Venting wish i could discuss ctb details

[angele]

First post! This site has been a godsend lately. Thank you all for existing.

I've been finally thinking about the details and logistics of my ctb (1,4B within a couple months) and am finding it extremely disappointing to realize that I can't discuss it with anyone. I feel so much more optimistic and free now that I have a relative plan in place, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I can't celebrate these feelings or discuss details with anyone for fear of my plans being intercepted.

Does anyone else feel this frustration? I wish more people would respect my choice to end my life. I don't blame my friends for wanting me alive, but they just don't get it.

 

[BPD_LE]

You can discuss details here

 

[MeltingHeart]

First post! This site has been a godsend lately. Thank you all for existing.

I've been finally thinking about the details and logistics of my ctb (1,4B within a couple months) and am finding it extremely disappointing to realize that I can't discuss it with anyone. I feel so much more optimistic and free now that I have a relative plan in place, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I can't celebrate these feelings or discuss details with anyone for fear of my plans being intercepted.

Does anyone else feel this frustration? I wish more people would respect my choice to end my life. I don't blame my friends for wanting me alive, but they just don't get it.

whats 1,4B?-I agree! Its a shame as I have had to cut friends off entirely rather than be able to hang out with them a few more times, I have also had to suffer strong & sustained verbal abuse & character assassination- from the people that are meant to care-which is making me feel so so sad and upset-its horrible that ive had to endure yet more emotional abuse (I had lots when I was a child) -I dont know why I have had so much disgust and anger directed at me- because of desire I have to die-which of course only confirms and strengthens my feelings of deep hurt & makes me feel even surer that I have to die, i'm just sad that I will be carrying all that extra hurt as well as hatred &negativity directed at me, in my final moments :(

 

[angele]

You can discuss details here

True, I'm just very paranoid about that sort of thing. I'm planning on posting here more about it. Just have to be careful I guess :(

 

[BPD_LE]

True, I'm just very paranoid about that sort of thing. I'm planning on posting here more about it. Just have to be careful I guess :(

Just don't post any personal details that could reveal your identity and you'll be fine. You're anonymous.

 

[angele]

whats 1,4B- its a shame as I have had to cut people off rather than be able to hang out with them a few more times, I have also had to suffer stong and sustained verbal abuse & character assassination- from the people that are meant to care-which is making me feel so so sad and upset-its horrible that ive had to endure yet more emotional abuse (I had lots when I was a child) -I dont know why I have had so much disgust and anger directed at me- because I have a desire to die-which of course only confirms and strengthens me feelings of deep hurt and makes me feel even surer that I have to die, just sad that I will be carrying all that extra hurt as well as hatred and negativity directed at me, in my final moments :(

That's exactly what I'm afraid of, I hate that we can't just be honest about our feelings and intentions and be respected as human beings for it.
1,4B is 1,4 Butanediol, related to the party/date rape drug GHB. The mega-thread is here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/1-4-butanediol-megathread.10115/
It's a relatively new ctb method but from my research it appears to be the kind of death I'm looking for and quite accessible to me. I plan on being a sort of guinea pig for y'all.

 

[takeyourshotfunboy]

I am not currently actively suicidal but when I was I felt the exact same way. I was actually kind of excited about CTB and wanted to tell someone.

 

[Stan]

I am going to say something controversial. If I had as much data on GHB as I do with SN. I would choose GHB. The small bit of data I have, its about as close as you can get to Nembutal in the way it painlessly shuts your body down. For some people, they can even make it look like a natural death. The regimen is great! You get a bit drunk before it! There is no doubt that it is lethal. Just that the dosage is not clear and buying from an unknown source, you don't know the quality of it. And in respect to getting it, dark web sources have it in abundance.

 

[lymbo]

whats GHB ?

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Same here, My problem is Autism makes me too excited and sometimes it can come out which is a face palm moment as then I get stopped lol. Darn the autism honesty!

 

[angele]

Same here, My problem is Autism makes me too excited and sometimes it can come out which is a face palm moment as then I get stopped lol. Darn the autism honesty!

Haha same here. autism boys for the win

 

[Thisisjustadream]

I am going to say something controversial. If I had as much data on GHB as I do with SN. I would choose GHB. The small bit of data I have, its about as close as you can get to Nembutal in the way it painlessly shuts your body down. For some people, they can even make it look like a natural death. The regimen is great! You get a bit drunk before it! There is no doubt that it is lethal. Just that the dosage is not clear and buying from an unknown source, you don't know the quality of it. And in respect to getting it, dark web sources have it in abundance.

Tell me more sounds interesting

 

[GerMann]

https://drugs-forum.com/threads/bdo-and-theanine.256708/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/1-4-butanediol-megathread.10115/#post-183737

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/goodbye-freinds.10153/

 

[Stan]

Tell me more sounds interesting

link is in the thread already for further reading.

 

[charlottewilts]

ugh, same. it's not even about people finding out (and this is a major reason considering how paranoid i am) but because i'm afraid that if i share it i'll jinx it

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Haha same here. autism boys for the win

Wow your autistic and your title is how I am as well. Good to meet you lol

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I was prescribed Xyrem several years ago after an extended struggle adjusting from ten years of working third shift. Xyrem is prescription GHB and it is no joke. But it's very short acting, as most fast acting drugs are. You actually take two four-hour doses, but do it in bed, because you don't have long. My point is, if I had needed to CTB back then, I would have stockpiled it and I COMPLETELY agree that it has to be one of the best ways to go. Also, I didn't take the brand name, I had generic sodium oxybate. A+++++ Would recommend. Lol

 

[Kotochan]

I hate not being able to talk about suicide. It really is tempting to just blab to my therapist but that's a terrible idea.

I went through a phase where i trusted my doctors and therapists when they said i could talk to them about ctb. That it would be lame to be hospitalized but at least i would get to be open about how i feel.

Anyone who is exposed to ctb is inevitably going to turn it against you, start to pathalogize everything you say and even start to see you as manipulative for wanting to talk about it.

Sadly the best option we have is to simply keep our mouths shut because no one can help us.

Everyone can go on blissfully ignorant to how shitty everything is and if you disturb that then you might as well be the cause of it.

 

[zeroambition]

I'm lucky because I can talk to my mother about my plan and everything suicide related.