Discussion Why getting close to people on SS may be a problem if you’re going to CTB soon.

[HorribleFeelings1]

I wanna say first that this doesn't apply to everyone at all. Being emotionally held hostage is one of the worst feelings, not being able to leave without the pain of hurting others.

when I CTB, I want to minimize the pain as much as possible for everyone. It already hurts a lot to know I'm going to bring a lot of pain to my family, especially my mom, I'm going to be taking a part of her when I die. during the past months, I made sure I wouldn't get attached to people or close to them so when I CTB, the pain won't be as great.

I wish I get close to a lot of SS members here and I tried in the beginning but I realized the consequences of doing so when I'm gonna CTB soon is making them suffer, depending on how close you are to them. It may even end up worse, they can CTB as well because of you.

I don't know it's all my opinion tbh and it may not apply to anyone at all lol, feel free to change my mind or just drop opinions

 

[PrettyMoose]

Yeah I feel the same way. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore than I have to when I exit. Getting close to people will just cause more hurt in the end.

 

[mathieu]

Idk, it's sad when people go but also happy because they're not suffering anymore.

 

[fantasy_function]

haven't been on ss 4 long but when i read threads of people who've ctb n posted about it, the people who've talked w em prior seemed like they'd miss em, but understood n respected their decision. it's ok 2 reach out 2 people on here if u want company, i think most of em would be equally understanding if u decide 2 make a final exit

 

[Red]

Agreed... Not getting close to people on here seems crazy when it seems to be the most supportive and accepting place in the world right now. It's all very sad but knowing you've offered (and received!) some understanding and compassion in both their and your darkest days is something to be treasured, whatever the end.
I'd be floundering a lot harder without these connections right now.
And also, CTB isn't a solid conclusion for some. I've spoken to others on here about treatment options, little tricks and tools to help pain and have eased some of the loneliness that makes us so prone to wanting to CTB. A little human connection is sometimes all you need to keep going a bit longer

 

[K-O]

fuck
its been on my mind and heart this week so much!
i love my new friends here !
and experienced a first goodby..
ive been here 1 month today
its a sanctuary and also a heartbreak..
its a micro cosmos
a diamond in the ruff.. ( @enjolras )
this if my first social media experience and want to say to everyone here i wish you love peace and self freedom!
thank you my friends and thank you familiar avatrs that i havent had the pleasure and thank you past users that threads are still here and we keep them alive xx
and thank you molly r- @HorribleFeelings1 even u r familiar and we haven't talked..
and you all make my days better..
no pain no gain \ game ...
x

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

fuck
its been on my mind and heart this week so much!
i love my new friend here !
and experienced a first goodby..
ive been here 1 month today
its a sanctuary and also a heartbreak..
its a micro cosmos
a diamond in the ruff.. ( @enjolras )
this if my first social media experience and want to say to everyone here i wish you love peace and self freedom!
thank you my friends and thank you familiar avatrs that i havent had the pleasure and thank you past users that threads are still here and we keep them alive xx
and thank you molly r- @HorribleFeelings1 even u r familiar and we haven't talked..
and you all make my days better..
no pain no gain \ game ...
x

Much love

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Yeah I know what you mean. It's hard for me as I have no in person friends. No one seems to want to be friends with an autistic person. So on here where I can be myself, have the same goals in common and just talk about nonsense is liberating. It's then really hard to lose that person and I know it's my own fault for becoming friends with them but it's the only way to feel wanted in this world and not feel like a piece of shit all the time.

 

[Red]

I like autistic people, generally no bullshit - straight n to the point :D

 

[autumnal]

I wanna say first that this doesn't apply to everyone at all. Being emotionally held hostage is one of the worst feelings, not being able to leave without the pain of hurting others.

when I CTB, I want to minimize the pain as much as possible for everyone. It already hurts a lot to know I'm going to bring a lot of pain to my family, especially my mom, I'm going to be taking a part of her when I die. during the past months, I made sure I wouldn't get attached to people or close to them so when I CTB, the pain won't be as great.

I wish I get close to a lot of SS members here and I tried in the beginning but I realized the consequences of doing so when I'm gonna CTB soon is making them suffer, depending on how close you are to them. It may even end up worse, they can CTB as well because of you.

I don't know it's all my opinion tbh and it may not apply to anyone at all lol, feel free to change my mind or just drop opinions

The one important distinction between normal people and SS members is that any friendship with us is based on the founding premise that suicide is very likely. So right from the start, there is the opportunity to prepare for and understand this possibility. Furthermore, such a friendship differs from a real-world one in that both parties can discuss their suicidality openly, and so the reasons for that final outcome are well understood and fully justified in the mind of the person left behind. Again, this contrasts with your real-world friends who are often surprised and shocked at a decision to suicide. I'd also suggest that this distinction means your SS friends are less likely to commit suicide as a result from the trauma of your own suicide. They are course still likely to commit their own suicide as they had always planned, but not with your death as a causative factor.

 

[enjolras]

fuck
its been on my mind and heart this week so much!
i love my new friends here !
and experienced a first goodby..
ive been here 1 month today
its a sanctuary and also a heartbreak..
its a micro cosmos
a diamond in the ruff.. ( @enjolras )
this if my first social media experience and want to say to everyone here i wish you love peace and self freedom!
thank you my friends and thank you familiar avatrs that i havent had the pleasure and thank you past users that threads are still here and we keep them alive xx
and thank you molly r- @HorribleFeelings1 even u r familiar and we haven't talked..
and you all make my days better..
no pain no gain \ game ...
x

micro cosmos. if it's a typo, it is lovely. love that extends ! SS is a world within a world. wish we could all meet again (well, the ones who click) in fractal universes, even not material but about spirit/energy

I back up the gratitude and adhere to the "no pain no gain / game" revelation

@HorribleFeelings1 I would not worry to induce suffering from separation in people, but it's nice from you to worry, it shows your empathy. When you're hurt from a loss, it means what happened prior was valuable. It's a good kind of suffering that cannot be prevented and should not be fought. It testifies that what was lived, the persons met were worth it, worth the hassle. It's the extra mile to pay that justifies the rest was right. I too will be devastated when/if many of you'll go, I won't replace anyone and I'll remember the good times and feelings that were transmitted before. It's possible to feel weak and strong / empowered at the same time. the memories constructed with people crossed can survive time
Consequently, I will disapprove your supposition : the continuous nice fellows at SS made me want to live MORE, with or without them around, whether their contagion was barely noticeable or a high temptation. I'll carry bouts of their personality with me, whether I decide to live or die

there's a lyric from a John Frusciante song which I adore : "Be careful of what you are, what you see is just a small part. You must look for yourself into others"
It's happening to me now, these days. I feel more whole thanks to other members who gifted me with bricks of wisdom. I'm connecting to other parts of my inner self which I had lost sight with for too long or discover new facets.
there's a french poet (Paul Eluard) who said : "there's no chance, only rendez-vous/meetings"
families are temporary but the effects of impregnation can be longlasting. I won't regret a single minute the lovely souls encountered here, even if I cry my heart out (I will!) while fearing I missed out to get more juice squeezed outta them. Every small part is good to take, that's what I'll remember and it will help me to go on. If I lose these persons - for many, I will - I will search for their aura into others and other things. They will have granted me a precious glorious envy to taste/bite their presence, whether it translates into a kind of general hope or searching again for brief happiness. Even if it never happens again, I'm keeping the trade
don't feel sad and think about yourself

 

[oneside]

I feel exactly the same... I don't know how to manage friendships when I'm about to die.

 

[Notabadguy]

Your family will be devastated. SS is not family.

 

[deadpixels]

How not to get attached to people here!? Out there, in the "real" world, everybody look like robots, like ants carrying their duties without caring for anything else, all interactions and relationships feel artificial, people look like they're all the same.
But here, it's so much different, everybody feels like a real person, everybody here is unique, I can identify most posters without even looking at the username or avatar. The people here are much more humane than the people out there, much more truthful as well.

I feel bad for the people who CTB, but I always remember myself that I will be there as well. I agree with @autumnal, we're here knowing from the very beginning that anyone may ctb at anytime, including ourselves. To be fair, it's true for friendships in the real world as well, isn't it? Everybody may die at any time, but we live in denial of our mortality.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I forgot to mention that it has happened to me and my friends here before, when one of us have said "I am going to CTB soon" the people they are close to panic and start to breakdown, panic and go as far as saying "if you CTB right not then I will CTB", that's why I kinda made the thread but again, it doesn't apply it everyone

 

[deadpixels]

I forgot to mention that it has happened to me and my friends here before, when one of us have said "I am going to CTB soon" the people they are close to panic and start to breakdown, panic and go as far as saying "if you CTB right not then I will CTB"

Oh, now I understand what you meant by being emotionally held hostage... now I understand your post.. sorry...

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

Oh, now I understand what you meant by being emotionally held hostage... now I understand your post.. sorry...

Oh it's ok! lol I wasn't targeting you or anything, I guess it's my fault for wording it wrong if that's the issue

 

[Let'sgetoutofHERE]

I wanna say first that this doesn't apply to everyone at all. Being emotionally held hostage is one of the worst feelings, not being able to leave without the pain of hurting others.

when I CTB, I want to minimize the pain as much as possible for everyone. It already hurts a lot to know I'm going to bring a lot of pain to my family, especially my mom, I'm going to be taking a part of her when I die. during the past months, I made sure I wouldn't get attached to people or close to them so when I CTB, the pain won't be as great.

I wish I get close to a lot of SS members here and I tried in the beginning but I realized the consequences of doing so when I'm gonna CTB soon is making them suffer, depending on how close you are to them. It may even end up worse, they can CTB as well because of you.

I don't know it's all my opinion tbh and it may not apply to anyone at all lol, feel free to change my mind or just drop opinions

I can relate, when I decided to kill myself I slowly cut ties with everybody because I didn't want to hurt them and also because I didn't want to deal with relationship/friendship struggles anymore
Now I have doubts concerning CTB (although I probably will do it sooner or later) and I hardly have any friends any more haha

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It's hard to not get close to people when you share such a strange and marginalised understanding. It's one of the reasons people stay here, those relationships.
But yes, it comes at a price, and that is the pain felt when losing someone. That pain is usually felt regardless of any acceptance and understanding.
On here, as in all life, everything comes with a cost. And that loss is the price you pay for the friendships and compassion you may find here.
There is no way around this, unless you keep distant. Some people do this and are here for purely practical reasons and that's fine. Many want some connection. The deeper that connection, the worse the suffering when it is severed.
And yes, I speak as someone who has had a close connection and had that connection severed. It hurt a great deal and I still feel the sadness, but I don't regret the relationship at all.