Venting why not just die

[maidens]

I can't even push myself to do the simplest of things. right now I'm laying on the ground with a blanket. I'm supposed to be doing something but I physically can't push myself to get up and I hate it. sometimes can't even get water or something to eat. I don't remember when it got this bad.

if I'm dead I can't suffer, do things I don't want to, think about things I don't want to, see the people I don't like, be hurt in any way and there will no longer be a way for me to do anything at all. there is no reason I shouldn't die. I've asked my mom several times why she keeps me alive (I still live with my parents) and she always either doesn't answer or says something along the lines of "because I don't want you to." I can't take it anymore

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable just wishing to be free from this existence. In my case only ceasing to exist is all that feels ideal, I see no value in meaningless and pointless suffering that there was never a need for in the first place.