A conflux of different reasons.
I'm mentally ill, which makes doing a lot of basic things more difficult than it should be. And it's not even really because of the mental illness itself. It's all fully manageable, I just don't want to get better. I don't care.
And even if I wasn't mentally ill, I'm still an aging burnout who can't stop wasting time and making bad decisions. I'm a soft, incurious person with no drive to do or create anything meaningful. Even in a more generous world, my prospects would be slim.
And even if I'm just being hard on myself and my prospects aren't as slim as I think, I see where we're all heading and what we're becoming, and I can't bear to watch or be a part of it. I'm not getting into politics, mainly because I don't really give a shit anymore, but certain suspicions I've had about the trajectory of our society have been confirmed at a rapid pace over the past year.
It's too much. I just want it to end.