I'm incapable of making friends or even being in a relationship. My social anxiety prevents me from leaving my house and those around me are unaware of how I feel because I struggle to express myself. The one person I did open up too ended up betraying me, making my life much more painful and now i have no friends, no future career paths and a fucked up mentality. To say that I'm going through a rough patch is an understatement, I've been dealing with this for over 4 years and now I'm getting told that I am too young and still have a chance.
I was born a fuck up and will die a fuck up. I'm ugly, have zero self-esteem and continue to wallow in my own self pity every night. The times when I am not asleep I am thinking about death and avoiding the problems that are in my life. I'm a feeble pussy that belongs burried 6 feet under where I can no longer hurt others.
I'm slaving away editing videos for a Youtuber who I couldn't give a fuck about and getting paid fuck all for it. I'm sick of life, the bullshit it brings and the people that are dragged along with it. Now i can't even kill myself because the few possible methods were ruined by the person I thought I could trust. I am suffering and there's nothing I can do about it but cry. I just want to fucking die. I want to yell and scream. I want to destroy my fucking house and set myself on fire. There's not one person in this fucking world that can tell me otherwise. I am sick of everything and at this point I just want to leave my house and run. I'll just keep on running until I find something lethal and just throw my fucking body into it until I die. Seriously considering jumping in front of a train.