followingfate
Member
- Dec 26, 2020
- 39
I don't understand why I'm so miserable. I'm in a physically good place right now. I have a partner that I live with, even if I'm not very happy with the relationship. I have pets that I've wanted, I have tons of plants that make me happy, I have the time to even work on hobbies. yet every night at work, every spare minute to myself is spent thinking of how much I want to die.
I chose to run away from home to live with my partner, and I do not regret that decision in the slightest. but my other choice was going to be to CTB, and honestly, I wish I had done that instead. I would've saved everyone a lot of time, stress, money, and so on. I'm just selfish. I made everyone suffer just to end up back where I was; miserable.
I just wish I had the courage now. I have SN again. I even have a plan in place. I just don't have the courage. but I'm so sad...
the years and years of sadness weigh on my soul and my past traumas replay in my mind everyday. I'm just so, unbelievably tired.
I chose to run away from home to live with my partner, and I do not regret that decision in the slightest. but my other choice was going to be to CTB, and honestly, I wish I had done that instead. I would've saved everyone a lot of time, stress, money, and so on. I'm just selfish. I made everyone suffer just to end up back where I was; miserable.
I just wish I had the courage now. I have SN again. I even have a plan in place. I just don't have the courage. but I'm so sad...
the years and years of sadness weigh on my soul and my past traumas replay in my mind everyday. I'm just so, unbelievably tired.