Does your husband know about what happened and the impact it had on you?
You can get past this. It's possible. Don't less some perv ruin you. Being raped is horrid, I totally get that and my intention isn't to downplay it. It's clearly impacted you in the worst way. Don't know if you've been able to speak it through with anyone supportive but I do know that people in support positions aren't always as cut out for their role so if you have had professional support and it hasn't worked I would implore you not to give up just yet. Mainly because I can say categorically that your worth isn't reflected in the actions of a rapist. It's not you that is worthless! You have nothing to be ashamed of. More than anything I don't think it's just or fair for someone that took that moment from you to ultimately (effectively) take yoye life. Don't give them that! They don't deserve it. Though they deserve to be held to account for it.
I'm self conscious about being patronising or preachy. I want to avoid that because I know its counter productive. I'm just saying what I think needs to be said in case you haven't heard it yet for whatever reason. It would be helpful to you if you can talk through, honestly, why it makes you feel the ways it does so that the right person can explain to you what you really need to hear deep down. You need to have it explained to you in a way that convinces you that your feelings, whilst entirely valid, are actually condemning you unfairly. I'm not a big fan of psych meds but for some they do work. Don't know if you've already been there. It seems like, from accounts I've read that the people it really works for are people (otherwise healthy) stuck in a gloom much like yourself and they use it for a short period which allows them breathing room to rise above the issue they face and swim their way out of it as a result. When you're stuck in that place it's hard to zoom out and see the bigger picture. Perhaps the right support and maybe meds would help do that for you.
I guess it depends what you already tried but if fucking sucks to imagine someone with their health and a family taking their life because of the actions of some selfish self serving prick/s. I'll say it again, they don't define you. You are separate from that act. If you can do it, think of it like this. That act wasn't you. You weren't complicit in it. It was just an action much like tripping over, getting your foot stepped or being verbally abused. It happened and it wasn't fair but it ended and the only way it lives on is if you keep it alive. Killing yourself over it will make it live on for the rest of your childrens lives and it doesn't deserve that power.
I would also suggest getting even if that's possible. I mean legally. Was the person charged? It wouldn't be healthy for me to suggest getting even 'physically' whatever that would intail but I personally, if it were me, wouldn't quite rule it out. Maybe save it for a last hurrah if legal preceedings and 'therapy' didn't help.
Rapist are scum! Rape victims are not!
Found my adopted brother just for him to blow me off 
