I've been on this website for over a year now. I have not engaged with the community. Been on and off about suicide for the following reasons
-Accessibility to a reliable method
-I have poor reading comprehension so I don't understand the mega thread, no one will help me understand the information so I haven't been able to figure out a reliable method
-Fear of failing
I've lived a very painful life due to mental illness from a young age. I simply don't want to exist. I don't want my consciousness to exist. I want to end my life so my consciousness will cease to exist. I fear of failing 1. and 2. i fear of an afterlife existing and me being punished just for my will not exist.
I'm also scared to do this. I'm scared to leave my family. I'm scared of what would happen next.
I feel immense emotional pain and I don't want to live in a world where i'm so vunreable to pain and suffering and where I don't feel I belong or can connect to people.
I feel really lonely, I feel like I barely have any friends I feel like a black sheep, a loser, a failure.
I worked for all 2019 and saved my money to afford to travel now i'm realizing I won't be happy, I'll just carry my lowliness and pain with me wherever I go.
I'm hesitant to kill myself but I want to end my conciousness.
I want to end my conciousness more than anything - to have no subjective awareness - to be nothing - nonexistent
im scared of an afterlife
i just want there to be peace, nothingness.
i have a plan to kill myself, sadly i dont understand the information here due to my poor reading comprehension and people won't help me understand because it's considered spoon feeding information so the only certain way i can commit suicide is a painful way but i am thinking of buying a weighted vest. handcuffing myself behind my back and jumping into the ocean i have a pier that i can jump off of. i know it will be painful but what are moments of pain compared to a lifetime of pain?
I believe hell is in your own mind. I have had this question my whole life. I was raised Christian, went to a Christian school from kindergarten to 12th grade, and went to church twice a week, prayer sessions at home, plus my parents had a Christian bookstore in our house during my early years. I was raised and taught that Fear and Guilt is what it is all about. So, I lived in fear of Hell my whole life.
My whole life I have been suicidal, but scared of Hell too, so I never did it.
I also have mental illnesses, that I have had All my life, but not diagnosed though yet, that I Also want to escape from. PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder,Panic Disorder,Much Anxiety,Depression,etc. So I follow you. I want desperately to rid myself of All of the parts of me that are messed up...mentally and physically.
I have Always lived with the Hell in my mind. Humans Being born blind...we Only Follow others, who don't really Know anything either. So, the concept of Hell is Taught not a Known place. We are taught to fear and have guilt, and suffer from the fear of the unknown. It is our choice to believe it or not. To be damned to Hell for all eternity to suffer, just for needing to get out of the Hell we are living in Now. This is Beyond Sadistic!
I have had experiences that prove there is definitely more out there than we know, where you have no ego, only existing in a state of bliss. I want to believe that the afterlife is as beautiful as these experiences.
I hope this helps, and it helps me to not feel alone. Thank you. Peace and Bright Blessings.