Why are you suicidal?

[Black_Knight]

I'm a bad person. I'm not a good person who does bad things. It is deep level encoding. It started from when I was an asshole as a kid and built up from there into a personality, all voluntary, one step at a time.

Normally my narcissistic ego prevents me from seeing it (but not everyone else, so I'm constantly making a fool of myself without understanding how or why). I don't think that internal blindness ever fully goes down.

There are people who probably can't admit it openly and would be happy or relieved if I were dead. But I only think about it because I want to escape myself.

 

[madameviolette]

Destroyed by medications and Western medicine. Physically, mentally, soul. Everything got destroyed beyond what I could ever imagine was possible in nature.

 

[XiaroX]

[QUOTE:Technically it would be legal for anybody in Switzerland to help me ctb, so long as they don't have a self-serving motive to do so and the last act that leads to my death is done by myself. Practically, there's always a police investigation. That's why it's usually done by organizations who specialize in this, and not by random doctors. But theoretically, any doctor could write a prescription for the medication required to die, and you could then go pick it up at the pharmacy. It's just not done that way due to liability reasons.
[/QUOTE]

I think if you're a foreigner, they have to film your consent and death, in case relatives or whatever don't really understand, so it's necessary for legal reasons. Might have changed by now, I haven't looked into it for a while, but I have to admit having my death filmed creeps me out. Especially because I've had enough contact with the world to know there are people out there who are particularly interested in viewing this kind of thing.

 

[SnowLeopard21]

The person I'm in love with treats me like an afterthought, and even if there was a way for us to be together my family would never accept her because she's trans. Nothing brings me joy anymore and I'm numb to sensation. I'm deeply alone in every aspect of my life and I drink to forget that I go to bed alone at night. I have so much I wish I could share with someone else. All of life's experiences just feel wasted on singular me.

 

[XiaroX]

I wish to deeply connect. I've wished for it so long. I am not accepted or understood by my own family, or by the families of partners I've had. I don't really want to do anything anymore - read, watch movies, tv, and it seems like the only chance of connecting I have had, in decades, is by trying to first connect online, but I can't do it very often any more. I don't care about eating. I have trouble sleeping. All I do is drink, and wait for drinking to kill me. Reading the site, and understanding options open to me, and knowing how lacking in functionality I am, I feel scared there's no other way out than to drink myself to death. I feel alone every day, sitting in a dark room just drinking. It's not my normal thing to post - it's been years since I even tried, and I know I won't be here for long, I can never stay in any support group or pen pal group or whatever for long and I can't do social media.

I want to say thank you to all those who contribute here, and to wish you some better fate or outcome.

 

[Gangrel]

I've been mentally ill since i was a teenager. Grew up gay in a non accepting family in the middle of nowhere. Never had a lot of friends, dropped out because of depression. I feel so fucking disgusting all the time i can barely look in the mirror. Low wage worker, incapable of doing most things, if doing them then everything feels dull and senseless. You literally have to pay to exist. I work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week for barely nothing while billionaires are out there bathing in babies blood or something like that. Life ain't fair.

Philosophically all i feel is nihilism. We are just a spec of dust in the universe. We don't even know where the universe is and what it is. It doesn't matter, life is fucking absurd.

 

[ilovenewyork]

I lost the love of my life. It's been a year and I just can't accept it

 

[continuating]

since i'm asian (lmao, the stereotypes were real)
pressure from parents regarding academics
they cannot stop complaining about them even if i've already told them thousands of times that "i tried my best"

 

[miles-away]

I'm very disappointed with myself. I lived a mediocre life. I'm 23 and really have nothing to show for.

 

[g357]

Edit: this was long oops....but at least ill be able to read this to new therapists while I search for the right one, I dont think i could explain it better than ive written here


Im convinced my future is mostly suffering, dissapointment, anxiety, stress, housing instability.....brief moments of happiness in between but not nearly enough to make up for the rest.

Australia is going to shit and im convinced it will only get worse. Poverty/homelessness/the complete fuck around that is renting will only continue to increase. For someone like me who struggles with not being smart enough to earn enough money to not be in poverty.... I've become convinced that i will end up homeless once I dont have anyone to fall back on between rentals, which is inevitable because my parents wont be around forever, friends drift apart and im not close to any extended family. My one "hope" is my youngest sister is a pilot (good $$) but even then we arent close due to our childhood. Our brother is disabled and I feel immense amount of guilt that I cant buy a house and house him forever, I dont know what is going to happen to him either

I'm terrified of homelessness and plan on hanging myself in a rainforest somewhere when it happens. I will wait for my parents to die first, I especially couldn't do it to my mother.

Im finally living in the city ive wanted to live in my entire 20s (I wanted to move here for a bigger dating pool and i could stop settling, not alot of lesbains where im from) well ive found it and Im worried ill have to break up with her. Ive always loved the idea of a family, and she is 100% wanting to have them one day. No doubts at all in her mind shes determined. While im riddled with doubts, fears. Cost of living, stress... how could I ever cope with kids?

Shes perfect, ive never fallen so quickly. Ive never stared into someones eyes like we do and felt that. Shes sweet, funny, kind, beautiful. Shes good for me and i want to be good for her. For so many reasons shes perfect, and because im not smart enough/capable of earning a decent amount of money we might not last.

I have a ticket to a lottery and im certain if I won id feel completely okay instantly. I could buy a house, have a family, be safe for life.... I think if the government magically decided to make rent leases 10 years id feel fine too. Im okay with every other aspect of poverty just not housing instability

Super long story short I'm suicidal because of the housing crisis in Australia

Just one of the many humans that have been sacrificed (our lives, stability, safety, mental/physical health) so the greedy sociopathic rich can get richer.

Yippee

 

[he1terskelter]

Gender dysphoria

 

[qewpie]

im stuck in bed because if im upright the world tilts forward

while stuck in bed i can feel my pulse and my heart pound in my body. nonstop palpitations

i don't get to receive any peace whatsoever anymore

barely anyone with these disorders exist. those that do, don't get better

i can't fucking live likes this for 5 decades

 

[zdeweilx]

Because life is shit

 

[Black_Knight]

,

I wish to deeply connect. I've wished for it so long. I am not accepted or understood by my own family, or by the families of partners I've had. I don't really want to do anything anymore - read, watch movies, tv, and it seems like the only chance of connecting I have had, in decades, is by trying to first connect online, but I can't do it very often any more. I don't care about eating. I have trouble sleeping. All I do is drink, and wait for drinking to kill me. Reading the site, and understanding options open to me, and knowing how lacking in functionality I am, I feel scared there's no other way out than to drink myself to death. I feel alone every day, sitting in a dark room just drinking. It's not my normal thing to post - it's been years since I even tried, and I know I won't be here for long, I can never stay in any support group or pen pal group or whatever for long and I can't do social media.

I want to say thank you to all those who contribute here, and to wish you some better fate or outcome.

Same. I don't know about connection, I'm so put off from people I prefer shallow connections more than anything. I provide myself with the depth I need, but comfort and assurance is something I can't give myself. But yeah, I drink so much, I'm worried about physical effects. Thankfully my liver enzymes are alright as of recent. I already have mild alcoholic neuropathy and have been through so many withdrawals they're basically routine. I don't tell doctors about this obviously because the way things are set up you basically can't. I don't really enjoy or care about anything unless I'm drunk either. I think I have alcoholic genes because it's an extremely euphoric experience every time and it's the only time I enjoy living.

I hope we both find better ways of living.

 

[madameviolette]

im stuck in bed because if im upright the world tilts forward

while stuck in bed i can feel my pulse and my heart pound in my body. nonstop palpitations

i don't get to receive any peace whatsoever anymore

barely anyone with these disorders exist. those that do, don't get better

i can't fucking live likes this for 5 decades

You have MECFS ?