Why do I want to hurt myself so bad?

[HitBlackVein]

Life got better, a little bit to say at least, i am not as suicidal and I still have hope. I am kind of better? I still cut myself, smoke, not let myself sleep, starve. Just because I want to harm myself, why is this happening when I am happy? It feels so natural to do it, it's hard for me when I am happy for the next day while holding a bloody blade in my hand. It feels like something I should do

 

[Seven Threads]

Hey there, HitBlackVein. I'm glad to hear things are going a little bit better for you, though I imagine the urge to keep hurting yourself despite that has got to be incredibly confusing.

Generally speaking, when people fall into a habitual cycle of self harm, it's usually because the act of inflicting that harm fulfills some sort of need that isn't otherwise being met. Some people do it because hurting themselves allows them to feel something when they're otherwise numb. Some have severe guilt issues, and the punishment of self harm helps them resolve or escape from those feelings. For some, it legitimately feels 'good' for some reason, and provides a tactile or emotional reward they can't get any other way. There's always a reason.

If you're still harming yourself despite being generally happier, then that act of harming yourself is doing something for you. It may be worth trying to figure out exactly what that something is. How exactly does hurting yourself make you feel happy? Why do you find it satisfying? If you can narrow down exactly what sort of need is being met by it, you can begin to try and find healthier alternatives to fulfill that need.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that you have to go through so much pain in your life. As long as you still have hope that things can change to the better way then it's not too late and there is a chance! Wish you all the best!

 

[HitBlackVein]

Hey there, HitBlackVein. I'm glad to hear things are going a little bit better for you, though I imagine the urge to keep hurting yourself despite that has got to be incredibly confusing.

Generally speaking, when people fall into a habitual cycle of self harm, it's usually because the act of inflicting that harm fulfills some sort of need that isn't otherwise being met. Some people do it because hurting themselves allows them to feel something when they're otherwise numb. Some have severe guilt issues, and the punishment of self harm helps them resolve or escape from those feelings. For some, it legitimately feels 'good' for some reason, and provides a tactile or emotional reward they can't get any other way. There's always a reason.

If you're still harming yourself despite being generally happier, then that act of harming yourself is doing something for you. It may be worth trying to figure out exactly what that something is. How exactly does hurting yourself make you feel happy? Why do you find it satisfying? If you can narrow down exactly what sort of need is being met by it, you can begin to try and find healthier alternatives to fulfill that need.

I don't really feel good when I do this, I just want to see myself wrecked. I feel like I deserve this, like this is something I should do

 

[SpiderLink]

Life got better, a little bit to say at least, i am not as suicidal and I still have hope. I am kind of better? I still cut myself, smoke, not let myself sleep, starve. Just because I want to harm myself, why is this happening when I am happy? It feels so natural to do it, it's hard for me when I am happy for the next day while holding a bloody blade in my hand. It feels like something I should do

Personally for me, I feel it hard to believe when I'm happy and so I self sabotage myself, I'm so used to being in pain. It's almost like muscle memory, it just comes naturally (at least that's how I think of it). I think "HAPPY" by NF might speak to u, give it a listen. But I'm glad things r better for u!!