SolomonKado
This is taking too long…
- Jul 4, 2023
- 424
This year I snapped. One last bad thing to put me over the top and even then it got worse. The ones who said they were there for me had stipulations I didn't know about.
At first everything was okay until I started talking about wanting it all to be over. As soon as I started talking like that they told me they didn't want to hear it. Even the therapist kept changing the subject to "you've got to change the way you think about things." I did that for my whole life sayings "things will get better" and I've hit my breaking point. I don't have the capacity for that type of thinking and just want to vent. It's like everyone was trying to shut me up. Which led me to searching for methods. Luckily I looked up the failure rate of my sleeping pills because I would have hated surviving. Thankfully I was led here with a community of people who are hurting and just trying to find a path to take whichever it is.
People can be mad at SaSu, but what they don't realize is they sent us here by not listening the way we needed. I've also tried a lot of things to get better and I feel from therapy, medications, rehab, AA, etc and the only thing that kept knocking me back down was I was trying to get better and the world didn't even want to try.
I have a friend of mine that hates where they are right now and an alcoholic. When I bring up therapy they says "no I'm fine." So I have to get better, but you won't try?
I kept trying until the world became too much and its lack of getting better helped me choose which way to go. The only way I'd be saved right now is if I win a large lottery and buy an island so I can be alone. To be away from what this world is. If people are going to only help me the way they want and not the way I need them I want to be alone. Atleast here people understand.
Sorry my posts are so long, but I have 40+ years of pain and trauma that's swirling around inside of me. I don't make my choice lightly. I've lived my life and this is still where I've ended up.
At first everything was okay until I started talking about wanting it all to be over. As soon as I started talking like that they told me they didn't want to hear it. Even the therapist kept changing the subject to "you've got to change the way you think about things." I did that for my whole life sayings "things will get better" and I've hit my breaking point. I don't have the capacity for that type of thinking and just want to vent. It's like everyone was trying to shut me up. Which led me to searching for methods. Luckily I looked up the failure rate of my sleeping pills because I would have hated surviving. Thankfully I was led here with a community of people who are hurting and just trying to find a path to take whichever it is.
People can be mad at SaSu, but what they don't realize is they sent us here by not listening the way we needed. I've also tried a lot of things to get better and I feel from therapy, medications, rehab, AA, etc and the only thing that kept knocking me back down was I was trying to get better and the world didn't even want to try.
I have a friend of mine that hates where they are right now and an alcoholic. When I bring up therapy they says "no I'm fine." So I have to get better, but you won't try?
I kept trying until the world became too much and its lack of getting better helped me choose which way to go. The only way I'd be saved right now is if I win a large lottery and buy an island so I can be alone. To be away from what this world is. If people are going to only help me the way they want and not the way I need them I want to be alone. Atleast here people understand.
Sorry my posts are so long, but I have 40+ years of pain and trauma that's swirling around inside of me. I don't make my choice lightly. I've lived my life and this is still where I've ended up.
