Why the fuck does it have to be so expensive to ctb???

[mistymoo]

I know to most people it might not be a huge amount to pay but for me it is. I just can't afford SN and I'm in Canada so no firearm(Unless I use a bb gun which will fail.)
I'm so sick of this shit. I'm sick of constantly being sad and crying. I don't have a life anymore. I don't even leave my house anymore. I'm quite literally just a drain on society.
There's a bridge near me that says it has a fall of 19.8 metres (65 ft 0 in.) I keep fantizing about it. I think my si will be way too strong to jump however. My fear of heights makes me freeze up.
I'm at the point tho that I can't handle this pain anymore. I've been thinking of jumping infront of a bus but I think I'll survive it. The traffic is just too slow. At this point I don't care how much I suffer physically just as long as I don't get back up.
Maybe I'll walk to the highway and wait for a truck or bus. I seriously do not want to traumatize anyone else but the pain is just becoming too much. Once I'm gone, im gone. I don't want to worry about the person(s) I traumatize. It'll be the most selfish and selfless thing I've ever done. My end is coming very soon

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering, it must be really dreadful and tiring what you are going through.

 

[Kapsyl]

I've spent approximately 700$ for my setup, if I go with gun instead is another 1500-2000$ so it's quite expensive. They're other cheap methods but you will have to put up with some discomfort and pain.

 

[Forveleth]

People have killed themselves with shoelaces and a couple of socks. All it takes is a bit of research, creativity, and patience. I don't know why everybody thinks that SN and guns are the only way to kill yourself. Yes, they are usually the ones that are most guaranteed to be quick and painless, but there are other methods that involve very little pain and are relatively fast.

Edit to add: I would also like to add that SN is not painless. If you go through any of the SN attempt threads here, people very often throw up, even with anti-emetics, get a racing heartbeat, and, if you don't take enough painkillers beforehand, you get a raging headache and you get extremely dizzy. I don't know how any of that can be better than if you properly hang yourself. You're out in less than 10 seconds and all you feel are some tingles.

 

[mistymoo]

People have killed themselves with shoelaces and a couple of socks. All it takes is a bit of research, creativity, and patience. I don't know why everybody thinks that SN and guns are the only way to kill yourself. Yes, they are usually the ones that are most guaranteed to be quick and painless, but there are other methods that involve very little pain and are relatively fast.

I reaaalllyy just have to make sure I won't get back up. I'm looking for a 75% chance or higher.
Patience is hard when all you can do is cry and hurt

 

[ADBoy777]

For me that's one of the most cruel sides of our fuc*ed up world.
They don't care about your suffering they only care about you keep suffering and will do everything to prevent you from stop it.

You can be the most miserable person alive and they will save u from ctb just to get you back to the suffering and that's all they care about.
We living in some kind of huge Alcatraz

 

[SeekingPeace164]

I've spent approximately 700$ for my setup, if I go with gun instead is another 1500-2000$ so it's quite expensive. They're other cheap methods but you will have to put up with some discomfort and pain.

1500-2000$? What type of gun are you getting?

 

[Nothing87]

I agree it is expensive to CTB, I'm planning on using SN but it's too expensive and I'm broke so I have to save up some money. Also, I hope you find peace and freedom from all your pain and suffering.

 

[mistymoo]

For me that's one of the most cruel sides of our fuc*ed up world.
They don't care about your suffering they only care about you keep suffering and will do everything to prevent you from stop it.

You can be the most miserable person alive and they will save u from ctb just to get you back to the suffering and that's all they care about.
We living in some kind of huge Alcatraz

They'll literally waste and use up resources on me if I'm not successful because I'll go right back to trying once I'm out of the hospital. It's so stupid

 

[Kapsyl]

1500-2000$? What type of gun are you getting?

Grenade launcher. Seriously though it's not quite as easy here to simply buy a gun, you need a valid reason to own one like hunting (ctb is not considered a valid reason). So I'll have to go through the whole dance for simply getting any gun (not pistols) that's another license.

Hunting license 700-900$
gun safe 300-400$
random shotgun 200-400$.

 

[suffering_mo_7]

Grenade launcher. Seriously though it's not quite as easy here to simply buy a gun, you need a valid reason to own one like hunting (ctb is not considered a valid reason). So I'll have to go through the whole dance for simply getting any gun (not pistols) that's another license.

Hunting license 700-900$
gun safe 300-400$
random shotgun 200-400$.

I know you are doing inert gas.... would you prefer gun if you could get a handgun? @Kapsyl

 

[Kapsyl]

I know you are doing inert gas.... would you prefer gun if you could get a handgun? @Kapsyl

I would actually prefer firearms before inert, but not for the reason you may think. I have a military background and I have a somewhat romanticized vision of ending it all with a firearm, preferably with my own service weapon. I also really like the idea of notifying the emergency service my location and announcing my departure, it would ensure my body is taken care of relatively fast by professionals.

Firearms are instantaneous and inert is somewhat delayed allowing you to abort up to the point of no return, which would probably come as a surprise. With firearms you really have to commit and pull that trigger, there's no second chances it's one final pull and then nothing.

I like the idea of having the option to abort, but I also like the absolute certainty of firearms. They're are really tied in the purpose of ctb but I really romanticize the scenario of sitting alone somewhere secluded and either succumb to the fact I have to die or keep struggling another week. When the final call is made it really puts the pressure to either commit or become incarcerated.

I wouldn't choose a revolver/pistol through, a shotgun or high caliber rifle is less likely to move around if you flinch. It will be a mess regardless, might as well commit to the more destructive for absolutely certainty.