Why is it so hard to die?

[farawaystar]

It's so easy to think about dying. It comforts me, honestly — knowing that one day all of this will just stop. The pain, the exhaustion, everything. But actually doing it? That's the part I don't understand.

Right now I'm just sitting on my bed. I want to leave so badly. There's a bridge near me, 45 meters high. I know where it is. I could go there tonight. I could jump. And it would finally be over.

But I'm scared.

Not of dying. Not of the fall. I'm scared of the seconds before. Standing there. Letting go. What if I hesitate? What if my body won't let me? That moment — right before — that's what stops me.

It's strange. We all have the way. We all have the choice. But something inside holds us back. At the very last second, something invisible just... stops us. I don't know if it's fear, or something deeper. Maybe just the body fighting to survive.

But I promise myself — I will push through it. I will do it. Soon.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I feel the same. My life failed. I never emerged from childhood and now I'm getting old. I think about death all day. But every way to get it takes courage I lack.

 

[farawaystar]

أشعر بنفس الشعور. حياتي فشلت. لم أتجاوز مرحلة الطفولة، والآن أشيخ. أفكر في الموت طوال اليوم. لكن كل سبيلٍ إليه يتطلب شجاعةً أفتقر إليها.

I feel the same. My life failed. I never emerged from childhood and now I'm getting old. I think about death all day. But every way to get it takes courage I

I feel the same. My life failed. I never emerged from childhood and now I'm getting old. I think about death all day. But every way to get it takes courage I lack.

May you find your way to peace. May you rest in silence, far from everything.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

It's so easy to think about dying. It comforts me, honestly — knowing that one day all of this will just stop. The pain, the exhaustion, everything. But actually doing it? That's the part I don't understand.

Right now I'm just sitting on my bed. I want to leave so badly. There's a bridge near me, 45 meters high. I know where it is. I could go there tonight. I could jump. And it would finally be over.

But I'm scared.

Not of dying. Not of the fall. I'm scared of the seconds before. Standing there. Letting go. What if I hesitate? What if my body won't let me? That moment — right before — that's what stops me.

It's strange. We all have the way. We all have the choice. But something inside holds us back. At the very last second, something invisible just... stops us. I don't know if it's fear, or something deeper. Maybe just the body fighting to survive.

But I promise myself — I will push through it. I will do it. Soon.

It's comforting to know there are others that experience this. I now realize that in MOST suicide attempts, there is some degree of ambivalence. It's our innate survival instinct. I didn't understand all this for the longest time; and I was left thinking I must be faking it. Maybe I'm just being obnoxious. I can't be truly suicidal and hesitate, right? I thought the literal definition of "suicidal" was a person that had made up their mind without doubts and couldn't be stopped. Boy was I wrong.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

It's comforting to know there are others that experience this. I now realize that in MOST suicide attempts, there is some degree of ambivalence. It's our innate survival instinct. I didn't understand all this for the longest time; and I was left thinking I must be faking it. Maybe I'm just being obnoxious. I can't be truly suicidal and hesitate, right? I thought the literal definition of "suicidal" was a person that had made up their mind without doubts and couldn't be stopped. Boy was I wrong.

I wouldn't hesitate with N. I hesitate hard with partial hanging. And I'm already too withdrawn to go buy a gun. That rope in my closet is my way out. But here I lie in bed.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

I wouldn't hesitate with N. I hesitate hard with partial hanging. And I'm already too withdrawn to go buy a gun. That rope in my closet is my way out. But here I lie in bed.

Oh I would definitely use N, if I could get some from a reliable source. I also don't want to buy it illegally because IF for whatever reason I change my mind, then I risk the law coming for me lol

 

[truehappiness]

Oh I would definitely use N, if I could get some from a reliable source. I also don't want to buy it illegally because IF for whatever reason I change my mind, then I risk the law coming for me lol

There is almost no chance of getting N anymore :')
Even state authorities have difficulties obtaining it

back then you could get it in person in south american petshops
But that has severely changed.
Apparently losing a lot of wage slaves made the government impose tighter restrictions

 

[itsgone2]

Apparently losing a lot of wage slaves made the government impose tighter restrictions

I think they just hate us. They don't seem to have an issue with massive layoffs or fraud businesses that pay no taxes. In the US the percent of people in the active workforce is at an all time low. So I think they've transitioned from wage slave to just slave to whatever they desire

 

[truehappiness]

I think they just hate us. They don't seem to have an issue with massive layoffs or fraud businesses that pay no taxes. In the US the percent of people in the active workforce is at an all time low. So I think they've transitioned from wage slave to just slave to whatever they desire

Correct! Same here in germany ^^

They don't give two shits about you as a person.
They either want you to go homeless and rummage the street as a drug addict as a "warning" of sorts to those on the lower end of the spectrum.
Or want you to be on that lower spectrum constantly riddled by fear of becoming homeless yourself so you take any "job" they put onto you

 

[itsgone2]

Correct! Same here in germany ^^

It's happening everywhere. Why? What's the point? The old way had none flowing too why is everything so effed now.

 

[xXSufferingXx]

i don't put my trust in jumping into water. i've seen way too many videos of pro swimmers jumping from higher than your mentioned height
and still living perfectly.
not sure how they do it.

i'd be afraid to survive it exactly like they do

 

[truehappiness]

It's happening everywhere. Why? What's the point? The old way had none flowing too why is everything so effed now.

Oh that is pretty easy to answer!

Private equity, Neoliberalism and conservatives.
They destroyed every single thing that made life somewhat bearable.
Your only purpose now is to be a tiny cog in the grand machine that makes shareholders more and more richer on the back of the middle class.

We got pedophiles as presidents
War criminals in leading positions
Every single politician with power is rich and corrupt and that won't change.

For a long long time being rich made you the "puppet master" of the world ^^ And that won't change

So go go and create more shareholder value.
While you are at it go and birth even more wage slaves so even more can suffer <3

Maybe later you even get the chance to go to the frontlines to die for your favorite oil company? :D

 

[UserFromNowhere]

I get it. I tried FSH the other day. Was able to get off the chair but as soon as I did my body started reaching for something, anything to save my life, and I ended up getting back on the chair and untie the noose. All it really taught me is that I need to kick the chair away and just be wiling to hang. It certainly was an experience where the truest test of my SI kicked in as all I thought about was "why does it have to be so hard to die?"

 

[Curious Dread]

So true. I know damn well I desperately want to die, and as time passes, the act of living just becomes more unbearable. But why can't I just bring myself to the final act? I can easily die in several ways. The rope in my room, the SN I can easily buy if I want. But I'm still here, dragging through the day. This limbo state is just so suffocating. I'm now stuck in the position that I cannot live anymore, but I cannot die either.

 

[itsgone2]

Private equity, Neoliberalism and conservatives.
They destroyed every single thing that made life somewhat bearable.

Yes. Private equity is pure evil. And yes politicians on both sides also pure evil, especially when they vow to protect citizens, then do the exact opposite
PE is scum and anyone working for them can go straight to hell.

 

[truehappiness]

Yes. Private equity is pure evil. And yes politicians on both sides also pure evil, especially when they vow to protect citizens, then do the exact opposite
PE is scum and anyone working for them can go straight to hell.

Jupppp!

Ah also
One important thing. The "democrats" in the US are considered center-right wing here in the EU xD Hahaha
If we had a true left wing based society depression would most definitely not be such a big topic as it is currently

 

[farawaystar]

لا أثق بالقفز في الماء. لقد شاهدت الكثير من الفيديوهات لسباحين محترفين يقفزون من ارتفاع أعلى مما ذكرت.
وما زال يعيش حياة مثالية.
لست متأكدًا كيف يفعلون ذلك.

أخشى أن أنجو من

It's asphalt, not water.