worried that sn won't come and i'll be stuck here

[eggsausagerice]

dsl this dsl that blablablabla. i do get sick of talking about it myself. i don't know any alternative sources (that i can afford), so i feel kind of fried. i know looking at the status won't really help but i'd definitely feel a lot better about my life if the tracking status updated sometime this week. i'm just kind of tired of thinking and talking about sn and suicide in general because i've been contemplating it for so long. i think that if it comes then the method would be for me, because every other method seems inaccessible or harder to do when i don't have a car or a big budget. i've thought about doing worse things like drinking bleach or isopropyl alcohol during the summer and i'm glad i didn't, because i probably would've fucked myself up and put my family on high alert compared to them thinking i'm normal after getting released from the hospital in june. i don't want to shell out money on another source if dsl doesn't arrive, but i guess what i'm most likely to do because i see sn as the easiest method willpower-wise. i have been distracting myself and trying to do things in between me stressing out about the shipping status, but i just feel worn out that i can't even tell anybody that i'm prepping for my suicide besides other sasu people. this is the only place i can actually talk about it, but going on here on daily is really depressing. i'm afraid of waking up one day and it's already april. i feel like a coward for still being here and making posts when nothing i say even matters. i'm tired of talking about sn. it's literally just a salt.

 

[anomic]

I understand that feeling of isolation when you can't talk about your plan to other people. I am actually quite infrequent on this site due to how depressing it can sometimes be. I mean if you ever need to talk to someone my dms are always open!! (i know you stated you wouldnt however) I very highly discourage any non-methods such as bleach, cutting, rubbing alcohol, etc. I hope you get to feeling better soon and hopefully the odds turn in your favor and you get something useful to help guide you to peace.

 

[ShadowedChaos]

What you say does matter and hopefully it'll arrive soon for you. Coming here each day is kind of ritual for me too I guess it is kind of depressing to only have this place to talk about everything when people in your real life are completely unaware it's a lot of weight just to sit and know you can't say anything but also wanting to I hope your peace comes and hope your days don't at least drag on so long. Sorry that your in this hell hole of life but you can always take a break if needed let your thoughts recuperate and always post again later. I've been on here daily a lot recently so I understand the appeal and I'm glad you were smart enough to not attempt those methods I know some dumb people who did and also myself when I was a very dysregulated teenager it's not worth it and it probably wont even kill you stay safe for now.