Venting why the fuck I can't CTB

[weonaestupida]

Since I can remember I always wanted to die and kill myself, when I was a teenager I tried to do it like 3 times but now that I'm adult I never tried again and I feel like I can't, the desire of wanted to die never disappeared tho but I think too much about it
I wish a was more impulsive and get the job done, I don't know how I can do that, but I want to, I want to get eaten by the worms soon and not being miserable every single day

 

[kitkat9234]

I relate so much to this. Big hugs to you.

 

[zekeyaeger]

Survival instinct, some deep recesses of the mind still having a hope for a better life.

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

Ikr, there is always something that makes you want to continue living even though you know there will be more suffering down the line. I have been suicidal since I was 8 years old and am still here. I guess it makes sense though, as this universe is all about equivalent exchange. Because every action has an equal and opposite reaction, the mental effort to ctb yourself will have to be equal to the suffering in your mind. If you are able to pass that threshold ctb would probably come easy no matter the method. The good things in life and the difficulty of ctb is what prevents most from passing that innate threshold.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

Since I can remember I always wanted to die and kill myself, when I was a teenager I tried to do it like 3 times but now that I'm adult I never tried again and I feel like I can't, the desire of wanted to die never disappeared tho but I think too much about it
I wish a was more impulsive and get the job done, I don't know how I can do that, but I want to, I want to get eaten by the worms soon and not being miserable every single day

Like so many of us. We're stuck in this misserable life.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Dying is the hardest and most difficult act that somebody can do. When it comes to struggles and challenges in life, we rely on other people to help us get through that challenge whether that be contacting an irl friend for help or watching a youtube video made by somebody on a difficult concept. However, when it comes to suicide, aside from the information present on here (which is intentionally tiny plus many suicidal people don't even have that), you have to do it completely alone. You have to hope that you don't magically survive during the attempt (which can happen even if what you do is lethal) and that nobody witnesses you attempting as they are then legally and morally (more like ego) obligated to "save" (more like prolong) your life. This alone makes suicide the most difficult act ever and it disproves pro lifers saying that suicide is easy, painless and that "if somebody really wants to die, they will find a way to die" whilst simultaneously opposing euthanasia and the actual peaceful ways of dying.

The odds are against us here when it comes to suicide and the ratio of those who succeed to those who fail is further proof of this. Anybody who says otherwise is ignorant of the true nature of suicide whilst simultaneously acting like they know everything about it (once again, the human ego returns).

 

[sapphoslastpoem]

I've been trying to do this since I was 8, still haven't been able to get over that survival instinct

 

[Unknown21]

Because as an adult you know the magnitude of the decision and that it will have consequences for those around you and if you fail, you know that this decision is the last in your life forever. You find yourself always rethinking a decision that you have finished thinking about, you find yourself always hesitating and you may fall prey to false hope. As a teenager you are reckless and not really aware of what you are doing. For you as a teenager it would be like sleeping or drinking until you pass out and never waking up again. But it's different when you're an adult. I wish you the best, I suffer from the same thing too, although I wanted to kill myself almost my entire life and I know that non-existence is much better than life, I've always really looked forward to it, it's the ultimate salvation.