ability to be loved, my confidence, it just all hurts now.

xx

Please don't feel embarrassed that you have to work on healing such an horrific trauma. You have shown such strength already to reach this point in your life. I can't begin to fathom what you've been through and are still experiencing. I hope that you are getting help to process what happened (?)
The guy you're seeing sounds like he cares for you. Go steady tho. I'm always wary of leaning to much on anyone in fear that it'll freak them out and then having to deal with abandonment feelings. I hope you're 'ok'. Sending you big hugs x

 

[iftheworldwasending]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You're dealing with a lot. You're trying. It's not easy. It must be hard for this guy, too, but maybe you could try to work on things together.
I'm sorry if I'm not being very helpful…..

of course you're being helpful, my love. thank you so much for responding, this made me smile. i am trying, sometimes i need to be reminded of that. thank you.

Please don't feel embarrassed that you have to work on healing such an horrific trauma. You have shown such strength already to reach this point in your life. I can't begin to fathom what you've been through and are still experiencing. I hope that you are getting help to process what happened (?)
The guy you're seeing sounds like he cares for you. Go steady tho. I'm always wary of leaning to much on anyone in fear that it'll freak them out and then having to deal with abandonment feelings. I hope you're 'ok'. Sending you big hugs x

thank you so fucking much. sometimes i forget how good it feels to be seen and told that i am strong for what i've gone through. i tried therapy for years and never got anything out of it, another reason i think it might be so difficult but i don't know. and yes, that's exactly how i feel. he's not ready for anything serious and my borderline loves to fall in love easily, so i'm trying to go slow and just relax. thank you so much again for this comment. it means so much. <3

 

[Judah]

If you feel that you are bad in social relationships, try to find a way to make it not affect you, perhaps by appealing to the sympathy of that person, a mistake can help correct things about ourselves

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I wish therapy wasn't such a waste for you as it turned out to be. Maybe you had the wrong therapists? Sometimes it's really hard to find the right one for yourself.
If you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here

 

[iftheworldwasending]

I wish therapy wasn't such a waste for you as it turned out to be. Maybe you had the wrong therapists? Sometimes it's really hard to find the right one for yourself.
If you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here

yeah, it can be super difficult to find a good one. i think i find myself always telling my therapists what they want to hear as well. it can be hard to get anywhere when it's hard to even be honest to myself. and thank you so much <3

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

yeah, it can be super difficult to find a good one. i think i find myself always telling my therapists what they want to hear as well. it can be hard to get anywhere when it's hard to even be honest to myself. and thank you so much <3

You're very welcome.
And I know what you mean. When you can't even admit things to yourself, it's impossible to talk about them to anyone else. And you're right. It's part of the problem. No therapist can start helping you in any way, if they don't know what you think and feel.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering, it sounds like you have been through a lot. I can imagine it must be painful to experience that kind of feeling. I agree with what the others say. I wish you well.

 

[iftheworldwasending]

I'm sorry you are suffering, it sounds like you have been through a lot. I can imagine it must be painful to experience that kind of feeling. I agree with what the others say. I wish you well.

thank you so much. i deeply appreciate the support this site provides me. ironically enough, it keeps me alive.