rainwillneverstop

rainwillneverstop

Global Mod | Serious Health Hazard
Jul 12, 2022
295
This is a Megathread where women can share their experiences, vent, connect with others in a similar situation, and give/receive support. This space is dedicated to fostering a safe and understanding environment for all women, including trans women and non-binary women.

You can post as often or as infrequently as you like. Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

Given the nature of the thread, we kindly ask that only women participate in this thread.
 
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Ash

Ash

What dreams may come?
Oct 4, 2021
1,758
Thanks for setting this up ♥️
 
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astr4

astr4

memento mori
Mar 27, 2019
431
thank u kindly mods y'all are babes ❣️
 
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Ash

Ash

What dreams may come?
Oct 4, 2021
1,758
Ok, here's something to ask you all to get us started.

While I dither between suicide and recovery, I'm going to get my ears repierced. Only 7 holes. Eek. I've picked out 5 studs already for when they're healed to represent my politics, sexuality, support for various issues e.g. the environment, anti-racism, but can't think of a symbol to represent my feminist beliefs. I was thinking the Venus symbol, but I've got that as a tattoo... Just wondering if there are any other ideas? I'm not at all feminine (or young!) but want something relevant and not old fashioned.

Any thoughts?
 
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astr4

astr4

memento mori
Mar 27, 2019
431
Ok, here's something to ask you all to get us started.

While I dither between suicide and recovery, I'm going to get my ears repierced. Only 7 holes. Eek. I've picked out 5 studs already for when they're healed to represent my politics, sexuality, support for various issues e.g. the environment, anti-racism, but can't think of a symbol to represent my feminist beliefs. I was thinking the Venus symbol, but I've got that as a tattoo... Just wondering if there are any other ideas? I'm not at all feminine (or young!) but want something relevant and not old fashioned.

Any thoughts?
ooh are they all lobes? what's the mapping looking like hehe i love earrings

first idea that came to my mind was the triple moon symbol yk the maiden mother crone one
 
Ash

Ash

What dreams may come?
Oct 4, 2021
1,758
ooh are they all lobes? what's the mapping looking like hehe i love earrings

first idea that came to my mind was the triple moon symbol yk the maiden mother crone one
Yeah, just the lobes. I have stupid ear wax problems. Can't get away with any of the inner ear bits being pierced. Got the very top done on the right side. That's going to have an inverted black triangle to commemorate the "anti social" victims of the Holocaust. At some point I want to get the rest of the lobe filled in but when depends on how my ear is feeling after the initial assault! Might get my eyebrow done too once I run out of ear space. Nothing else though.

I did see a triple moon one on Etsy but didn't make the connection with the maiden, mother, crone. Mind you, the former was a long time ago, the middle will never happen and who knows about the latter 🤷
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
9,216
Thanks @rainwillneverstop . I'd like to draw on the experience of our middle aged + members please...

What's the menopause like? Is it worse than having periods? Does it mess with your mood the same or worse? When did it start for you? How long did it last? I'm 44... I'm guessing it's looming on the horizon for me.
 
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C

ConfusedClouds

Experienced
Mar 9, 2024
297
I'd like to draw on the experience of our middle aged + members please...

What's the menopause like? Is it worse than having periods? Does it mess with your mood the same or worse? When did it start for you? How long did it last?
+1 for this, thanks for bringing this up - my questions about experiences here are around whether there is typically a 'sudden' definitive, noticable type of 'change' or does it creep up? Generally am all over the place/inconsistent anyway. And also appreciate that 'everyone is different' so maybe this is an irrelevant question.
 
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Ash

Ash

What dreams may come?
Oct 4, 2021
1,758
Thanks @rainwillneverstop . I'd like to draw on the experience of our middle aged + members please...

What's the menopause like? Is it worse than having periods? Does it mess with your mood the same or worse? When did it start for you? How long did it last? I'm 44... I'm guessing it's looming on the horizon for me.
Not there yet, thankfully, but I have been to the menopause clinic at my GP surgery and the nurse was superb. She talked me through the bewildering array of options about HRT and symptoms (bit complicated in my case as I've had a hysterectomy). If your surgery offers one, I definitely recommend going in before you need to.
 
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rainwillneverstop

rainwillneverstop

Global Mod | Serious Health Hazard
Jul 12, 2022
295
Thanks @rainwillneverstop . I'd like to draw on the experience of our middle aged + members please...

What's the menopause like? Is it worse than having periods? Does it mess with your mood the same or worse? When did it start for you? How long did it last? I'm 44... I'm guessing it's looming on the horizon for me.

You're welcome!
I'll do a quick posting exception just to respond to this, because I think everyone should know that the main voice for getting this forum thread made is Dot.
She's the brain and power so credits to her, I'm just the one who can write "normally."

Don't mean to derail the convo at all so please don't respond to this, just wanted to make this clear because she rly does a lot for sasu and is often not credited enough.
 
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Ash

Ash

What dreams may come?
Oct 4, 2021
1,758
You're welcome!
I'll do a quick posting exception just to respond to this, because I think everyone should know that the main voice for getting this forum thread made is Dot.
She's the brain and power so credits to her, I'm just the one who can write "normally."

Don't mean to derail the convo at all so please don't respond to this, just wanted to make this clear because she rly does a lot for sasu and is often not credited enough.
THANKS DOT ♥️♥️♥️
 
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ferrie

ferrie

she/they
May 19, 2024
513
Thank you @Dot 💕💕💕
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
9,216
You're welcome!
I'll do a quick posting exception just to respond to this, because I think everyone should know that the main voice for getting this forum thread made is Dot.
She's the brain and power so credits to her, I'm just the one who can write "normally."

Don't mean to derail the convo at all so please don't respond to this, just wanted to make this clear because she rly does a lot for sasu and is often not credited enough.

I love Dot. I always enjoy reading her posts. Thanks to you both for all you do.
 
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ferrie

ferrie

she/they
May 19, 2024
513
I do have a question as well. Has anyone else here had antipsychotics really mess with their menstrual cycle? I had really irregular, long, & painful cycles until I started birth control. The BC pill made me very I'll, but once I got off of it my cycles were the 15th of the months like clockwork, only lasted 3 days, and were very mild. I'm now on Seroquel & have had one period that came a few days late, was all old brown blood, lasted a week, and was pretty painful. This month I haven't had one at all yet, so it's over a week late. I usually start cramping like a week before my period too & that hasn't started either
 
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AmericanMary

AmericanMary

Mage
Apr 30, 2024
599
Thank you for setting this up, @Dot @rainwillneverstop! Soooo much appreciate to you & the other mods for this.
- - - - -

Hiii I'm Mary!! Leaving this week more than likely, but catch me living on this forum until then <3 always here for the girlys <3 I do not hate men, but I'm uncomfortable around 90% of men irl. Traumatized radfem<3
 
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Ash

Ash

What dreams may come?
Oct 4, 2021
1,758
I see we've been getting some unpleasantness (to put it mildly) already. Angela Merkel sized eye rolls at anyone trying to derail this positive space.
 
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RosebyAnyName

RosebyAnyName

Staring at the ceiling for 6 hours
Nov 9, 2023
193
I can't help but think that this thread was set up because people were sick of my posts, I guess I deserve it because my trauma is too controversial. Thank you for the thread nonetheless.

I need to vent: I was reading an old story recently. One of the female side characters was stolen from her parents as a baby by a fairy, then was adopted by a duke and dutchess. The protagonist revealed to her, on her birthday, that her real parents were peasants, and even invited them without telling her. She assuming this was meant to humiliate her, and because she got upset by this, she was promptly disowned by her foster parents and her real parents. And of course, she was villanized by the story and whatever trauma she might have had was never really addressed. She was always portrayed as receiving no sympathy from others (except the protagonists, a couple, who basically just led her on as their third wheel for some reason).

I related to her the most. I wish I could go anywhere or do anything without being reminded of what people really think about me, that everyone only sees me as some crazy woman who hates everything and deserves to be miserable and alone. It's hard to enjoy anything or to love myself.
 
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Ash

Ash

What dreams may come?
Oct 4, 2021
1,758
I can't help but think that this thread was set up because people were sick of my posts
It was set up because someone asked and a lot of us agreed. It wasn't about anyone being sick of anyone else's posts. We all want space to discuss the issues that matter to us.
 
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RosebyAnyName

RosebyAnyName

Staring at the ceiling for 6 hours
Nov 9, 2023
193
It was set up because someone asked and a lot of us agreed. It wasn't about anyone being sick of anyone else's posts. We all want space to discuss the issues that matter to us.
That actually makes me feel a lot better, thanks.
 
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ForgottenAgain

ForgottenAgain

On the rollercoaster of sadness
Oct 17, 2023
916
Thanks mods for setting this up ❤

Quite a personal topic maybe, but do people here do the cervix smear test? Every year I get a letter from the GP to do it and every time that happens I start crying, shaking and can feel myself going pale. They explain the procedure through images in the booklet that comes with the letter but I just can't do it. It looks so violent to me...

Is it that bad?

I can't fathom a stranger looking at my vagina and messing with it 😰
 
Raven2

Raven2

Specialist
Dec 1, 2022
347
Thanks mods for setting this up ❤

Quite a personal topic maybe, but do people here do the cervix smear test? Every year I get a letter from the GP to do it and every time that happens I start crying, shaking and can feel myself going pale. They explain the procedure through images in the booklet that comes with the letter but I just can't do it. It looks so violent to me...

Is it that bad?

I can't fathom a stranger looking at my vagina and messing with it 😰
Last had one done this year. It was absolutely fine, they use a tube, speculum I think it's called, covered in a lubricant, insert and then just take a swab of your cervix. It's literally over in a few minutes. No pain at all. Just a bit uncomfortable for me anyway.
 
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Dot

Dot

Info abt typng styl on prfle.
Sep 26, 2021
2,866
Thanks mods for setting this up ❤

Quite a personal topic maybe, but do people here do the cervix smear test? Every year I get a letter from the GP to do it and every time that happens I start crying, shaking and can feel myself going pale. They explain the procedure through images in the booklet that comes with the letter but I just can't do it. It looks so violent to me...

Is it that bad?

I can't fathom a stranger looking at my vagina and messing with it 😰

Slf hve hd multple CS tsts & thre = nothng violnt @ all

Thy cn b dne b/ femle nrse & = imprtnt t/ remmbr tht thy r only fcusd on ur helth & wll-bein

Slf wld nt dscrbe th/ procdre as painfl - th/ tst cn b slghtly uncmfrtble & thre cn b a feelng of a v mild 'scrtch' fr cple of secnds whn thy tke th/ smple tht thy nd bt ovrall th/ procdre = dne withn 5 mns & thn u knw tht u r b-ing screend in ordr t/ protct ur lng-trm helth whch = wht u dserve

Am sre tht nurss r usd 2 checkng womn wh/ r nervs & evn tht hve histry of abse s/ jst cmmunc8 wth thm whn u mke th/ appntmnt & thy wll b abl t/ offr u n.e accommdatns tht thy hve availble t/ mke u fl mre comfrtble
 
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Myforevercharlie

Myforevercharlie

Global Mod
Feb 13, 2020
3,052
Thanks @rainwillneverstop . I'd like to draw on the experience of our middle aged + members please...

What's the menopause like? Is it worse than having periods? Does it mess with your mood the same or worse? When did it start for you? How long did it last? I'm 44... I'm guessing it's looming on the horizon for me.
Started when I was 43. Still having horrible hot flashes and extreem mood swings. ( I'm 48 now)

According to my gp ( and mom) it can take a very long time to get back to ' normal'

The only real pro for me personally is that the cramps and bleeding each month are gone.
 
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Cinnamorolls

Cinnamorolls

Student
Apr 28, 2024
148
Traumatized radfem<3
Are you using a different definition of radfem than the usual one (coined by Dworkin et al)? Radfems are anti sex work, anti casual sex, anti performative femininity, and gender critical among other things, and you seem to be the opposite of all that in your posts. Just curious.
 
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AmericanMary

AmericanMary

Mage
Apr 30, 2024
599
Are you using a different definition of radfem than the usual one (coined by Dworkin et al)? Radfems are anti sex work, anti casual sex, anti performative femininity, and gender critical among other things, and you seem to be the opposite of all that in your posts. Just curious.
There are a few more modern & inclusive radfem communities started by predominantly transadvoacy women. Do a lot of the ideals of traditional radfem culture align? No. Absolutely not. Do some that we support? Yes. A lot of liberal fem values with a "abolish the patriarchy" mindset.
 
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E

Edistrying

Member
Jul 22, 2024
62
Hey. :) i'm new in the site, english it's not my first lenguage and I really dont wanna talk in this momentos but I see this thread and I wanna share that i find (-in the way that everbody write) a warm people. . Paz y amor para todos. U can always talk to me. I'm 29. i got depressed for the 4 time.
Thank you all.
 
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Ash

Ash

What dreams may come?
Oct 4, 2021
1,758
Thanks mods for setting this up ❤

Quite a personal topic maybe, but do people here do the cervix smear test? Every year I get a letter from the GP to do it and every time that happens I start crying, shaking and can feel myself going pale. They explain the procedure through images in the booklet that comes with the letter but I just can't do it. It looks so violent to me...

Is it that bad?

I can't fathom a stranger looking at my vagina and messing with it 😰
Due to sexual violence, I never had a successful one until having a hysterectomy but that was on me, not the smear test itself. The nurses all knew my history and were absolutely amazing but I just couldn't relax except for once.... I was so tense that I, well, for want if a better description, I spat out the speculum (plastic, not metal). The nurse was so surprised she burst out laughing and was full of praise for my pelvic floor muscles so I started laughing too. We calmed down, then tried again but I started laughing at the crucial moment and, well, it happened again. 😂

We tried again the following month but my cervix was at the wrong angle (I didn't even know that was possible) and she didn't want to hurt me and then for various reasons that led to me having the hysterectomy, my cycle became so irregular we couldn't catch it at the right time.

But the process itself isn't violent.

There are some excellent gynaecologists on YouTube who do videos of exams (with their patients' consent) so you can see for yourself what it involves in real life rather than unhelpful illustrations.

My advice is to do your research, book an appointment to speak to the nurse who does the exams but just to talk, not to have it done (go when you're on your period if you need the defence).

Talk it through, touch the instruments, do the duck face thing with the speculum etc. Then book it for real and ask for a double appointment. If your don't like the nurse, all the receptionist to book another meet n greet style appointment with a different nurse and start again. You can take a friend who can go in with you or wait outside. Or you can ask for a chaperone. And you can tell them (not ask, tell) to stop at any point. You can pause and continue or end it altogether.

They are well aware of women's discomfort and embarrassment and horror at the invasive nature of the exam and will take it at your pace. My excellent nurse told me that she's seen it all (literally) and only cares if the woman has showered or at least washed recently. But when it's her turn, she panics about grooming and knicker lines and that pimple at the base of one of the hairs: they're all human.
 
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Whale_bones

Whale_bones

Experienced
Feb 11, 2020
253
We tried again the following month but my cervix was at the wrong angle (I didn't even know that was possible) and she didn't want to hurt me and then for various reasons that led to me having the hysterectomy, my cycle became so irregular we couldn't catch it at the right time.

My advice is to do your research, book an appointment to speak to the nurse who does the exams but just to talk, not to have it done (go when you're on your period if you need the defence).

That's awesome you have providers who take their time and make sure you're comfortable! I mean, yes, that should be the bare minimum, but it's great when you find them and know you can count on them!

I have my exam literally *tomorrow*. Where I live they're very persistent about exams, you can't be seeing a primary care doctor and just not get them. They ask you over and over… so I avoided it for as long as I could since I know it'll trigger the hell out of me, I don't have sex now nor will I ever have a baby again, and realistically I don't care about a very minute possibility of cervical cancer when I have existing severe health problems and don't plan to live that long :I

Oh and, being on your period isn't an excuse where I am either!! They tell you it doesn't make a difference! Lol.
 
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Ash

Ash

What dreams may come?
Oct 4, 2021
1,758
That's awesome you have providers who take their time and make sure you're comfortable! I mean, yes, that should be the bare minimum, but it's great when you find them and know you can count on them!

I have my exam literally *tomorrow*. Where I live they're very persistent about exams, you can't be seeing a primary care doctor and just not get them. They ask you over and over… so I avoided it for as long as I could since I know it'll trigger the hell out of me, I don't have sex now nor will I ever have a baby again, and realistically I don't care about a very minute possibility of cervical cancer when I have existing severe health problems and don't plan to live that long :I

Oh and, being on your period isn't an excuse where I am either!! They tell you it doesn't make a difference! Lol.
What? I thought it was all about how the cervix is positioned? Which is why they prefer to do it mid-cycle? Urgh.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. So sorry you've got crappy health care providers. I'm around most of the day if you need to vent or need an online shoulder.

My first coherent words* after the hysterectomy were "did they take the cervix?" as if they'd forgotten they were putting me back under and taking out!

* Before that they had to stop me getting out of bed, catheter, IV and all, and taking the dog for a walk, though for ages all I could say was "dough wahhh" and they called the anaesthetist to see if she thought I was having a typical reaction 🤪😂
 
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Whale_bones

Whale_bones

Experienced
Feb 11, 2020
253
What? I thought it was all about how the cervix is positioned? Which is why they prefer to do it mid-cycle? Urgh.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. So sorry you've got crappy health care providers. I'm around most of the day if you need to vent or need an online shoulder.

My first coherent words* after the hysterectomy were "did they take the cervix?" as if they'd forgotten they were putting me back under and taking out!

* Before that they had to stop me getting out of bed, catheter, IV and all, and taking the dog for a walk, though for ages all I could say was "dough wahhh" and they called the anaesthetist to see if she thought I was having a typical reaction 🤪😂

I had never been told that about the cervix :O I'm wondering if it's standard practice in a lot of places other than the US, since various non-American reputable organizations recommend it be done mid-cycle. I've never even had it mentioned to me that there's an ideal time to aim for!

Thank you so much for offering an online shoulder :happy: It made me feel more calm and confident going in. And it turned out the specific doctor I have doesn't do it if you're on your period, so ironically enough, I *did* get to use that as an excuse this time! Now I'm wondering if it's a little odd that doctors in the past had me do it when I was on my period…

I'm imagining your super-well-taken-care-of doggo, that even after major surgery your mind was focused on making sure he/she got their walk! And the phrase "dough wahhh" is just too funny, because you spelled it exactly like I picture someone post-anesthesia would say it :))
 
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