Venting Why Should the Only Reason to Live be for Other People?

[WanderingGypsy]

Hey everyone! I've been going back & forth to wanting to ctb for many years now. Back to wanting to do it more and more these days. Life is so hard and I'm so tired of having to fight so much to just function.
I was thinking the other day of reasons to live and I do have some but most of them I'm even questioned anymore. The biggest reasons for living are for my friends and some family, plus I do have rewarding job where I know I'm deeply helping other people. I know my death would effect the people I work with and be a loss to others I could help. But I've been thinking about this more and more and thinking that why should the only reasons I stay alive be for other people?! I honestly can't think of any reasons that are just for me. Like my own suffering is taking a backseat to helping everyone else. I've done this for like 20 years. Probably longer! It's exhausting and isn't helping me in any way. Maybe that is me being selfish, but I just am so tired of doing things for everyone else at the cost of myself. Especially when I don't feel I get anything back from people, and honestly don't believe I matter to them. Why should I keep living my awful life just for others when I don't want to be alive anymore?
I don't know if that makes sense and this probably sounds really selfish and cold hearted, but it's what I'm feeling. Has anyone else felt this way?

 

[DivineBreadEnjoyer]

In my opinion it's not selfish to commit suicide, even if the people around you suffer because of that
It's just that my personal reason to stay alive is my mom, she's the best mom, raised me perfectly despite having it so hard and I'm so thankful to have her
It would be unfair towards her to do so as I would ruin the rest of her life, now that she just started getting really happy from time to time I cant take that away from her

You don't have to live for other people, for me living for my mom is just my personal reason, I wouldn't say it's selfish at all tho.