Discussion Witnessing a suicide

[l1ablemistakes]

I just wanted to post because I feel like I have a unique perspective on this topic. As I've mentioned a couple times, I work in healthcare, and an unfortunately common patient presentation I see is suicide attempts. I've been involved with the care of a couple patients who have come close or have actually passed, and I wanted to share what that experience is like.

You might think family and friends are the only people who will be traumatised by your death. I'm here to tell you that's wrong.

Healthcare is an inherently traumatising job and I will never blame my patients for the ways treating them affects me. But I also want to be transparent and say that witnessing suicide attempts and successful suicides, especially as someone with mental health issues, is highly disturbing. Healthcare workers are people too. I can only imagine how exponentially harder paramedicine must be.

Last year, I treated a patient my own age who hanged himself and was found too soon. The family performed CPR and the patient was brought into ED intubated and ventilated, with multiple brain haemorrhages and skull fractures. GCS 3. I saw this patient and their family every day for a week in ICU, after a craniotomy (removal of skull bones) was performed. I spoke to this patient about what I was doing even though I knew they couldn't hear or understand me. They tried to open their eyes anyway. The family kept them alive for four months before pulling the plug.

I've witnessed several other attempts and successful suicides but that one sticks with me. Self-immolation, self inflicted stab wounds, jumping off buildings, overdoses, ingesting batteries, intentional car crashes… I've probably seen it all. I'm here to tell you that even though I have seen it all, that doesn't mean I can forget it. Don't discount how disturbing your death will be to the people who find and potentially treat you.

I just want to emphasise that again I do not blame any of these patients at all. Just like I'd never blame a cancer patient for the emotions treating them causes me. I just wanted to share because I feel like it's a common sentiment that healthcare workers won't be affected by what they see. We can and do. We care about our patients. And some of us see ourselves in our patients too.

 

[aufrechtm7]

I will never forget the first time I saw a lifeless corpse. Tried to administer CPR to a motorcyclist after they crashed and it was already too late. Didn't even know their name until a memorial was created on the street some time after.

 

[behindtheveil]

A special thanks to the kind of service you are providing to humanity. I have deep respect for the kind of work you do and the heartwarming efforts you put in. In someways you are the true soldiers who do their work whether or not the outcome is favorable or else. Take care of yourself and lots of blessings.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

I will never forget the first time I saw a lifeless corpse. Tried to administer CPR to a motorcyclist after they crashed and it was already too late. Didn't even know their name until a memorial was created on the street some time after.

I've never had to perform CPR and I hope I never do. Massive respect for you for trying to help a stranger. I wish you all the best in healing from that, I can't imagine how deeply that must have scarred. Sending love <3

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I fail to see how this posting helps anyone. If anything, it only sears the already existing burden of guilt more deeply into the psyche of those wrestling with suicidal ideology. And I may be wrong, but it seems to have an underlying "tone" to it, even anti-choice to a degree, that anyone considering suicide should not see it to fruition, since it will have an effect on everyone else, including family, friends, and even healthcare workers. Well, dah. It entirely smacks down and doesn't even consider the idea of one's autonomy over their life and attempts to delegate the decision of taking one's life to others, with regard to how others will feel. What about how the suicidal person feels? I don't think this post is the least bit helpful at all. I hope the OP's discipline in healthcare isn't in the psychiatric arena. Guilt shaming should never be a tactic. That's how I feel. Sorry if it's too blunt for you. Now let the haters hate. I won't be responding further.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

I just wanted to post because I feel like I have a unique perspective on this topic. As I've mentioned a couple times, I work in healthcare, and an unfortunately common patient presentation I see is suicide attempts. I've been involved with the care of a couple patients who have come close or have actually passed, and I wanted to share what that experience is like.

You might think family and friends are the only people who will be traumatised by your death. I'm here to tell you that's wrong.

Healthcare is an inherently traumatising job and I will never blame my patients for the ways treating them affects me. But I also want to be transparent and say that witnessing suicide attempts and successful suicides, especially as someone with mental health issues, is highly disturbing. Healthcare workers are people too. I can only imagine how exponentially harder paramedicine must be.

Last year, I treated a patient my own age who hanged himself and was found too soon. The family performed CPR and the patient was brought into ED intubated and ventilated, with multiple brain haemorrhages and skull fractures. GCS 3. I saw this patient and their family every day for a week in ICU, after a craniotomy (removal of skull bones) was performed. I spoke to this patient about what I was doing even though I knew they couldn't hear or understand me. They tried to open their eyes anyway. The family kept them alive for four months before pulling the plug.

I've witnessed several other attempts and successful suicides but that one sticks with me. Self-immolation, self inflicted stab wounds, jumping off buildings, overdoses, ingesting batteries, intentional car crashes… I've probably seen it all. I'm here to tell you that even though I have seen it all, that doesn't mean I can forget it. Don't discount how disturbing your death will be to the people who find and potentially treat you.

I just want to emphasise that again I do not blame any of these patients at all. Just like I'd never blame a cancer patient for the emotions treating them causes me. I just wanted to share because I feel like it's a common sentiment that healthcare workers won't be affected by what they see. We can and do. We care about our patients. And some of us see ourselves in our patients too.

Are you anti-suicide?

 

[l1ablemistakes]

Are you anti-suicide?

Nope. Probably gonna commit later this year.
I

I fail to see how this posting helps anyone. If anything, it only sears the already existing burden of guilt more deeply into the psyche of those wrestling with suicidal ideology. And I may be wrong, but it seems to have an underlying "tone" to it, even anti-choice to a degree, that anyone considering suicide should not see it to fruition, since it will have an effect on everyone else, including family, friends, and even healthcare workers. Well, dah. It entirely smacks down and doesn't even consider the idea of one's autonomy over their life and attempts to delegate the decision of taking one's life to others, with regard to how others will feel. What about how the suicidal person feels? I don't think this post is the least bit helpful at all. I hope the OP's discipline in healthcare isn't in the psychiatric arena. Guilt shaming should never be a tactic. That's how I feel. Sorry if it's too blunt for you. Now let the haters hate. I won't be responding further.

If you look at my other posts I feel like you'll understand my position further. I'm not anti choice, but I feel like a lot of people have to delude themselves to come to this decision. The guilt is real and something you should consider before taking your life. I think a lot of people intentionally ignore the trauma they will cause to make the choice easier, which makes sense when you're already suffering so much mentally, but doesnt help with making a rational informed choice. I've got my own plans and strategies to minimise the trauma I cause. Not trying to guilt anyone or blame patients as I said multiple times. Just wanted to give another perspective to people who think first responders and healthcare workers don't care or aren't affected. Feel free to ignore.