Why haven't you caught the bus yet?

[JakeFlake]

Let's share stories why we are still alive.

For me, it is because I'm a caregiver to someone.

 

[LifeHasNoOptIn]

My current reasons for hanging around are taking care of my last remaining kitty(she's about 12 yo), not yet being completely broke/homeless, distracting myself with Twitch or playing videogames, and just a general curiosity with watching the events of history play out daily.

Having lost my job of 30+ years has been both a blessing and a curse. It has been wonderful not to be under the daily stress it brought, but obviously money will be running out soon so I need to decide if I even want to bother starting over at 50+ with zero "on paper" skills or just dedicate my remaining resources to the most peaceful and reliable CTB possible.

 

[Weebster]

My bus driver was drunk and drove off a bridge.

 

[Depressed hamster]

Certain events get in the way, like I don't want to ruin my parents' anniversary or my friend's birthday
Certain events get in the way, like I don't want to ruin my parents' anniversary or my friend's birthday

 

[Cosmic dust]

I am scared. I am lazy. There is still a little bit of hope. I keep finding little things I can do, like finish watching the current season of a show.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Decided to make amends to someone I had hurt deeply, she actually replied and surprisingly seems like the only one who will wish me well off of this site. I don't want to hurt her more but I can't stay. But I want to try to give her and other people here proper goodbyes since they've helped me immensely and deserve to be told that before I go. I regret not going though. Now I'm stuck through the day since I don't have enough time before I'd be found, also need to finish goodbyes.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

Trying to figure out a way to do so without hurting my loved ones. That's just impossible though, so, I dunno.

 

[pikku.tiikeri]

I'm a coward.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Fighting through SI and guilt. I also have to acquire the stuff for SN. Other than that, I am not tethered to being alive.

 

[Lalari!!]

Scared of what comes after and mainly trying to plan it to hurt the least my family and friends. I've been being distant with all of them for a while so it will be less painful for them

 

[FuneralCry]

I am only still alive as suicide is so difficult, for me there is the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure. There is nothing that could ever make me want to live and I simply prefer the sound of non existence. If I could peacefully pass away in my sleep, then I would. Death is all that I want, as it is the end to all pain and suffering.

 

[Symbiote]

I can go at anytime, but I got some unfinished business to do on Earth. I'm in no rush to get off this planet, but I'm also not in a hurry to off myself either. I believe in myself that when the time comes, I'll be able to commit and do what is necessary without hesitation.

 

[suicidoll]

I've tried before and it didn't work out. Now I want to go about doing in in a different way, but I haven't gotten all of the materials yet. Additionally there are still lots of things I want to do before I go.

 

[JamieJambo]

Because Death is the scariest thing we could imagine. That means to wilfully do it to yourself is near the hardest thing you could ever do. I would rather live a happy life if I could.

 

[its-about-time]

It's hard to know. I feel determined, and I feel very distanced from the things that used to keep me alive, but I doubt myself. I'm just not sure enough yet that this is the right move. I often want to trick myself into taking my SN but at this stage I know I'd likely call for help, and I do not want another failed attempt, so I'm waiting until I'm fully committed.

 

[NotSureToEndure]

Guilt.. Timing.. Occasional feelings of hope.

 

[voyager98]

Keep waiting, thinking maybe something will change, maybe someone will love me and everything will be okay. It's a sick joke. I wish I were brave enough to just end it.

 

[whatevs]

I'm trying to get at least a C in the final exam of existence. So far I'm verging on a C-.

 

[Idontmatter]

My husband and a little bit of hope. I have sn stored away though so I can finally do it when it's the right time.

 

[BrokenLine]

Why? simple where I plan on doing it someone's been a nosey arse so had to put things on hold. But found out they're going on holiday very soon.
And now I don't know if I want to write what's led me here the highs and the recent lows. Expressing me realizing i was a useful idiot. To J, who didn't like me helping other people who needed help a lot more than she did. I was standing around doing nothing with her. Then sabotaged me a little after that.
I don't want a funeral because I'm dead and no one gave a fuck when I was alive and really don't want any fake grief being expressed. But also don't want to cause problems for anyone by doing a letter
That's my short story.

 

[Nyktalgia]

Things that are stopping me are SI, guilt and the fear of failing and ending up in an even worse situation...

 

[Al Cappella]

Because it's nearly summertime and I still have a shit ton of miles to run…literally

 

[Message In A Bottle]

I don't have N - if I did, I would be making plans to leave asap.

 

[now_or_never]

I don't have N, and the situation these days is bearable

 

[Sarros]

I'm trying to work out and get my dream body before I ctb.

 

[TheStateofCaliforni]

Waiting until i'm broke

 

[Bedrock48]

I was planning to last weekend, in the month or so leading up to it I was asking myself a bunch of questions about it amd came to realise that at least 1 person would not handle my passing especially with the current stresses they are under. Thus, I decide to push through the pain and try to carry on a little longer.

Other than that the usual SI, the potentially false hope of a better future and general lack of motivation do still interfere.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

Waiting until i'm broke

Unrelated but I like your avatar

 

[lyles]

It depends, really, but the core of it is that I don't want to hurt my family the way I know they will be by my death. I don't want them to be in pain. On the better, or good days, it is because I have some attachment and happiness I can find in what I do and experience. But I know that unless I die through some accident I will kill myself eventually. This longing to die has been here too long and too strong.

 

[beautifulinception]

I've already tried a few times, and failed for various reasons ranging from a lack of courage to terrible (or great, depending on your perspective) luck. Mostly I've hung on because I know it would cause pain to people I care about. Partly because completing the task is actually pretty hard.

Barring occasional accidents while someone tests their chosen method and prepares themselves, the majority of people have to be extremely determined in order to be successful. I think non-suicidal people really don't understand the level of determination required, or else they wouldn't be so quick to judge people so harshly.