Misery99
Student
- May 12, 2020
- 197
People suddenly die from the road accidents all the time. I have read such incidents of young and happy people in their teenage years or early 20s suddenly ended up being dead because of the road accidents. But the difference is they probably had no intention to die and it all had happened suddenly. But I wonder what could have been their last thoughts. Maybe sudden fear or extreme confusion. It's strange anyway.
The only reason why I had not ctb yet because as a person who feel panicked easily, I need a method which doesn't make me stay conscious long enough for me to feel regret about my decision and make me feel panicked. And I don't need a gruesome or bloody method to ctb. It should be something peaceful and calming. But those kind of methods are extremely rare and even if they are available, not everyone can get access to them. And also not having a clear clue about what really happens after the death also makes me feel bit hesitant...so it's the fear of unknown...
But this life I have now doesn't seem to get better anyway...and what I have to deal in this life is having high functioning Autism and it's not something curable. I was never able to be fully independent in the life because of that. And people don't understand what it's like to be someone like me. They probably think that I'm too lazy or unmotivated to drive or get a job. So maybe it's worth to step to the unknown. It could be more peaceful than what I have going on now. But I have yet to find a clear way to ctb without making a mess.
The only reason why I had not ctb yet because as a person who feel panicked easily, I need a method which doesn't make me stay conscious long enough for me to feel regret about my decision and make me feel panicked. And I don't need a gruesome or bloody method to ctb. It should be something peaceful and calming. But those kind of methods are extremely rare and even if they are available, not everyone can get access to them. And also not having a clear clue about what really happens after the death also makes me feel bit hesitant...so it's the fear of unknown...
But this life I have now doesn't seem to get better anyway...and what I have to deal in this life is having high functioning Autism and it's not something curable. I was never able to be fully independent in the life because of that. And people don't understand what it's like to be someone like me. They probably think that I'm too lazy or unmotivated to drive or get a job. So maybe it's worth to step to the unknown. It could be more peaceful than what I have going on now. But I have yet to find a clear way to ctb without making a mess.
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