Story Work - don't know whether I'll have to leave it again...

[LittleJem]

Broke down in tears on Friday at work with everyone telling me to go to A&E/go back to doctors. I'd been bedridden and off work for six months. I went back, as I was feeling better (for my standard two weeks, but the last chance to go back) and now I don't know if I can keep working.

For me now it's a) be bedridden and do nothing or b) go to work - and there is nothing really in between.

I am trying to stick myself together for tomorrow with stimulants and anti-depressants, but not sure it's going to work. If it doesn't, it is game over. Another nail in the coffin of having any kind of life.

I thikn I'm just venting - I guess I can't help it if I cannot get out of bed tomorrow. I guess there is nothing I can do. I might just have to accept this. I don't really want to accept this - everythnig in my life is over and I want it all over.

 

[Midnight]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. What caused you to be bedridden? Is it because of physical issue's? If so i don't see how anyone can blame you because you are obviously trying your best to work.

I wish you good luck should you still decide to go to work today.

 

[LittleJem]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. What caused you to be bedridden? Is it because of physical issue's? If so i don't see how anyone can blame you because you are obviously trying your best to work.

I wish you good luck should you still decide to go to work today.

Thank you. It's (just) depression. Am going to try drugging myself out of bed tomorrow. While also now resigning myself that I might not be able to. I have Modafinil so that is my best hope of getting up. Thank you for your kind words and good wishes

 

[Lost4toolong]

Dont tell yourself u cant. And dont tell yourself its okay if you dont. Say you will. And do it. Now dont get me wrong. Thats just positive reinforcement i know very well it isnt easy. I mean shit i just quit my job two weeks ago. Gave up. Just try to keep your mind positive but if all fails, dont be too hard on yourself mate

 

[LittleJem]

Thank you. Am drugged to eyeballs: Modafinil to get out of bed. Plus meds. Worried I will get if they ask me how I am. Wish they wouldn't ask.

 

[Jean4]

Broke down in tears on Friday at work with everyone telling me to go to A&E/go back to doctors. I'd been bedridden and off work for six months. I went back, as I was feeling better (for my standard two weeks, but the last chance to go back) and now I don't know if I can keep working.

For me now it's a) be bedridden and do nothing or b) go to work - and there is nothing really in between.

I am trying to stick myself together for tomorrow with stimulants and anti-depressants, but not sure it's going to work. If it doesn't, it is game over. Another nail in the coffin of having any kind of life.

I thikn I'm just venting - I guess I can't help it if I cannot get out of bed tomorrow. I guess there is nothing I can do. I might just have to accept this. I don't really want to accept this - everythnig in my life is over and I want it all over.

Are there any jobs you can do from your house? I telecommuted for years.

 

[Sensei]

Something must have triggered your tears at work. Can you figure out what and how to avoid it?

 

[LittleJem]

Something must have triggered your tears at work. Can you figure out what and how to avoid it?

It's just the depression and suicidal thoughts. And then someone asked me how I am! I wanted a few weeks to decide for myself if I can work, or if it is back to being bedridden. It is, unfortunately, one or the other. Am trying to drug myself to keep working....but also finally writing my will and planning a "year of goodbye" to see if I can endure this torture for one more year, so everyone knows I tried.

 

[Thanatos]

It's just the depression and suicidal thoughts. And then someone asked me how I am! I wanted a few weeks to decide for myself if I can work, or if it is back to being bedridden. It is, unfortunately, one or the other. Am trying to drug myself to keep working....but also finally writing my will and planning a "year of goodbye" to see if I can endure this torture for one more year, so everyone knows I tried.

I empathize with you. Not encouraging at all but why is one more year significant?

 

[Sensei]

It's just the depression and suicidal thoughts. And then someone asked me how I am! I wanted a few weeks to decide for myself if I can work, or if it is back to being bedridden. It is, unfortunately, one or the other. Am trying to drug myself to keep working....but also finally writing my will and planning a "year of goodbye" to see if I can endure this torture for one more year, so everyone knows I tried.

Then the trigger must be questions about how you are. Is it possible to avoid your colleagues and thus also questions? If not, is it possible to distract yourself when you get a question about how you are? Maybe to focus on your physical health instead and say, "I'm alright."

 

[randomz]

Broke down in tears on Friday at work with everyone telling me to go to A&E/go back to doctors. I'd been bedridden and off work for six months. I went back, as I was feeling better (for my standard two weeks, but the last chance to go back) and now I don't know if I can keep working.

For me now it's a) be bedridden and do nothing or b) go to work - and there is nothing really in between.

I am trying to stick myself together for tomorrow with stimulants and anti-depressants, but not sure it's going to work. If it doesn't, it is game over. Another nail in the coffin of having any kind of life.

I thikn I'm just venting - I guess I can't help it if I cannot get out of bed tomorrow. I guess there is nothing I can do. I might just have to accept this. I don't really want to accept this - everythnig in my life is over and I want it all over.

I know how you feel. I have terrible anxiety and depression and a big part of my problems come from my work, and I have to go there every day, can't afford and allow myself to give it up (at least for now), and I know the hell you are going through. Meds kinda work for me but I think I wil have to increase the dosage. My best advice for you is to give your best to stop giving a shit about your work and other people - when I manage to force myself into thinking that I always feel at least a bit better.

 

[LittleJem]

Thanks everyone - I dosed myself with a lot of different things this AM. The morning was ropey and everyone was asking if I was okay and trying to stage an intervention! So I said, thank you so much, and I really just want to be at work today and get my work done. Thank goodness I didn't cry, and then by the afternoon - maybe 4pm, my mood picked up (thanks to the meds) and from then, I felt oddly high but okay. Thank you all for your support - it's so rough. We are warriors!!!

 

[Midnight]

Thanks everyone - I dosed myself with a lot of different things this AM. The morning was ropey and everyone was asking if I was okay and trying to stage an intervention! So I said, thank you so much, and I really just want to be at work today and get my work done. Thank goodness I didn't cry, and then by the afternoon - maybe 4pm, my mood picked up (thanks to the meds) and from then, I felt oddly high but okay. Thank you all for your support - it's so rough. We are warriors!!!

Glad to hear you managed! Proud of you. Hopefully it will continue to go better a bit each day. Best wishes

 

[LittleJem]

Glad to hear you managed! Proud of you. Hopefully it will continue to go better a bit each day. Best wishes

Thank you, means a lot

 

[Jean4]

How was today?

 

[Final Escape]

Thank you. Am drugged to eyeballs: Modafinil to get out of bed. Plus meds. Worried I will get if they ask me how I am. Wish they wouldn't ask.

I just tried modafinil today, I ordered it from the anabolic store. It's not bad.