Why do horrible things happen to good people. My situation- chronich torturing illness

[Stopthepain]

Hey guys,

I am severly sick for 3 years. Every seocond is torture and hell.. is suffrer from Depression and strange psychosomatic Sensations in my body since i was 13. 3 years ago and had a breakdown due to a bad reactions to an antidepressants and sever stress.. my brain is just Fried,
I suffer from:
Chronich Dissociation
Sever Depression Transmitter Swings
Complete Emotional Numbness
Agony pain all over my whole body
Severe pressure in my body
Feeling like i choke every sec, hardcore problems breathing
Brain deadness, everything is a blurr.. i cant think like a normal Person .. i feel like a zombie
My body is so stiff i cant move proberbly, it is like a qm paralyzed physical mentally and emotionally

Every breath hurts, it is hard to talk. It feels impossible to exist.
I gave 3 years all i had but i dont recover. And I have enough.

Sadly I lost all faith- i was a pretty good Person. Sensible, respectful and kindhearted. I always hoped there is something Bigger than us in life. But now i see everything/life is only a gamble.
The Biggesee idiots, assholes that only care about themself can stay in their arrogant Position keep living happily till the end with the end whilst they never reflect on their behaviour and life. And sensible empathatic people struggle so hard. Get besten down my Depression everday. And suffer till the end while they still try to help people and understand their pain. This life fucked me over so brutally hard that I dont see any bigger meaning in life at all anymore. The purpose of life is just to enjoy it. If you are too sick and only feel pain and agony life seems nothing that is worth Holding on at all just for the reason to exist.
I already know I have to cbd. But it hurts to have lost the faith in anything before. I just wonder why stay in this game after u have already lost the gamble.
Dont get me wrong i thing life can be beautyful. If you not get fucked by all the horrible Things that can happen to someone. I am 26, i had some good times even tho it was never easy for me. I was not born into a good loving family. Tho i think i developed into a good empathatic Person i was proud of. I had good relationships found love and Studied. I wanted to become a therapist to help people that were diffrent like me and struggling being in a World full of ignorant blind Robots and mental alienations.
But know i am pretty much completly disabled and can only Think about death and ending my pain.

It s really hard for me. Cause i found some incredible people in my life.. and i have to leave them already forever. But i cant feel any human connection or take part in their lifes anymore anyways.
I only can hope there comes something better after this life. I dont think so but is i all can hope for anymore.
I just cant stay in this hell of existence without any future. This life is not worth it.

I am looking forward to hear your thoughts.

P.S please dont reject my Post. It is rly hard for me to write. My last Post was Rejected and it was rly a slap in the face.
Thanks

 

[sanguineblade]

Life is really a gamble unfortunately.
Unfair

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I've not heard of posts getting rejected. That's odd and shitty. Your health problems sound really fucking horrible. I hope they are giving you benzos at least to feel a bit more calm.

It's all truly unfair. Do you have a way to do it?

 

[Stopthepain]

I alread have N.

I've not heard of posts getting rejected. That's odd and shitty. Your health problems sound really fucking horrible. I hope they are giving you benzos at least to feel a bit more calm.

It's all truly unfair. Do you have a way to do it?

Yea. I was taking benzos for 2 years. But they only make me more sick long term. I have N cause there is no Euthanasia even for hardcore sick people in my country .. ridicilous to let people ratjer stay in chronicj agony than just ending Their suffering

 

[demuic]

I'm sorry. Your situation sounds extremely painful. It seems there is nothing but chaos and tragedy in this life without any mercy.

 

[Wrennie]

Hey guys,

I am severly sick for 3 years. Every seocond is torture and hell.. is suffrer from Depression and strange psychosomatic Sensations in my body since i was 13. 3 years ago and had a breakdown due to a bad reactions to an antidepressants and sever stress.. my brain is just Fried,
I suffer from:
Chronich Dissociation
Sever Depression Transmitter Swings
Complete Emotional Numbness
Agony pain all over my whole body
Severe pressure in my body
Feeling like i choke every sec, hardcore problems breathing
Brain deadness, everything is a blurr.. i cant think like a normal Person .. i feel like a zombie
My body is so stiff i cant move proberbly, it is like a qm paralyzed physical mentally and emotionally

Every breath hurts, it is hard to talk. It feels impossible to exist.
I gave 3 years all i had but i dont recover. And I have enough.

Sadly I lost all faith- i was a pretty good Person. Sensible, respectful and kindhearted. I always hoped there is something Bigger than us in life. But now i see everything/life is only a gamble.
The Biggesee idiots, assholes that only care about themself can stay in their arrogant Position keep living happily till the end with the end whilst they never reflect on their behaviour and life. And sensible empathatic people struggle so hard. Get besten down my Depression everday. And suffer till the end while they still try to help people and understand their pain. This life fucked me over so brutally hard that I dont see any bigger meaning in life at all anymore. The purpose of life is just to enjoy it. If you are too sick and only feel pain and agony life seems nothing that is worth Holding on at all just for the reason to exist.
I already know I have to cbd. But it hurts to have lost the faith in anything before. I just wonder why stay in this game after u have already lost the gamble.
Dont get me wrong i thing life can be beautyful. If you not get fucked by all the horrible Things that can happen to someone. I am 26, i had some good times even tho it was never easy for me. I was not born into a good loving family. Tho i think i developed into a good empathatic Person i was proud of. I had good relationships found love and Studied. I wanted to become a therapist to help people that were diffrent like me and struggling being in a World full of ignorant blind Robots and mental alienations.
But know i am pretty much completly disabled and can only Think about death and ending my pain.

It s really hard for me. Cause i found some incredible people in my life.. and i have to leave them already forever. But i cant feel any human connection or take part in their lifes anymore anyways.
I only can hope there comes something better after this life. I dont think so but is i all can hope for anymore.
I just cant stay in this hell of existence without any future. This life is not worth it.

I am looking forward to hear your thoughts.

P.S please dont reject my Post. It is rly hard for me to write. My last Post was Rejected and it was rly a slap in the face.
Thanks

I completely understand where you're coming from. I too have a chronic pain condition, but it involves failure of my nervous system, and at one point the nerve pain got to be so ungodly & unbearably severe that I literally resorted to hardcore bashing my arms against the walls repeatedly until they went numb, and then I'd get a brief respite from the agony my nerves were inflicting upon me. I was hitting the wall with so much force it reverberated throughout my entire house. I'm surprised the bones in my arms didn't just up and shatter.

I just want you to know that you aren't alone. I'm only 24, and I dread at the start of each and every day which new variations of torture this life will inflict upon me. I went to the ER via ambulance twice, and they refused to even give me morphine. It was hard enough just to get a prescription for opiates - and I only got 6 pills. How is that supposed to last me? I have no idea.

Just sending hugs. I know it literally does nothing for you or your situation, but just know that I care.

 

[Midgardsorm]

Hi.

It seems you didn't were, you ARE a good, sensible, kindhearted and respectful person.
This is what pains me every time, what I see here is people like you being having lives completely destroyed through chronic pain and mental illness.

Know that you're not alone, everyone here has a history and every time it's a sad story that ultimately led then to seek peace through death. While I see jerks and idiots living their healthy lives.

It's good that you found good people in your life and yes, it pains to leave then behind. Some users here, myself include, lives entirely for others, like family and friends. But sometimes the pain becomes unbearable. It's simply impossible to carry on.

I don't know what path you will seek. N is like the sweetest remedy for all our troubles, quick and painless. If you decide to use it, I hope you have a safe travel and find the well deserved peace you're looking for.

But I'm a bit curious about your breathing problems. If you don't mind me asking, how is this sense of breathlessness you have? Your oxygen rate decreases? What the doctors said?
I'm sorry for the questions, I suffer from breathlessness too and was about (And yet may) end my life because of it. I know how it is, it deprives us from simply staying still, enjoy a good sleep and everything. I was curious about how it is for you.

In any case, your account might be new, so I guess I can't send you a pm. But we may chat here if you'd like. I'm here to listen if you need.

I wish you peace.

 

[Versailles]

Why do horrible things happen to good people?
Because life, circumstances and journeys is the most random thing that can exist, regardless of whether you are good or not, no one is exempt from going through terrible things, the only difference is that the person who was good will probably get some help from others. people with whom he was a good person (in some cases it usually happens the other way around, in short, you don't have to think about it much).

I'm sorry what's happening to you

 

[Stopthepain]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I too have a chronic pain condition, but it involves failure of my nervous system, and at one point the nerve pain got to be so ungodly & unbearably severe that I literally resorted to hardcore bashing my arms against the walls repeatedly until they went numb, and then I'd get a brief respite from the agony my nerves were inflicting upon me. I was hitting the wall with so much force it reverberated throughout my entire house. I'm surprised the bones in my arms didn't just up and shatter.

I just want you to know that you aren't alone. I'm only 24, and I dread at the start of each and every day which new variations of torture this life will inflict upon me. I went to the ER via ambulance twice, and they refused to even give me morphine. It was hard enough just to get a prescription for opiates - and I only got 6 pills. How is that supposed to last me? I have no idea.

Just sending hugs. I know it literally does nothing for you or your situation, but just know that I care.

Hey, fuck. This Sounds horrible too. It is a disgusting existence when everything u do gets fucked up by a horrible illness..
It is not living .. we just exist.. and life Passes is by..

 

[AintNoWayOut]

because god is a lie

 

[FuneralCry]

Life is a cruel and terrible thing and there is unlimited potential for suffering. That is why I see it as better to never be born in the first place, we were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced into this world. We all deserve an option of euthanasia, it is cruel how society expects people to suffer for decades. I'm sorry you are suffering so much, I hope you can find the peace that you are looking for.

 

[toforigivelife]

Hey guys,

I am severly sick for 3 years. Every seocond is torture and hell.. is suffrer from Depression and strange psychosomatic Sensations in my body since i was 13. 3 years ago and had a breakdown due to a bad reactions to an antidepressants and sever stress.. my brain is just Fried,
I suffer from:
Chronich Dissociation
Sever Depression Transmitter Swings
Complete Emotional Numbness
Agony pain all over my whole body
Severe pressure in my body
Feeling like i choke every sec, hardcore problems breathing
Brain deadness, everything is a blurr.. i cant think like a normal Person .. i feel like a zombie
My body is so stiff i cant move proberbly, it is like a qm paralyzed physical mentally and emotionally

Every breath hurts, it is hard to talk. It feels impossible to exist.
I gave 3 years all i had but i dont recover. And I have enough.

Sadly I lost all faith- i was a pretty good Person. Sensible, respectful and kindhearted. I always hoped there is something Bigger than us in life. But now i see everything/life is only a gamble.
The Biggesee idiots, assholes that only care about themself can stay in their arrogant Position keep living happily till the end with the end whilst they never reflect on their behaviour and life. And sensible empathatic people struggle so hard. Get besten down my Depression everday. And suffer till the end while they still try to help people and understand their pain. This life fucked me over so brutally hard that I dont see any bigger meaning in life at all anymore. The purpose of life is just to enjoy it. If you are too sick and only feel pain and agony life seems nothing that is worth Holding on at all just for the reason to exist.
I already know I have to cbd. But it hurts to have lost the faith in anything before. I just wonder why stay in this game after u have already lost the gamble.
Dont get me wrong i thing life can be beautyful. If you not get fucked by all the horrible Things that can happen to someone. I am 26, i had some good times even tho it was never easy for me. I was not born into a good loving family. Tho i think i developed into a good empathatic Person i was proud of. I had good relationships found love and Studied. I wanted to become a therapist to help people that were diffrent like me and struggling being in a World full of ignorant blind Robots and mental alienations.
But know i am pretty much completly disabled and can only Think about death and ending my pain.

It s really hard for me. Cause i found some incredible people in my life.. and i have to leave them already forever. But i cant feel any human connection or take part in their lifes anymore anyways.
I only can hope there comes something better after this life. I dont think so but is i all can hope for anymore.
I just cant stay in this hell of existence without any future. This life is not worth it.

I am looking forward to hear your thoughts.

P.S please dont reject my Post. It is rly hard for me to write. My last Post was Rejected and it was rly a slap in the face.
Thanks

Whether or not to ctb is ultimately up to you.

This is just my opinion but it does sound as though your quality of life has been severely compromised. Personally, if I were in your position and was unable to find a solution as far as managing the pain and illness that you are dealing with I would probably start making plans to end my life.

You are obviously a very good-hearted person. Your desire to help others in spite of your illness and all of hardships and setbacks you have been dealing with is really beautiful. You're a compassionate, kind person and I'm truly sorry for your suffering.

You're not wrong to want to end your life. Wanting to end your pain does not make you a bad person. Wanting to leave such a painful existence is perfectly natural.

As I said, ultimately you will make the ultimate decision regarding your quality of life and you will decide if catching the bus is what is best for you. I understand the anguish that comes with wanting to end your life and being conflicted about ending your life.

In your case, I wouldn't even view it as a suicide but as having died from an illness.

I hope I don't sound like I'm encouraging you to ctb.

You're obviously a kind person and I just wanted to make it clear that given all that you are enduring that wanting to end your suffering does not lower your worth as a human being.

I wish there was a miracle cure for all of your problems and I'm sending you good wishes as far as finding a way to deal with your symptoms and improve your quality of life.

But if, in the end, you feel that catching the bus is what is truly best for you then I respect your decision and wish you a peaceful journey.

Truly wishing you love and peace, in whatever decision you come to.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

I'm happy that you have N.

 

[Stopthepain]

Whether or not to ctb is ultimately up to you.

This is just my opinion but it does sound as though your quality of life has been severely compromised. Personally, if I were in your position and was unable to find a solution as far as managing the pain and illness that you are dealing with I would probably start making plans to end my life.

You are obviously a very good-hearted person. Your desire to help others in spite of your illness and all of hardships and setbacks you have been dealing with is really beautiful. You're a compassionate, kind person and I'm truly sorry for your suffering.

You're not wrong to want to end your life. Wanting to end your pain does not make you a bad person. Wanting to leave such a painful existence is perfectly natural.

As I said, ultimately you will make the ultimate decision regarding your quality of life and you will decide if catching the bus is what is best for you. I understand the anguish that comes with wanting to end your life and being conflicted about ending your life.

In your case, I wouldn't even view it as a suicide but as having died from an illness.

I hope I don't sound like I'm encouraging you to ctb.

You're obviously a kind person and I just wanted to make it clear that given all that you are enduring that wanting to end your suffering does not lower your worth as a human being.

I wish there was a miracle cure for all of your problems and I'm sending you good wishes as far as finding a way to deal with your symptoms and improve your quality of life.

But if, in the end, you feel that catching the bus is what is truly best for you then I respect your decision and wish you a peaceful journey.

Truly wishing you love and peace, in whatever decision you come to.

Hey thanks for your answer. But it would still be suicide, but rational suicide I guess..
I think most people end their lifes because of an illness. Even if it is because of Depression, nobody would say it was no suicide, the Depression killed him. And i think most people who rly follow through their ctb Plans are suffering from a illness (mental or physical) that pushes them over our SI. I dont think much healthy people ctb.