i want to be in pain. i want something to happen to me that causes me to physically suffer. yet every time i try something it does nothing. i have consumed 700+ mg of caffeine in the past 18 hours and i am only used to around 250-300 in a 24 hour period. that is double what i am used to and yet my body is fine. my heart rate is barely above normal, im shaky but that's it. why the fuck do i have such good luck???? i've survived 3 suicide attempts that should have easily killed me. fuck.
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