suicidepanda
delightfully dreadful
- Sep 25, 2023
- 39
( VENT )
I don't understand why I'm always asking for advice, yet never take it. I find myself sinking deeper back into my previous problems, and latching onto other people for support and help.
I know I can't keep doing this, because it drains people. I know others can only handle so much.
As someone with the social incapabilities that I have, it's so exhausting trying to form connections with other people. When I do form connections with people, and they leave, I'm absolutely destroyed and torn. I become obsessive and stalk them everywhere, staring at my screen for hours waiting for messages. I just can't seem to distract myself.
I just can't do this anymore. I continue to compare myself to other people, and their problems, and undermine my own.
Earlier today, I was speaking with my mother, and she asked me to please "not do anything that will make all of our lives more difficult."
Why do people say these things? I'll never understand. Why don't I have the freedom In my life I deserve? And more importantly, why do they hate me so much for wanting to relieve myself of all this pain? for wanting help, even if it's in the least pleasant way. I can't just be cured. Is that not common sense?
Life is so incredibly painful right now. And not just for me, for everyone I know. But I don't think that gives anyone an excuse to deny someone of their right to end their own life, especially if it's selfishly just because of their own feelings about it.
I love my family, but if they can't eventually realize that I am just trying to end all the pain and suffering, were they really loving me unconditionally?
I don't know, I just wanted to get some feelings out.
I don't understand why I'm always asking for advice, yet never take it. I find myself sinking deeper back into my previous problems, and latching onto other people for support and help.
I know I can't keep doing this, because it drains people. I know others can only handle so much.
As someone with the social incapabilities that I have, it's so exhausting trying to form connections with other people. When I do form connections with people, and they leave, I'm absolutely destroyed and torn. I become obsessive and stalk them everywhere, staring at my screen for hours waiting for messages. I just can't seem to distract myself.
I just can't do this anymore. I continue to compare myself to other people, and their problems, and undermine my own.
Earlier today, I was speaking with my mother, and she asked me to please "not do anything that will make all of our lives more difficult."
Why do people say these things? I'll never understand. Why don't I have the freedom In my life I deserve? And more importantly, why do they hate me so much for wanting to relieve myself of all this pain? for wanting help, even if it's in the least pleasant way. I can't just be cured. Is that not common sense?
Life is so incredibly painful right now. And not just for me, for everyone I know. But I don't think that gives anyone an excuse to deny someone of their right to end their own life, especially if it's selfishly just because of their own feelings about it.
I love my family, but if they can't eventually realize that I am just trying to end all the pain and suffering, were they really loving me unconditionally?
I don't know, I just wanted to get some feelings out.
