I am 60 years old. I have a mild heart condition (afib with tia) and severly limited vision due to cataracts. I've had to give up my last few jobs because of the health issues. I have been out of work since January. I'm out of money and resources. Every place I call either turns me down or tells me to call someplace else. Adult Protective Services has been notified several times...and they don't help. In August I attempted to take my life, but I backed out, thinking about my beloved cat. And of course I got stuffed into the hospital against my will because psychiatry and mental health is nothing but a damn police state.
Last Friday I went for the first pre-surgery visit for my eyes. The next appoint, the best they can do...is in December. I will have been evicted by that time. As it is, my utilities, unless I can find an agency or charity to help, will be cut off next week. Where I am at, if the utilities get cut it's eviction.
I feel like a convict on death row. I don't want to die. I don't want to abandon my cat -- but I can't even get a shelter or rescure to call or email back. I had an appointment with a therapist last week, whose trying to find resources...but I don't he's having any luck either.
We cannot have an honest coversation about suicide in this country. (USA). It's always "mental illness this" mental illness that...pills and therapy, and police state tactics of cops coming in the house, no warrant, being pushed to the ground, handcuffed then taken out like a criminal. I was not even allowed to put on a pair of shoes. No REAL help. I've gone since January and now I'm out of funds completely.
I won't make it on the street. Everything is a blur unless it is a foot from my nose. Even then it's difficult. From the psych hospitlization, I got another prescription for my heart medication, but that is going to run out.
I'm not going to make it at all. I have to die. I won't make it homeless, I have no street smarts or skills and I live in area where the crime rate is higher than the average in the USA. I don't want to be beaten to death, robbed, or be subject to violence, I've had enough of that in my life. What hurts to the core is that so many people, social workers, counselors, agency people and so forth know what I am epxeriencing and won't lift a finger to help despite being the very organizations and people that I was told to go to. I don't understand what I did wrong. But whatever it is, they certainly don't care that I am going to lose everything I own, and the only thing that I love that loves me back, my cat. I know I can't go through all that loss.
I am 60. A brother died at 52, my mom at 60, my dad and sister at 71. I would have had maybe 10-15 years left. I don't even think I'm going to make it to the end of the month. And I can't do a thing to change it. I didn't want my life to end this way, but I don't feel I have a choice.
Thank you for giving me the space to say these things. There's no other place where I can and not be handcuffed and locked in a psychiatric jail as if I'm some kind of criminal political dissident.
Last Friday I went for the first pre-surgery visit for my eyes. The next appoint, the best they can do...is in December. I will have been evicted by that time. As it is, my utilities, unless I can find an agency or charity to help, will be cut off next week. Where I am at, if the utilities get cut it's eviction.
I feel like a convict on death row. I don't want to die. I don't want to abandon my cat -- but I can't even get a shelter or rescure to call or email back. I had an appointment with a therapist last week, whose trying to find resources...but I don't he's having any luck either.
We cannot have an honest coversation about suicide in this country. (USA). It's always "mental illness this" mental illness that...pills and therapy, and police state tactics of cops coming in the house, no warrant, being pushed to the ground, handcuffed then taken out like a criminal. I was not even allowed to put on a pair of shoes. No REAL help. I've gone since January and now I'm out of funds completely.
I won't make it on the street. Everything is a blur unless it is a foot from my nose. Even then it's difficult. From the psych hospitlization, I got another prescription for my heart medication, but that is going to run out.
I'm not going to make it at all. I have to die. I won't make it homeless, I have no street smarts or skills and I live in area where the crime rate is higher than the average in the USA. I don't want to be beaten to death, robbed, or be subject to violence, I've had enough of that in my life. What hurts to the core is that so many people, social workers, counselors, agency people and so forth know what I am epxeriencing and won't lift a finger to help despite being the very organizations and people that I was told to go to. I don't understand what I did wrong. But whatever it is, they certainly don't care that I am going to lose everything I own, and the only thing that I love that loves me back, my cat. I know I can't go through all that loss.
I am 60. A brother died at 52, my mom at 60, my dad and sister at 71. I would have had maybe 10-15 years left. I don't even think I'm going to make it to the end of the month. And I can't do a thing to change it. I didn't want my life to end this way, but I don't feel I have a choice.
Thank you for giving me the space to say these things. There's no other place where I can and not be handcuffed and locked in a psychiatric jail as if I'm some kind of criminal political dissident.
