Why shouldn’t I CTB?

[DesolateSouls]

I have just turned 27 and I have no SO, unbelievably lonely, have been sexless for 4 years, no money(I've barely eaten this month, down 20 lbs since may), no house(I rent), no pets, no close friends, no career(I started college 2 years ago and won't even be able to get an entry level position until I graduate at age 30), have failed at almost everything I've ever tried to do, former drug addict, poor relationship with family, am neurodivergent… and believe me, I have TRIED to improve myself for YEARS.

I have continuously been used and exploited for my kindness and then thrown away when I am no longer needed over and over and over again. I really cannot think of a single reason why I shouldn't CTB with my roommate's ar 15 right now.

 

[Vizzy]

I have just turned 27 and I have no SO, unbelievably lonely, have been sexless for 4 years, no money(I've barely eaten this month, down 20 lbs since may), no house(I rent), no pets, no close friends, no career(I started college 2 years ago and won't even be able to get an entry level position until I graduate at age 30), have failed at almost everything I've ever tried to do, former drug addict, poor relationship with family, am neurodivergent… and believe me, I have TRIED to improve myself for YEARS.

I have continuously been used and exploited for my kindness and then thrown away when I am no longer needed over and over and over again. I really cannot think of a single reason why I shouldn't CTB with my roommate's ar 15 right now.

You have to answer this question, as no one other than you can make the decision

It's your choice though!

 

[DesolateSouls]

You have to answer this question, as no one other than you can make the decision

It's your choice though!

I really can't think of an answer. This has been completely consuming my mind for the last month. I'd much rather use SN or even better, N, but they both seem to be difficult to get ahold of, plus the money issue. I don't want to leave a mess for whoever finds me, but at the same time it seems like the easier and fastest method.

 

[leavingsoon99]

If you're asking such a question, maybe the "Recovery" part of the site is for you. Other than that, like the previous commentor stated, only you can answer this question. You have an AR-15 at your disposal. If you're still asking why shouldn't you, then there's some doubt there. There's nothing wrong with looking for something to hope in. I was used and mistreated by others as well, and sought a reason to hold on. Only you know that reason. My advice would be to do some serious inflection and reflection on your life. That'll tell you what is important to you and if you can actually bring yourself to do what you think needs to be done. I wish you luck and peace in your pursuit.

 

[hopeless302]

I have just turned 27 and I have no SO, unbelievably lonely, have been sexless for 4 years, no money(I've barely eaten this month, down 20 lbs since may), no house(I rent), no pets, no close friends, no career(I started college 2 years ago and won't even be able to get an entry level position until I graduate at age 30), have failed at almost everything I've ever tried to do, former drug addict, poor relationship with family, am neurodivergent… and believe me, I have TRIED to improve myself for YEARS.

I have continuously been used and exploited for my kindness and then thrown away when I am no longer needed over and over and over again. I really cannot think of a single reason why I shouldn't CTB with my roommate's ar 15 right now.

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through. I know it's hard. About the money thing, maybe you can try to apply for jobs with a low barrier of entry and save some money until you get your degree. IT help desk positions can be a good place to start. Not the most prestigious job in the world, but it can be a useful stop gap, and if you like it, you might even be able to build a career in IT. All the learning materials can be found on Youtube if you dig around. Also, don't feel bad because you don't have a house or because you started college late. We're living in strange economic times. 20 years ago, people would have a house, stable marriage, career and a degree by the time they're like 30. But things have changed, and many others are in the same boat as you. Just try to do things in your own time. You are not a failure. You can achieve everything you want, one step at a time.

 

[Quinnalyn]

You're kind, you're trying to improve, and you still haven't experienced life after college.

 

[Beyond_Body]

i was sexless for 22 years and than i gone to escort. i thought that will cure my social anxiety and depression but i was wrong. im still suicidal.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's true that existing here certainly is so dreadful and it's horrible how humans create so much unnecessary torment, you certainly cannot trust other people and it's really understandable wishing to finally be free from everything, there's too much suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.