PathtoDie
Member
- Nov 20, 2023
- 21
Am I the only crazy one to think that it's almost impossible to kill oneself? I mean, I hear people off themselves over the news now and then, and wonder how in the world they succeeded. Either it's due to hanging or OD'ing or through some other method.
But I can't for the LIFE of me figure out a way to get out of this cruel world. I live with my family, and I never learned to drive or be fully independent, even though I'm 24(m). No way I can just buy some rope and somehow go through with it as SI kicks in hard. OD'ing on normal medical pills I have is not possible, the most I'll experience is probably throwing up a lot and going to the hospital. I had SEVERAL opportunities to off myself however, when I went hiking up a mountain with my father. I could've jumped off from the edge, most likely would've died, but SI stopped me. I even discussed with my dad multiple times as we were near the edge. He begged me to not do it at least for the sake of my mother whom I love very much and I resigned. We climbed down the mountain and that's that.
It's been years since that incident happened, and my family is STILL freaking out I might be suicidal so I can't just order a cab and lie to them.
Since a month or so I've been addicted to cigarettes and alcohol. No one in my family lineage smokes or drinks. I stumbled into it because of major depression due to a reason that's too personal and way too specific to share unfortunately.
Now since a couple of days I cut down from drinking 750ml of vodka a day to 180ml, 7 cigs to 3. Feeling irritable, freaking sleepless until like 7 AM, but I'm tapering it off somehow. No major side effects.
I wanted to get away from this world since many years, but basically the only time I could've done it is when we climbed that mountain. SI stopped me.
So I was wondering, why is there NO KILL SWITCH to our bodies like computers have? If something goes wrong in the system, it will give out an error and shut down. Imagine how much pain and suffering would've been avoided if we could just off ourselves whenever we wanted, especially in emergency situations.
I so wanna die, like oh my God do I want to. But I can't. I'm trapped in this useless body with a lot of health issues, both physical and mental.
Please share your thoughts, and thanks for reading my long rant.
But I can't for the LIFE of me figure out a way to get out of this cruel world. I live with my family, and I never learned to drive or be fully independent, even though I'm 24(m). No way I can just buy some rope and somehow go through with it as SI kicks in hard. OD'ing on normal medical pills I have is not possible, the most I'll experience is probably throwing up a lot and going to the hospital. I had SEVERAL opportunities to off myself however, when I went hiking up a mountain with my father. I could've jumped off from the edge, most likely would've died, but SI stopped me. I even discussed with my dad multiple times as we were near the edge. He begged me to not do it at least for the sake of my mother whom I love very much and I resigned. We climbed down the mountain and that's that.
It's been years since that incident happened, and my family is STILL freaking out I might be suicidal so I can't just order a cab and lie to them.
Since a month or so I've been addicted to cigarettes and alcohol. No one in my family lineage smokes or drinks. I stumbled into it because of major depression due to a reason that's too personal and way too specific to share unfortunately.
Now since a couple of days I cut down from drinking 750ml of vodka a day to 180ml, 7 cigs to 3. Feeling irritable, freaking sleepless until like 7 AM, but I'm tapering it off somehow. No major side effects.
I wanted to get away from this world since many years, but basically the only time I could've done it is when we climbed that mountain. SI stopped me.
So I was wondering, why is there NO KILL SWITCH to our bodies like computers have? If something goes wrong in the system, it will give out an error and shut down. Imagine how much pain and suffering would've been avoided if we could just off ourselves whenever we wanted, especially in emergency situations.
I so wanna die, like oh my God do I want to. But I can't. I'm trapped in this useless body with a lot of health issues, both physical and mental.
Please share your thoughts, and thanks for reading my long rant.
