Discussion Why haven't you CTB yet?

[RottingCherry]

Why haven't you CTB yet?

 

[Lilythefenfen]

Got a concert I wanted to attend in July first. Gonna rock out before my lights get knocked out.

 

[DazaiKinnie]

Why haven't you CTB yet?

Need to write my books, plus the circumstances won't allow me yet.

 

[Unknown21]

Lack of money.

 

[babayaga]

i need to find out what to do with my dog first, i want her to go to someone that will love her but i dont want to burden people with a pet they dont want either. and just giving my dog away would raise red flags to people around me

 

[UKscotty]

Cowardice, what else is there?

Talking about CTB is easy, but doing it is extremely hard and I'm too weak to do it.

 

[Kikoo]

I still have this tiny little hope I'll be able to stay by his side. I want to spend as much time together as I can. Haven't found the method yet. The thought of suicide makes me sick.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Unfortunately still a little bit of hope left, family that may not overcome the loss, fear of becoming a veggie in the worst case. That's my major points to make me hesitate, but I wish for CTB so much lately maybe I can overcome all this soon.

 

[ggetout33]

- Cowardice
- Lack of knowledge of available methods (ie: night night, sn)
- Still have some money
- Parents are still alive, once they're gone I'll most likely follow suite.
- Lack of ways to get a gun, not that I would've went that way anyways.
- Pets are still around

 

[anonymous9559]

-No real reason to ctb or to not ctb.
-I feel like a bourdon to my friends and family, despite that when I ask they say I'm not
-I am never good enough
-I feel almost guilty to stay alive
-I really don't know if anyone would even notice that I was gone, aside from family who lives with me
-There is not really much of a reason to ctb based on that though
-I haven't even talked about it with anyone, this is the first time, maybe I can find someone who I trust to talk with
-I am afraid to talk about my feelings about anyone I know or have developed a relationship with
-Don't have much of a plan yet, I wouldn't want to mess it up
-There has to be a reason to not ctb, some sort of feeling. just something. I can't seem to find a reason to ctb or to keep on going

(sry for incoherent rambling)

 

[cami]

im in the psych ward :/

 

[MyFinalProject]

I have no reason to live but the SI stands in the way, if it weren't for that, I would be dead already.

 

[lachrymost]

There are many things I have never been able to do by myself. I'm smart but in many ways insanely incompetent--(I'm neurodivergent)--especially with hands-on shit. Suicide is pretty hands-on. It's such a joke to think I could ever pull it off. I would need help and fat chance of that, unless I ever get to access MAiD one of these decades.

I just wanted to live as best I could until it became unbearable, and then go out on my own terms. I wish this wasn't so much to ask. Every day I'm forced to be here is violence and violation. The anger I have at my fellow humans for that is immeasurable. They act unforgivably.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

Honestly, my family is getting in the way. It would've been so much easier to ctb otherwise. I remember my mom telling me, "if you fall then others will fall with you", these words kind of stuck with me, but there are times when the suffering is just too much.

 

[leftdreaming]

Unmotivated.

I also get the feeling this is some phase I'll wake up from but who knows.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Honestly, my family is getting in the way. It would've been so much easier to ctb otherwise. I remember my mom telling me, "if you fall then others will fall with you", these words kind of stuck with me, but there are times when the suffering is just too much.

That is unfortunately the biggest problem, we have to suffer until the ned of our lives (which could be decades) while the suffering from loss may never end but the haredest suffering for family will be over after some time.

 

[downndone2]

My reasons are below...

My grown kids and dogs

The thought that I might eventually make it through my misery and not be suicidal. I had the better part of a year a few yrs back when I was not suicidal

I need to get some stuff paid off and get my affairs in order

I haven't been able to obtain sn, n, or fentanyl

I don't have the balls to use a gun

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

Because like a light switch going off and on, i feel the fight come back when i think about the scum in this world enjoying their vacations, glasses of wine and dining on people of questionable ages.

Part of me wants to exit but not alone, i could do something about it, then drink the poison, is always the noise in my brain.

One last attempt at purpose?

 

[picklemick]

No SN, can't figure out partial hanging. Too scared for anything else.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that this question is asked makes it seem like the one who's asking is completely unaware of how difficult suicide really is in this world. The reality is that humans cannot just easily access instant peaceful methods which allows them to fall into an eternal sleep, I just think the inaccessability, complicated and risky nature of suicide keeps many people trapped here, not everyone is even capable of accessing the more desirable methods often mentioned on this site anyway.

 

[oldfritos]

I am a coward
I fear I will survive as a vegetable
And if I do survive the medical costs like holy shit
I am scared how it will absolutely ruin my mom's life for a bit
My cat's only human she really tolerates is me

 

[Zero Two]

I've been considering it for about 8 years but I feel like I am not allowed to. I grew up singing at my church and was forced to be "little miss perfect". I'm the youngest of 3, my siblings made many mistakes and my parents always told me I was not allowed to make mistakes. I just feel like I've been so brainwashed to feel that I deserve to suffer rather than to finally get some rest.
I've been considering it for about 8 years but I feel like I am not allowed to. I grew up singing at my church and was forced to be "little miss perfect". I'm the youngest of 3, my siblings made many mistakes and my parents always told me I was not allowed to make mistakes. I just feel like I've been so brainwashed to feel that I deserve to suffer rather than to finally get some rest.

 

[oh_no191]

I'm oddly scared

 

[HaveToEndIt]

Just need SN. Can someone PM me a source that will ship to the middle east?

 

[Sweet Tart]

I spent most of my life fighting the urge to walk into traffic when my stress level would hit a certain point. It was how I measured whether my daily life was livable or not. Many times I started over or just hid in the house whenever possible to avoid getting that urge. I know now that it is too risky of a method to ctb. I'm also at my lowest point ever and have nowhere to go, no one to see, nothing to do, no money. and absolutely zero prospects for my future. My mom is pressuring me to "get better" and gth out of her house and go back to being independent. That doesn't feel realistic anymore due to depression, tho I did have a successful and promising career for a time. Depression is terminal but like many terminal illness, it's course can be unpredictable.

Finding an effective method that feels right as well as a time and place in which one can die with dignity are incredibly difficult. I want to end my life but I don't want to do physical violence to myself. I just want dignity and calm. There has been so much emotional pain in my life already. I want the last act to be peaceful. But there are so many social barriers in place and I am accepting that I will have to compromise on what I want my death to be like. Figuring it out is an individual process with no guidelines, tho the information and personal experiences kindly posted here are a source of some comfort.

I'm finding many of the responses interesting and relatable so far. I'm also curious about what led to the question and what it means to you, @RottingCherry?