I just wish it was easier.
I know I have to end it. I know it's the best thing for me. But still I find it so hard to actually do it. I've been trying for 4 months now and I still don't feel ready to do it. It has gotten better and I have gotten "more" ready but I still don't feel capable of going through with it. I'm still scared and there's still things I struggle to say goodbye to.
How do you say goodbye to sunsets and pizza? To the summer sun? To beautiful literature and TV? How do you say goodbye to yourself and everything you are? How do I say goodbye to my memories? That's the hardest one for me. I want to remember those few good times I had.
The one thing I do feel is that I want the last thing I see to be a picture of her. And I want the last thing I hear to be her voice.
But beyond that it's still hard. I still don't feel ready and I don't know how to get there.
I know I have to end it. I know it's the best thing for me. But still I find it so hard to actually do it. I've been trying for 4 months now and I still don't feel ready to do it. It has gotten better and I have gotten "more" ready but I still don't feel capable of going through with it. I'm still scared and there's still things I struggle to say goodbye to.
How do you say goodbye to sunsets and pizza? To the summer sun? To beautiful literature and TV? How do you say goodbye to yourself and everything you are? How do I say goodbye to my memories? That's the hardest one for me. I want to remember those few good times I had.
The one thing I do feel is that I want the last thing I see to be a picture of her. And I want the last thing I hear to be her voice.
But beyond that it's still hard. I still don't feel ready and I don't know how to get there.
