I previously tried to die by over-eating. I was about 115Kg with just 1'75m. But the psychologist to so insistent that at last I left it. Now I lost 40kg and weight 74Kg and going down. Later I thought I could die somehow by being poor. Since I'm useless at jobs, it's not very difficult. I live alone, so I by now receive a small amount of money from the government, that keeps me away from desperate, but it's not forever. When it ends, I will choose : life or death.
I previously tried to die by over-eating. I was about 115Kg with just 1'75m. But the psychologist to so insistent that at last I left it. Now I lost 40kg and weight 74Kg and going down. Later I thought I could die somehow by being poor. Since I'm useless at jobs, it's not very difficult. I live alone, so I by now receive a small amount of money from the government, that keeps me away from desperate, but it's not forever. When it ends, I will choose : life or death.
felix
Experienced
- Jan 25, 2019
- 257
Sitting in the house for three and half yrs. Too socially anxious, mentally slow, and mentally ill to get out and do things.
JohnUK
Student
- Feb 15, 2019
- 147
Vaughn
Experienced
- Feb 21, 2019
- 227
at 56 lived a realllly full life. Lived in many foreign countries, ate everything, drank everything, been very kind to most - - Am bored with health problems... Now with osteoporosis and other health problems, it is
time to wrap things up.
time to wrap things up.
Chronic insomnia has also made me a belligerent basket case. And I've tried pretty much everything out there.
Xaphous
hikikomori
- Nov 11, 2018
- 550
lifelong isolation bullying and mental torture , denied a chance to change anything by everyone else.
Life has just taken and taken from me and not given 1 thing in return. I made a bad decision that ruined my life and lead to this descent into hell. I have endured severe physical ad mental abuse in relationships, rape, being stabbed in the back by people who I thought cared and chronic pain and bad health. Im not meant for this world. I never was.
Well I finished one engineering degree and started another because I didn't know what to do with my life after I graduated. Now I feel just as miserable as a postgrad, so I may as well end my life.
Roy King
Member
- Jan 12, 2019
- 37
Nevertheless that isn't excuse for not getting a Job, many people work on jobs they don't really like, they do it because they want financial independence... Others will treat you badly as long as you depend on them!
Because my attempt to live abroad failed and I noticed life could become worst there. Now I don't want to work, I am unable to find a boyfriend, because I don't feel attraction for anybody. When I feel attracted I is not reciprocal. And a realized I don't like the profession I have and I am unable to pass in job technical interviews because I don't have anergy to complete them. I am unable to dress myself to go out, because I don't have energy to do it. I became a shit leaving with my mother. I don't to make a mother live worst, but living this way is also a problem to her life. I fell too unhappy.
longerhu
New Member
- Feb 15, 2019
- 4
FTL.Wanderer
Enlightened
- May 31, 2018
- 1,782
I empathize. I've lived abroad much of my life, too, thinking I could escape in different cultures. Nope. And when you return back home the depression can be even worse because you've already tried radically changing your surroundings but... Hope you're feeling a bit better today.
I was ruined by psychiatric medications. I once approached a psychiatrist in 2017 due to me having a problem with staring at people. He gave me a high dosage of escitalopram. I took those for a time where it ended up numbing my emotions. I stopped it but I never recovered. I literally couldn't laugh anymore. Excitement for things was gone. Human emotional connection was gone. Life became grey. I lost my personality. In 2018 I was forced medicated with Abilify in my 2 week stay in the psych ward. Ever since I suffered severe insomnia, loss of interests and motivation, anhedonia, sexual dysfunction, loss of imagination, loss of creativity, loss of hobbies, lack of love for things, couldn't feel music, etc. all due to Abilify's effects on the dopamine system. It basically crushed everything that was left. I don't feel human anymore. There is no more happiness for me. No point in living. I feel at peace about ending it all.
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restforeternity
Student
- Feb 17, 2019
- 170
Because I'm a growing cancerous hemorrhoid that is about to explode.
I want to end it all because I hate being a gay man. I hate the segment of the population that comes with being gay so I have withdrawn from being gay. I'm also outside the heteronormative mainstream by being gay so I face the worst of both worlds.
NotMemorableEnough
Member
- Feb 25, 2019
- 23
Extreme selfhate, hating everything around me, social anxiety, depression and my experience in a psych ward.
Epilepsy.
My brain became fucked in 2008, I think. A bit later than 2000. The first mentioning of epilepsy I can find on paper shows 2008, but there was stuff earlier before and I don't see my diagnosis papers anywhere. I'm fighting for a surgery. I don't want to ctb, but I can't live like this either. If plan A doesn't work out, off to the station I go.
My brain became fucked in 2008, I think. A bit later than 2000. The first mentioning of epilepsy I can find on paper shows 2008, but there was stuff earlier before and I don't see my diagnosis papers anywhere. I'm fighting for a surgery. I don't want to ctb, but I can't live like this either. If plan A doesn't work out, off to the station I go.
I think you said probably the only reason, one would not want to ctb - you don't want to see some evil people around you even happier... I think I'm done with hate however, and sooner or latter, you can't excuse your existence with anybody else, in any way shape or form. If you want reasons, I think many can relate to those:
- we live in a savage world where animals kill each other to survive. A lot of people think they were born "to be happy". No, you were born to survive, to eat and not be eaten. On top of that, nature can't care less. It's a brutal life...
- I have very little of the savage genes, so I'm unfit to survive. If we were in the jungle like our ancestors, I would be dead by now.
- I'm too sensitive, empathic. This is again, quite bad trait for survival, or even to find friends, partners... Superficial relationships are so much easier and this is what most people value these days.
- I think too much. Life can's answer most of your questions, it lacks meaning and purpose. Also people in general don't think that much, so again - it's difficult to relate, to find common interests.
- I don't like society. It's like a tool for mass control. I realize it gives us a lot of gadgets, utilities, but you pay a hefty price. I think living closer to nature, in smaller communities, leads to healthier life, with less pressure.
- society peaked around year 2000, nothing new to achieve, except probably AI and then kill yourself as completely obsolete...
- running small business is really difficult, because of this thing called market consolidation. It's an illusion that capitalism presents equal opportunity for everybody. This is just the innovation phase. Then follows consolidation, and you are left with one or two big corporations that rules it all. So better get used to that cubical...
- you just feel you don't belong here, with these people, and it's not your place.
What we call human life, is a thin strip between underdevelopment and overdevelopment. If you lack at something, or shine at something, you are basically doomed, you can never achieve the right balance. You just have to be "average", especially in this mass culture.
- we live in a savage world where animals kill each other to survive. A lot of people think they were born "to be happy". No, you were born to survive, to eat and not be eaten. On top of that, nature can't care less. It's a brutal life...
- I have very little of the savage genes, so I'm unfit to survive. If we were in the jungle like our ancestors, I would be dead by now.
- I'm too sensitive, empathic. This is again, quite bad trait for survival, or even to find friends, partners... Superficial relationships are so much easier and this is what most people value these days.
- I think too much. Life can's answer most of your questions, it lacks meaning and purpose. Also people in general don't think that much, so again - it's difficult to relate, to find common interests.
- I don't like society. It's like a tool for mass control. I realize it gives us a lot of gadgets, utilities, but you pay a hefty price. I think living closer to nature, in smaller communities, leads to healthier life, with less pressure.
- society peaked around year 2000, nothing new to achieve, except probably AI and then kill yourself as completely obsolete...
- running small business is really difficult, because of this thing called market consolidation. It's an illusion that capitalism presents equal opportunity for everybody. This is just the innovation phase. Then follows consolidation, and you are left with one or two big corporations that rules it all. So better get used to that cubical...
- you just feel you don't belong here, with these people, and it's not your place.
What we call human life, is a thin strip between underdevelopment and overdevelopment. If you lack at something, or shine at something, you are basically doomed, you can never achieve the right balance. You just have to be "average", especially in this mass culture.
Memento Mori
shambling garbage
- Jan 24, 2019
- 573
the nothingness is the last fun thing I can imagine, every other option is no more selectable. except drugs, but they make you sick and tired some day. and for doing nothing except traveling and making photos of everything on this planet like a japanese guy (no hate ā„) you need an ass full of money.
Meretlein
Moderator
- Feb 15, 2019
- 1,199
Honestly my experience in a psych ward is a factor too. Glad i'm not alone.
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