Why stay alive if I no longer have reasons to do so?

[SuicideGirl2105]

I feel lonely, more and more people are moving away from me because they are bored with my problems and my existence.
I know if I disappear I would do a favor to most of the people who have known me, but I don't want to break my promise. That promise I made to my dead boyfriend to live a life for both of us, that promise I made to my best friend to always be there for him.
I'm giving up, I can't take so much pain anymore ... I just can't take it anymore. I want to finish with everything at once, but I'm not good for that, I feel scared at the right moment when I want to grab the knife and cut my veins. I just can't do it... I CAN'T.
One part of me wants to look for help, but other part of me just want to be worse and worse and one day die...
I don't know what to do.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Seems smarter to give into the "look for help" part first, since the other way around doesn't work.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/recovery-and-crisis-resources.20652/

 

[SuicideGirl2105]

Seems smarter to give into the "look for help" part first, since the other way around doesn't work.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/recovery-and-crisis-resources.20652/

Maybe one day I'll try it :)
I'm okay like this right now... I gonna look for help when my family die :D... in that moment I'll be free of any judgment from them

 

[WornOutLife]

Having no reasons to live, no goals and no motivation makes everything harder and CTB seems like the the best option.

At least that's what I thought until last year.

Why did I change my mind? Well, I started looking for every possible hobby and things that might interest me and I found out that I really love languages and my work. I'm still suicidal, though. However, my days are much better and TOLERABLE.

You gotta find out what your dreams are. Mine is to visit Japan so, I'm working more and trying to save money! It's become my motivation to live.

Just do a deep research and see if you find reasons for living. It could be watching those tv shows until their end, waiting for new books to come out, travelling all over the world, finding the love of your life, etc! There are so many options!

I hope you can feel better and have a look at the thread @GenesAndEnvironment shared!

Hugs to you!

 

[Life_and_Death]

i agree with what @GenesAndEnvironment said. you should give it a try. im in a constant battle between life and death. death will always be there so why not try to fix your life and enjoy what you can. its difficult but with each time i want life i do feel a little better. its just a matter of life winning the war.